Well last year did not go well. I would have liked to say that I feel a bit more optimistic about 2020 but so far I don’t have any reason to. Maybe things will change but maybe not. I am wiped out pretty much I never had much confidence in the first place but I managed to blag my way through life relatively well in the last few years, but now I have lost the ability to fool myself.
\nI have allowed myself to be naive in thinking that people would be willing to do things for mutual benefit but apparently not. I have done people favours without expectation, and I try not to be judgemental but I realise I have been taken for a complete fool to often simply because of my own notions of fairness and reasonableness and mistaken loyalty. Maybe it’s karma catching up? Sometimes it feels like being a kid again. When you are perhaps a little awkward and you try to make friends. You think you are accepted, but it turns out you are an object of derision or ridicule or simply not worth treating with respect or at best a permanent outsider. Just history repeating itself. Maybe I just come across as being stupid and that makes me a target. I would like to say won’t get fooled again but I rather suspect I will. What’s the alternative? Trust no one? Maybe… Perhaps the safest option is just to lock myself away? BTW this is not one of those looking for sympathy posts. My problem is I don’t have the strength to push my way through anymore. Its been up hill for too long.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Well last year did not go well. I would have liked to say that I feel a bit more optimistic about 2020 but so far I don’t have any reason to. Maybe things will change but maybe not. I am wiped out pretty much I never had much confidence in the first place but I … Continue reading January 2020<\/span>