Diana Stones BlogBelieve me this night

So a fairly low key week. the idea I had in my head was catch up on a few thing which I have managed to do. Unfortunately I have also been plagued with backache again. It comes and goes and sometimes I don’t have problems for weeks, then out of nowhere it manifests. When it’s bad sitting is mostly out of the question. I have been working on creative stuff, music and recording as I can do the bulk of it standing up.

I am still very easily triggered by stuff and have had some really low days again. Friends and acquaintances have suggested that I need to take it easy but actually keeping busy is the thing to do to keep the dark at bay. I have plenty to do but, I really lack the ability to concentrait at present and I am basically forcing myself to get on with stuff as I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever. I think actually its getting worse rather than better to be honest. I have lots of people that I need to get in contact with but its quite hard. Hopefully it will wear off eventually but I think its going to be a long time.

At the weekend I went to another open garden event nearby. Very nice but all the folks seemed frightfully posh. The sort of village you get on those daft “English” detective series that are the modern equivalent to Miss Marple. All very shiny and posh and immaculate and mostly retired sorts.
Loved the gardens but hated the vibe. Posh “Little England” as opposed to deprived “Little England” full of well laundered BMWS and so forth.
The village is just the other side of the Golf Course so I guess it is to be expected.

I have been here a year and 6 months and it still seems weird as I am deeply urban at heart. I like the anonymity of the city on one level though it can isolate.
What do you do when people are being friendly all over the place? It’s difficult when you are just not used to it.

Today has been a difficult day though. There is much that troubles me and my sense of isolation is much increased.
When I first arrived here I was knocked out with certain aspects, the fresh air and the easily accessible open countryside and of course all that is still here to be enjoyed, but I am still very much affected by recent events and today is one of those hangover days where everything lays heavy on me. My mood sank like a stone today but I was fine yesterday. Perhaps tomorrow will be different?

There is a chill win blowing on my soul right now.

“Doubt thou the stars are fire.Doubt that the sun doth move.Doubt truth to be a liar.But never doubt my love.”