On a personal level it’s not been too bad a year. A couple of disappointments, and the inevitable couple of stitch-ups by people who should know better. I should not really be taken in so easily. Often though when you loose out on one opportunity something better turns up though in many cases. By this stage in my life I should really expect that sort of thing, so perhaps its just naivety. I do get disappointed because I usually expect people to be reasonable, and not full of shit or to try and con me. Still if I was that good a judge of human nature I might be doing a bit better now than I am in some respects. Of course there is also the mass insanity of the brexit crew, which seems to have brought in its wake a lot of very bad behaviour. I am still waiting for a sensible reason for leaving, so give me some sort of reasoned argument and try and convince me. Why is there only a deafening silence? So I shall plod along with my various musical efforts and continue my battle with facing often the futility of endeavoring to achieve anything, but carry on doing it anyway as you do.
So is there a point? No you just roll along and stuff happens and sometimes its good and sometimes its not, That really seems to be it. Everything else that happens seems to be random and not bound by the laws of causality, except for the odd signposted train wreck that you can spot.
Quite often I wonder why I write this stuff. I suppose it’s a way of letting off steam and thats it really. My problem is that if you are fighting depression you want positive stuff to happen, but you dare not get too excited about anything as its frequently a disappointment. So how does one keep positive? Answers on a postcard please.
The thing I have lacked for a couple of years now is energy and the ability to really keep applying myself, but lately I just want to give up and I really do despair about it.
There are not to many people left that I am able to talk to…
So apparently its Christmas or Yule or dance naked round the bonfire at midnight or something similar which is nice LOL. Its a not a family time for me as most of my close relatives are dead and I don’t have children. Also apart from one gig at the end of the week, I shall not be venturing far till January. in all likelihood. However don’t think that this means I shall be secluded in my icy palace of doom, as I can be miserable at anytime of the year completely independent of the winter solstice. At the time of one fingered typing though it is sunny and mild. I am still suffering from a cough hanging over from the cold I just had, though my voice was just about OK on last weekends gigs. So as is fitting for this time of year I will wish one and all a Merry Bah Humbug
Winter is a thoughtful time though for a bit of introspection. Some people find solace in ignoring the light at the end of the tunnel even though it is inevitably an on coming train, where as I prefer to acknowledge it and figure what options if any are available. Ultimately of course we are all going to share the same fate… So party on.
Music wise 2017 looks quite healthy with bookings through the year up till next December and the possibilities of some new music related ventures over and above the present activity’s.
I guess that a lot of people will be either very lonely or desperately trying to get a bit of peace and quiet at this feast or famine time. Christmas as a kid was good of course but now it seems quite extreme. Is it really so much more commercialised or is it just that i got old and cynical? Its difficult judge, and alot of people that thought they would be comfortable and not stressed at this time of year are finding themselves very far from it. The hardening of attitudes to those we consider outsiders and the legitimising of prejudice in so much of the western world is something I find hard to comprehend. It makes me feel very much an outsider myself these days, this year in particular more than ever.
We talk about a trans community and we are a minority, but are often not too tolerant of others. Maybe we need to think about that a little.