February persists as it must. And we try and carry on as we have always done. Seems harder at the moment though in many ways. Latterly everything feels a bit scary again. Maybe I am just picking up on the vibes around me? Apparently the entertainment at the Super Bowl was some sort of symbolic protest, but I did watch it on YouTube and I haven’t got a fucking clue what it was all supposed to mean but I don’t think the message was for me. I am more your Isadora Duncan interpretive dancing type. Just attached solar trickle charger to the car. It seems to be working OK so it should save the battery from premature demise. Its merilly working even though its dull and gray. I used to have one a few years back. Charges at about half the rate of a conventional plug in battery charger so about 5 days to full charge we hope.

I used to think the world had become a worse place, but really it hasn’t. We just know much more about the bad stuff now. Back in the day it was just film of Vietnam on the box, which was bad but soon went away to followed by Top of the Pops and Z Cars if you are from the UK and of a certain age

Though I like pubs and live music I don’t really want to be out alone (I would be safe enough but a bit lonely) and I always get chatted up by geriatrics and I think you can guess why that’s a problem. And finally my mind just obsessively goes riffing on wars and general doom destruction and personal mortality. So beavering away is a distraction. My body gets tired but my mind doesn’t and I guess it’s the same for you too. I could write a tune a day, construct a melody, harmonize it and even put it on manuscript. Often I do write a basic version out when working on recordings. I might not be Mozart but I can write tunes. Some people like the more complex stuff a lot. But what can’t do is just chill these days. I ain’t no genius, it’s just my brain’s busy.

Today’s been totally unproductive.

It’s hard at times making a decision. Here is a new song called:

Alternative Valentine Confusion

Everything I have learned I have read or learned from others, apart from from learning to read itself for which I owe a south asian sari clad lady a huge debt as I was dyslexic as it turned out and that time it was not a recognised disorder, I was just deemed slow.

Personally I do miss the social aspect of the 9 to 5. I did get on with some people quite well. My higher education got a boost in the civil service where I did meet some very clever coves indeed. Once I moved from admin to management grade it was almost a vertical learning curve as they really did get their money’s worth out of me. I sort of forget sometimes who I was in terms of what I can do, I did a lot of trouble shooting and negotiating in the Civil Service. The job only really went wrong when I started to lose autonomy. One reason for that was my line manager did not like getting shown up as out of his depth (apart from also being a gay xenophobe and transphobe) as eventually came to light.

The one saving grace that the US has it that if you live in some places (Shit hole Missoury or similar) you can be dirt poor and have a livable home still if you hunt and grow your own food and don’t get ill. In many states there are no statutory checks on car roadworthiness/emissions and if the cops pull up you get a $40 dollar ticket and that’s all (best if your not black or hispanic in some areas though). Watching youtube trips around rural USA there are so many cars even outside one room shacks. Some are intact but many look as though they have just been left to rot. I guess somebody was once going to try and fix them at some point. Mind you I am trying to fix mine right now too.

Here is an interesting statistic. In the Uk the median income for the top 1% (approx 510,000 people) is only about £120,000 pa and the median for the rest of the population is £22,000. Income not wealth including assets.

A friend who is older that I am is looking at continuing their studies which were interrupted so they were about half way through a degree. This is somebody that already has various academic letters after their name and enjoys the pursuit of knowledge for its own sake. I am curious about many things but not perhaps the most focused of beings.
Very different to me as I am more like a magpie pecking at the shiny interesting bits I spot so you could say I know a little about a lot but perhaps not much (ado) about something 🙂

Today I put up a bird box on the balcony. A first for me. Its blue and made by my brother in law.
It looks friendly and homely. As to if small Avion creatures will think its a desirable residence is another matter. Maybe we will get bats instead? I took a short walk, but it is very grey and dreary out, though the trees are just showing signs of buds at least. As I write it is now 7 years since leaving London and moving to Great Denham. I am still enjoying the countryside at least.