I am sort of in limbo really. Everything is slightly on hold. I did only minimal exercises this morning. Its is dawning on me that apart from: #1 Armageddon #2 Onset of serious illness This is it in terms of what my life is and will be. That is both a relief but also slightly daunting as I now need to plow on with things under my own steam. If they fail I don’t have comfort of blaming other when I screw up. I am a little under motivated, which is why I am tagging onto and working with other other people. Though I do my own creative thing, I do need outside poking to jolly me along a bit as well. So my Ok-ness is slightly tempered by the notion that I must keep interacting with people and not get too introverted again. It’s that old thing of not being able to go backwards and not being able to go forwards yet. A feeling of stuckness and nostalgia and and also wondering why the axe has not fallen yet. I didn’t calculate on me still being around at this stage. My script sort of ran out, but I am still here and the play continues. I am unsure though of what my part is, and so improvise wildly waiting for a prompt from the box and wondering why the curtain has not come down. I have in relative terms done a reasonable amount this year to try and keep things going on the musical front at least but it’s felt like very hard work. That bad bout of covid was not much help either. I think Christmas is going to be very grim frankly this year.
I try to plan for the future but within reason live for the day. You have to do that as part of managing depression and also arthritis pain for example. So I shuffle a long. My next Amazon and Spotify and all that etcetera album is scheduled to be released on 11 November. That will earn me at least 00.40p over the year LOL. But hey it’s fun and why not.
This is from about a year ago.
You must be logged in to post a comment.