Well against all the laws of probability my car passed the MOT test. Did not see that coming so I have had my car nearly 10 years now, but as I only gig infrequently these days its in semi-retirement. More and more I want to retreat from everything and be a recluse apart from gigs right now. A musical friend had a heart attack recently, he is OK though. He also has had MS for years. Managed to teach himself to play guitar again after he got MS after being told he wouldn’t be able to. Knowing him he will be back out and gigging again.

I have found myself being brutally honest with people a lot in the last couple of years, though I do try to avoid upsetting people. It hasn’t helped me much but I sort of know who I am now. That means I know my limits but also what I can do. I have never been about theory in the academic sense I am much more ‘Do stuff and sometimes figure it out later’ I feel very little guilt or shame about stuff I have or haven’t done any more. I hope I haven’t caused any unnecessary harm but nobody’s perfect? I have about as much as I can cope with really. I don’t dream of lost empires any more and I realise something’s that I do may well be nugatory exercises. But in the other hand little victory’s are all the sweeter for that.

In life life it’s often the case to never say never. Most of my life has worked in ways that mean I have done things I thought were impossible or that I absolutely thought I never would or should have. But I am from a different planet. Remember, the rule with me is absolutely ‘Don’t do what I do, and definitely don’t do what I say’ as that will get you into trouble. To be honest I pretty much do live the life I want within reason. Our home is private enough but not remote or secluded. Whilst I miss the regular gigs, I still get to play a few gigs and do creative stuff and am not starving. When I am not in too much pain or having a depressive episode its mostly good. And its confirmed now my LP will be available from 31/10/2025. I do wonder if I will be able to con anybody into buying it though? It does seem creatively I do rather more than many of my contemporaries. I do seem to have calmed down a bit over the last few months too. On good days is life is fair to middling.What I need more of is company and now that seems to be happening a little more and I am no longer feeling quite so isolated. Still got my demons of course but they are very familiar ones now. But what seems to have changed for me is that I do seem to be finding it much easier to talk to people that I used too, to a degree. If I can keep the melancholy at bay its OK…