{"id":9041,"date":"2015-04-29T17:32:14","date_gmt":"2015-04-29T16:32:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/?p=9041"},"modified":"2021-01-13T10:42:13","modified_gmt":"2021-01-13T10:42:13","slug":"children-who-are-bullied-feel-traumatised-and-isolated-i-know-it-almost-killed-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2015\/04\/29\/children-who-are-bullied-feel-traumatised-and-isolated-i-know-it-almost-killed-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Children who are bullied feel traumatised and isolated. I know \u2013 it almost killed me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><strong>Yep thats pretty much much how it is and it stays with you forever. You think you have manged to \u00a0come to terms with it but you never really do.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><!-- GUARDIAN WATERMARK --><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/commentisfree\/2015\/apr\/29\/children-bullied-traumatised-isolated-peer-bullying\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/image.guardian.co.uk\/sys-images\/Guardian\/Pix\/pictures\/2010\/03\/01\/poweredbyguardianBLACK.png?resize=140%2C45\" alt=\"Powered by Guardian.co.uk\" width=\"140\" height=\"45\" \/>This article titled &#8220;Children who are bullied feel traumatised and isolated. I know \u2013 it almost killed me&#8221; was written by Hope Whitmore, for theguardian.com on Wednesday 29th April 2015 11.40 UTC<\/a><\/p>\n<p>The last time I went back to my family home, I found my school jotter from 1998. It was squirrelled away in the back of my sock-and-knicker drawer. Below the date Tuesday 3 February is a note in handwriting so determined that the pen has at several points punctured the page: \u201cOne day I will be pretty then no one can hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I was a fat 13-year-old girl with a high-pitched voice and an as-yet-undiagnosed condition (they knew something was wrong with me; they just didn\u2019t know what) that would later place me firmly on the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/society\/autism\" title=\"\">autistic spectrum<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>These factors, alongside my desperate desire to make friends, made me a perfect target for bullies. Often they imitated my voice. Sometimes they commented on my weight. Most cruelly, they pretended to make friends with me. \u201cCome and sit with us, Hope. Would you like us to teach you to flirt? OK \u2013 well, if you make your eyes very big, like this and pout \u2026\u201d Then they\u2019d fall about laughing.<\/p>\n<p>At these times my one friend, Kirsty who was also bullied, but savvier than I, tried to save me. \u201cDon\u2019t go to them,\u201d she\u2019d say. \u201cThey don\u2019t want to be your friend, they want to make you look ridiculous.\u201d To the bullies I was their toy, free entertainment for when they got bored \u2013 which was often.<\/p>\n<aside class=\"element element-rich-link element--thumbnail\">  <span>Related: <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/society\/2015\/apr\/28\/bullied-children-have-greater-mental-health-risks-maltreated-by-adults\">Children bullied by peers \u2018at greater mental health risk\u2019<\/a> <\/p>\n<\/aside>\n<p>It was brutal and unremitting \u2013 a toxic combination of my social naivety and their cruelty. The girls may not have realised it, but their treatment almost killed me.<\/p>\n<p>I was not surprised to read of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/society\/2015\/apr\/28\/bullied-children-have-greater-mental-health-risks-maltreated-by-adults\" title=\"\">a study<\/a> published in the journal Lancet Psychiatry that suggests that bullied children are at risk of mental health problems that will remain with them throughout their lives. Unlike children who are maltreated at home, the report argues, children bullied at school do not have advocacy groups and lobbyists on side. They are right: bullying is all too insidious, and too readily accepted.<\/p>\n<p>As I was never maltreated at home, I cannot comment on whether the impact of bullying is, as the report argues, five times worse than that of cruelty in the home. I know that for me, having a safe place to return to, where I knew I was loved, was what kept me from killing myself.<\/p>\n<p>However, unlike maltreatment from adults, bullying by peers is often normalised even while in plain sight. It is seen as \u201cpart of a normal childhood\u201d \u2013 that old cliche \u201ccharacter-building\u201d, even \u2013 rather than as something that will tear you down, bit by bit.<\/p>\n<p>There can be a degree of victim-blaming in bullying. A male friend of mine told me how he was physically bullied by older boys and felt it was pointless to tell a teacher, as the attitude was usually that he should grow a backbone. Surely, in this day and age, such antediluvian attitudes have no place in our schools.<\/p>\n<p>My teachers were kind but overstretched, and there was a weariness to their reactions to bullying, a masked but nevertheless apparent attitude that to some degree I was culpable \u2013 that if I wasn\u2019t so bloody weird it wouldn\u2019t happen. All I had to do was fit in; but that was all I couldn\u2019t do.<\/p>\n<aside class=\"element element-pullquote\">\n<blockquote><p> It\u2019s tempting to turn a blind eye to what appears to be a silly spat between teenagers<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/aside>\n<p>At 15 I developed <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/society\/anorexia\" title=\"\">anorexia<\/a>. It was, I suppose, inevitable. As I shrank, the bullying became less, and the concern of teachers became acute \u2013 my physical deterioration far more terrifying to them than the psychological torment I had previously tried to articulate. I was glad that I\u2019d finally got them worried \u2013 that at last there was an acknowledgement of the hell I was going through daily at school. It felt good, except I couldn\u2019t stop.<\/p>\n<p>I was lucky I lived. I was even luckier that I recovered fully (aside from some weird rituals with food). But even now, I go through stretches of deep depression and an overwhelming feeling of being utterly crap. I think much of this reaches back to those formative years, when I was told every day by my peers that I was rubbish.<\/p>\n<p>I hope this report forces authority figures to be less dismissive of peer bullying and its long-term ill effects. I know it must be difficult when you have a lot of kids to deal with, and it\u2019s tempting to turn a blind eye to what appears to be a silly spat between teenagers. But the trauma and isolation felt by bullied children is real, and it is time that it was properly acknowledged as a political issue.<\/p>\n<p>It is also important, however, that this is done without detriment to the children who are maltreated at home. Crucially, this report should not divide children who are maltreated at home and children who are bullied by peers. Both suffer terrible trauma and deserve to be taken seriously. Comparing two terrible situations with one another will achieve nothing.<\/p>\n<p>guardian.co.uk &#169; Guardian News &amp; Media Limited 2010<\/p>\n<p>Published via the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.guardian.co.uk\/open-platform\/news-feed-wordpress-plugin\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Guardian plugin page\" rel=\"noopener\">Guardian News Feed<\/a> <a href=\"http:\/\/wordpress.org\/extend\/plugins\/the-guardian-news-feed\/\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Wordress plugin page\" rel=\"noopener\">plugin<\/a> for WordPress.<\/p>\n<p><!-- END GUARDIAN WATERMARK --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Those in authority must recognise the long-term ill effects of peer bullying. Dismissing it as normal teenage behaviour is not acceptable<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[230,59,229,144,48,231,64,281,66],"class_list":["post-9041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musings","tag-anorexia","tag-article","tag-bullying","tag-children","tag-comment","tag-hope-whitmore","tag-mental-health","tag-opinion","tag-society"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6NRDR-2lP","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":175072,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2021\/08\/19\/the-long-way-home\/","url_meta":{"origin":9041,"position":0},"title":"The Long Way Home","author":"diana Stone","date":"August 19, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"You can't generally speaking walk in someone else shoes they say. Perhaps you can try but mostly its not a good idea if you can avoid it.\u00a0 I had been trying to do exactly that for the last couple of years subconsciously since the loss of my co-conspirator and leading\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Delta Ladies&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Delta Ladies","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/delta-ladies\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13806,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2015\/07\/03\/camila-batmanghelidjh-surprised-troubled-kids-with-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":9041,"position":1},"title":"Camila Batmanghelidjh surprised troubled kids with love","author":"diana Stone","date":"July 3, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The Kids Company founder has her detractors. Sadly, we need her gospel of empathy more than ever","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Musings&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Musings","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/musings\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Powered by Guardian.co.uk","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/image.guardian.co.uk\/sys-images\/Guardian\/Pix\/pictures\/2010\/03\/01\/poweredbyguardianBLACK.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":170375,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2020\/10\/23\/mostly-a-review-of-the-year-to-date\/","url_meta":{"origin":9041,"position":2},"title":"Mostly a review of the year to date","author":"diana Stone","date":"October 23, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I think a bit of\u00a0 a summing up will be helpful for me at this point.\u00a0 At the start of 2020 I had got to a point where I was just about ready to start trying to reconstruct my life and move forward again. My confidence was rather lacking but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Delta Ladies&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Delta Ladies","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/diana_stones_songs\/delta-ladies-diana_stones_songs\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":153126,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2019\/12\/09\/a-round-up-of-2019\/","url_meta":{"origin":9041,"position":3},"title":"A round-up of 2019","author":"diana Stone","date":"December 9, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"To say it has been a difficult year is an understatement. On a personal level, I have been quite isolated due to many reasons that may not be apparent to others understandably. I have undertaken to try and keep the Delta Ladies going but in its present form that's pretty\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Musings&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Musings","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/musings\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":176536,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2024\/01\/30\/can-you-really-change-the-path-your-life-will-take\/","url_meta":{"origin":9041,"position":4},"title":"Can You Really Change The Path Your Life Will take?","author":"diana Stone","date":"January 30, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Can You Really Change The Path Your Life will take or is it all preordained? Its something I have been thinking about a lot latterly. It often feels to me that many outcomes are a little to predictable at times as if one had a form clavoyance. Sometimes I don't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Delta Ladies&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Delta Ladies","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/delta-ladies\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Screenshot-2023-01-24-183124.jpg?fit=1200%2C805&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Screenshot-2023-01-24-183124.jpg?fit=1200%2C805&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Screenshot-2023-01-24-183124.jpg?fit=1200%2C805&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Screenshot-2023-01-24-183124.jpg?fit=1200%2C805&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Screenshot-2023-01-24-183124.jpg?fit=1200%2C805&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":9150,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/2015\/05\/01\/the-guardian-view-britain-needs-a-new-direction-britain-needs-labour\/","url_meta":{"origin":9041,"position":5},"title":"The Guardian view: Britain needs a new direction, Britain needs Labour","author":"diana Stone","date":"May 1, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Election 2015 poses some profound questions for this country. Ed Miliband has better answers than his rivals, and so deserves a chance to govern","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Musings&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Musings","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/musings\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Powered by Guardian.co.uk","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/image.guardian.co.uk\/sys-images\/Guardian\/Pix\/pictures\/2010\/03\/01\/poweredbyguardianBLACK.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9041","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9041"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9041\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9041"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9041"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9041"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}