Well yes those voices, are all at it again. Taking me into the panic-related places and the low self-esteem places, and all the various hamlets between the towns along the way. Its a bit freaky and my head is not co-operating at all.

I have been busy with music-related stuff but I seem to have hit saturation point now. I need to to take a little break but I really am left with nothing else to do and the weird thoughts are escalating at breakneck speed so I need to block them out but I am not succeeding at present. Basically I pretty much barking mad at the moment. Any attempt at distraction is hopeless.
The last few months have seen me get more and more obsessed with things that are completely beyond my control. I do not really have an anchor mentally. I am storm-tossed and my judgement is defective. Really I should be avoiding sharp objects and major decisions at all costs right now. I get good days and bad days of course but I can’t motivate my self at all and feel that everything I am doing is substandard. I have lost all perspective really. I need to stop but I can’t get away from myself. Where ever you go there you are 😉

I am worried about the future, I am also worried about if there is a future on a persona level. I am really rocking the neuroses right now.

“In 1954, the limbic cortex was described by neuroanatomists. Since that time, the limbic system of the brain has been implicated as the seat of emotion, addiction, mood, and lots of other mental and emotional processes. It is the part of the brain that is phylogenetically very primitive. Many people call it the “Lizard Brain,” because the limbic system is about all a lizard has for brain function. It is in charge of fight, flight, feeding, fear, freezing up, and fornication.”

That’s what’s rocking my world right now I think.

Or is it this:

“The amygdala is one of the best-understood brain regions with regard to differences between the sexes. The amygdala is larger in males than females in children ages 7–11,^[14] in adult humans,^[15] and in adult rats.^[16]

In addition to size, other functional and structural differences between male and female amygdalae have been observed. Subjects’ amygdala activation was observed when watching a horror film and subliminal stimuli. The results of the study showed a different lateralization of the amygdala in men and women. Enhanced memory for the film was related to enhanced activity of the left, but not the right, amygdala in women, whereas it was related to enhanced activity of the right, but not the left, amygdala in men.^[17] One study found evidence that on average, women tend to retain stronger memories for emotional events than men.^[18]

The right amygdala is also linked with taking action as well as being linked to negative emotions,^[9] which may help explain why males tend to respond to emotionally stressful stimuli physically. The left amygdala allows for the recall of details, but it also results in more thought rather than action in response to emotionally stressful stimuli, which may explain the absence of physical response in women.”

I have no clue, but its a real pain at the moment. I suspect this is coming across as the kind of incoherent drivel that Dominic Cummings might write. I say that having attempted to read one his papers.

Don’t lead me into temptation, or not….

Well how about everything. To start with there is the environment. I have an old diesel it does about 55mpg. I only use it when necessary these days, though sometimes that includes keeping sane 😉 I can’t really afford to replace it when it goes to meet the great mechanic in the sky. Its main function used to be to transport the Delta ladies and their instruments and sundry doodads to gigs. Last year since Vicky moved on down the road apiece much has changed.  I am just about getting my head back together now and waking to reality sort of. It may be though that the band wagon is not necessary in the longer term.  

I still cannot get my head around leaving the EU, I cannot see any possible advantages and it has adversely affected many people I know. I am not going to discuss it further here though. I await the promised sunny uplands, but I am extremely doubtful. It has depressed me a lot though.

Without doubt I am concerned about the direction the current government is taking in many matters, and to say it is unsettling is very much an understatement. It’s not quite giving me nightmares yet but it’s getting there. It ideologically unsound. Populism gave you Hitler and Mussolini’s as an end product.  Yes we should be worried.  Why? Because everything is now so polarised.

Also, I am troubled frankly by the thoughts in my head. The difference between what I desire and what would be good for me as they quite different things.  It’s a very slippery slope and I could easily fall and then where would I be.

Today has been difficult, the world is mostly shades of grey and even food tastes of nothing. There are days like this and the thing to do is mostly try to keep plodding on as best as one can.
 I have been working on something in the studio room for a while. It needs a vocal next. That will be the difficult part through the lyric does not scan too well but needs to work with the tune. Will it work?  Stay tuned to find out.

I should be feeling a bit more positive as a new creative project has popped up that should be very enjoyable later this month.

Today though I am mostly alone with my thoughts. Even when there is someone else around it is possible to be alone or feel isolated. 
At these times irrational thoughts flood my mind. There is no quick fix that I know of.

Maybe tomorrow will be different?

“…I have of late–but
wherefore I know not–lost all my mirth, forgone all
custom of exercises; and indeed it goes so heavily
with my disposition that this goodly frame, the
earth, seems to me a sterile promontory, this most
excellent canopy, ”

Shakespeare

Here is a website you should become much better acquainted with.

https://anotherangryvoice.blogspot.com/