Can we ever say more than we did our best?\u00a0 I am not sure we can really. I am mired in gloom today and not really sure why. The sun was out on a crisp winters day.\u00a0 I took a brief trip to the shop to collect from the amazon locker.\u00a0 Came home and tried to work on some project stuff but I couldn’t get motivated at all, though I did start a lyric and a couple of ideas for a tune or possibly two.\u00a0 Its the first week of my extended exercise routine and I think its helpful.\u00a0 I need to keep fairly mobile now if I can. Otherwise if I ever play a gig again I will\u00a0 keel over from exhaustion before I even get started. Its a very clear, very cold night heer in Bedfordshire and you can recognise a couple of the major constellations.\u00a0 the universe continues perfectly well without my interference of course \ud83d\ude42\u00a0 Everything feels so strange as we come close to the first anniversary of\u00a0 \u00a0restrictions brought in for Covid-19 in the UK where at the time of writing we are on our third lockdown which will be in place until at least spring judging by the way things are currently going.\u00a0 Some days go well enough but today\u00a0 has been hard for me. I would like to talk to one or two absent friend but they have passed beyond the orbit of this world now. Its hard going.\u00a0 I dreamt I was playing a gig with the full line-up of the Delta Ladies with Vicky martin at the helm\u00a0 in some big edwardian pub or other. Its seems like another world now to be honest. So on waking ity was disappointing to know that that’s pretty much all gone now.\u00a0 Vicky was a pretty much irreplaceable force of nature and whilst I did attempt to carry on it\u00a0 we could not quite make escape velocity in the end.\u00a0 Plus lockdown finished everything\u00a0 pretty much in March of\u00a0 2020.\u00a0 \u00a02021 has started and I feel exhausted mentally and\u00a0 I feel I am beyond the point\u00a0 where I can try and pick up the pieces again to be honest.\u00a0 I do not expect there to be anyone riding out of the shadows to pick up the baton now. I am not even sure if I can actually cut it live now frankly.\u00a0 It’s now nearly one year since the last Delta Ladies gig in a small pub in reading called “The Retreat”. Remaining members of the band have also had fairly serious ill health\u00a0 to contend with too.\u00a0 Its possible there may be a grand finale at some point. But there needs to be a\u00a0 new road or else there is no road to travel now.<\/p>\n
It’s\u00a0 a pretty low ebb for me now. I really need be mixing with people but the current situation makes it impossible of course.\u00a0 My fairly paranoid internal dialogue is increasingly difficult to block as well.\u00a0 I am creating music and trying to keep going.\u00a0 One day at a time is as good as it gets though.\u00a0 From here onward is obscured to me assuming there is a going forward from this point as nothing is guaranteed in this life.<\/p>\n
I send out my musical messages in a bottle\u00a0 into the either and wonder…<\/p>\n
So can we ever say more than we did our best?<\/p>\n
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Can we ever say more than we did our best?\u00a0 I am not sure we can really. I am mired in gloom today and not really sure why. The sun was out on a crisp winters day.\u00a0 I took a brief trip to the shop to collect from the amazon locker.\u00a0 Came home and tried … Continue reading Can we ever say more than we did our best?<\/span>