To me it feels different. in 2007 I was still doing the civil service day job, recording my own music and playing 2 to 3 gigs a week with Elephant Shelf so to me I often feel becalmed in relative terms. My mind is always active but my body can’t keep up so well now.

I don’t tend to feel tired when I am doing stuff generally. Example, I just started working on a recent recording I am doing and I feel awake enough, but If I sit for a while I will just start drifting off in to space. I think its mind not body. I usually do have difficulty adjusting to the seasonal changes. In the old days it was not so noticeable was there was a lot to do with gigs and related activity. I think also that I was paradoxically much more at ease with just chilling out, knowing there were busy days coming. Honestly it feels like its my usual reaction to the winter season. Today is 4O years to the day since my dad died which is possibly also not the greatest thing to be remembering either. I should be more active and being indoors at this time of year has two effects on me. I either start pacing like a caged animal or goi in to shutdown hibernation mode. Sometimes when there is a lot to process my mind wanders and sometimes it is a good idea to just let it…

Well I had to make a decision yesterday. I have stopped trying to do a project with a guy that has parkinsons. Its just too difficult and he really needs to work with a guitar player that does all the latin and flamenco styles to make his songs sound right. That’s not something I can do for him. I was getting stressed trying to figure how to make it work then it hit me that I cannot do everything. I can’t put the time in and I will drag his music of course completely. He is a nice guy but again to many practical problems to contend with. He was cool about it. If he lived locally I would keep in touch but it just not a viable thing. Shame but I don’t like mucking people about. He hasn’t been able to find anybody though he has had people help him to record his tracks. He wants to do live performances but I just think unless he hires pros he won’t be able to. I was getting stressed about it a little and didn’t want to get to far into it and then have to disappoint him.
I would love to be able to take on every musical opportunity but I dont have the resources to draw on now like I did a few years back.

Knowledge is good but ignorance can be bliss for a moment or two. I think sometimes its hard to just carry on when you look at everything going on now. There is a lot of hate about focused on, migrants, scroungers, trans people, whatever…. It’s a very long list. Life is always risky, just no sabre tooth tigers now…

Right now I am not living my best life and feeling like I should just hide away a bit. Maybe it is just the onset and thought of winter?