{"id":31,"date":"2009-07-24T12:44:18","date_gmt":"2009-07-24T19:44:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/?page_id=31"},"modified":"2013-09-30T12:43:13","modified_gmt":"2013-09-30T11:43:13","slug":"ancient-history","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/ancient-history\/","title":{"rendered":"Ancient History"},"content":{"rendered":"

April 2 2008<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I did my last day at the office on Friday and had the obligatory leaving drink and presentation which was embarrassing but I was also quite touched as I had not really expected it.A lot of folks turned up and I do feel a tinge of regret as I was there along time and if I had no ambition to do anything else maybe I could have kept on, but I think I would have been barking mad before very much longer. Also I had got used to a fairly maverick way of doing things and me and the corporate culture have got very far apart now. In a sense it allows me to complete the re-invention of self thats been coming for a long time.. Everyone was very nice but many were shocked as I had been working there 13 years and they had assumed that I would be there until I retired I suspect. I told them what I was expecting to do in future and everyone was very positive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0I am sort of in freefall at the moment\u00a0<\/span>and I will be trying to make a living from the music side of things for thenext year, but if it doesn’t work out then I will be back in IT in some\u00a0respect or maybe just filling shelves between gigs. I have a portfolio ofother practicle skills that should get me through one way or the other.I now feel a lot more relaxed.<\/p>\n

I am going to take a calculated risk on a new career (though its not really
\na new career as its something I have been envolved with for a long time) and
\nalso will take some time to study and improve my skills a bit. I am giving
\nmyself about a year to see if I can support myself as a musician. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t
\nknow how realistic that is but I am going to give it a try.I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need
\na huge income just enough to pay the bills and I Hope that is realistic…<\/p>\n

Anyone remember this tune:<\/p>\n

It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a great tune<\/p>\n

Nicked from Wikipedia<\/p>\n

“Cast Your Fate to the Wind”
\nwritten by Vince Guaraldi, was a track on Guaraldi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s album featuring
\nhis versions of music from the film Black Orpheus<\/p>\n

It’s me blogg in it alright gorblimey
\napples and pears strike a light thank you god bless you govenor<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 15th January 2008<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Current mood: quixotic<\/p>\n

January and my Birthday approaches.
\nI shall be making efforts to ignore it as much as possible in the vain hope
\nthat it will go away, as time seems to be passing very quickly now. I am still
\nup to the usual rubbish. Its a great relief that Alison is eating again and
\nis getting back to a more normal weight though she is still a bit wobbly on
\nher legs, but that’s likely to be the effect of the medication rather than
\nanything else.<\/p>\n

A few Elephant Shelf gigs and some
\nvery enthusiastic receptions too.We are now working on our recordings again.
\nIts a little tiring trying to fit it all in but we are getting there I think
\nand we should be able to start selling Cd’s at gigs again at some point in
\nthe future. The Shelf is having its 300th gig party at the Salisbury pub on
\nSaturday.We have got guest acts and your all invited. Except You because you
\nhave been very naughty<\/p>\n

It amazes me that the band has
\nlasted that long… Still the band that arm wrestles together stays together
\nas they say.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Christmas Problems<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Pensive Date Posted: 31st
\nDecember 2007 at 10:53 am – Comments (2)<\/p>\n

Its not been the best Christmas as Alison has been quite ill with eating problems
\nand has hardly eaten anything for about 3 weeks.<\/p>\n

She has lost quite a lot of weight.
\nIts a psychological problem and she has had eating problems before but not
\nanything as bad as this. They have usually affected her for just a couple
\nof days, though she has never been comfortable eating in public places like
\nrestaurants which makes socialising very difficult. We have had several trips
\nto the Doctors and at the moment she has had sufficient liquid to keep going
\nwhich is a bit of a relief, but as time go’s on its becoming more and more
\nof a concern. Its very difficult to know what to do about something like this.
\nHer Doctor is very supportive and is doing everything possible to try and
\nsort it out, but if there is no real change in a a couple of weeks then its
\nlikely she will end up going into hospital. She has managed to eat just a
\nlittle bit more which is encouraging, but she is on 3 lots of medication to
\ntry and sort it out.<\/p>\n

We have had a couple of band gigs
\nthis weekend and one more tonight. We were at the Kings Head Islington on
\nFriday and it was a very lively night with plenty of energy and a good vibe
\nfrom the crowd too.Saw Chrissie there too and had a chat. Also we were playing
\nat our normal later start time which was better. Then on Saturday we were
\nat Olivers at Greenwich and there was a good crowd again too. At this time
\nof year sometimes you don’t get that good a crowd due to people being away
\nand so on but its been good so far. Tonight we are at the Cafe Rouge in Southgate
\nfor a new years bash. We played it last year with the the old trio and this
\nyear its with the whole band. It should be fun as the food is very good too
\nits a pre-booking event and was quite crowded last year.<\/p>\n

I shall be a little bit distracted
\ndue to Alison though but hopefully I won’t make too many mistakes or the punters
\nwill be too pissed to notice .<\/p>\n

Have a Happy New Year and may all
\nyour dreams come true<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

May you live in interesting times<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 26th December 2007<\/p>\n

The Christmas break is finally upon us: Just one gig at the Unicorn last Friday,
\nthat was more like a rehearsal as it was empty. Boo Hoo, I guess we are just
\nnot a Camden band.<\/p>\n

Last week I also met with David
\nVorhaus,(known for the album White Noise) one of the Electronic Music scenes
\npioneers along with Vicky from Elephant Shelf and Ralph the faithful Filmmaker
\nand Camera Man, see about the possibility of a live event sometime in early
\n2008. We jammed in his studio which is almost a synth museum and it was interesting
\nand a little different too. I spotted several bits of audio history lurking
\naround the place. He was quite enthusiastic and open to suggestions and very
\napproachable. If the gig happens we will also film it and there will be a
\nvideo light show too.<\/p>\n

Hope you are all having a good Christmas<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

More of the same<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Brooding<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 19th December 2007<\/p>\n

My SO has been having problems eating again. This is something that I thought
\nwe had got over and done with so thats been worrying me a bit.<\/p>\n

A fair old weekend with a few good
\ngigs thrown in. A very enthusiastic crowd at the Salisbury on Saturday night,
\nand plenty of leaping about. Then two duo gigs to follow, one on Sunday at
\nthe Portobello Gold which we had not played since parting company with Jessie
\nPie. A few technical issues occurred that night but we got around them and
\ngot a storming reception. The Gold has great food and a really friendly clientele
\nand even better its only about 25 minutes away. It has a slightly trendy crowd
\nrather different to our usual audience. So a fun evening and an early finish
\nfor a change. On Monday night the duo again at the Ranelagh at Bounds Green
\nwhich was pretty good too, and we used a backing track on one of my tunes.
\nIt seemed to work OK too though I was a bit nervous about using it.We seem
\nto appeal to a very wide range of people which supprises me as I rather felt
\nthat we are quite retro a lot of the time that we might only have a niche
\nappeal. It seems slightly strange at times doing the duo as I am much more
\nexposed, though I am seen on the front line rather more with the band now
\ntoo. Christmas has crept up on us too and a couple days off will be welcome
\nas long as there’s not too much fuss. I am not a big fan of Christmas and
\nwould prefer to absent myself from it on the whole. Even the office seems
\nto be taking a very low-key approach to it and there’s a somewhat serious
\nmood about the place. I feel a lot of people are feeling a little tired this
\nyear, or maybe that’s just me come to think of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Di’s doings this week<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 10th December 2007<\/p>\n

A rehearsal on Friday for the new Duo Delta Ladies and we tried out our new
\nsmall PA which we got for duos and trios and small venue band gigs which is
\nactually not that small as it turns out. It will do the trick nicely though.<\/p>\n

An Elephant Shelf gig at the Unicorn
\non Saturday with Rangoon supporting played some nice stuff. They do a sort
\nof west cost rock style with harmony vocals. No audience to speak off so a
\nbit deadly, but we soldiered on. The Unicorn is a nice venue but its sort
\nof isolated. It used to be the Brecknock a few years back and is now a music
\nvenue again and has good lights plus an in-house PA and so forth.<\/p>\n

Sunday off to Oxford street to
\nmeet with the organisers of the Emergenza festival, which is a sort of battle
\nof the bands to enter Elephant Shelf in it. We decided we would go for it,
\nthough I suspect we are the oldest band that will have entered as we have
\na combined age of about 500yrs LOL. It will be fun if we get through the first
\nround as you have some nice venues to play at and it should get us some useful
\npublicity if nothing else.<\/p>\n

I am getting along OK mood wise
\nat the moment. I went back to my Dr for a repeat prescription and she said
\nI looked much better and on the whole I am feeling better apart from being
\nslightly anxious. Jobwise its not so great, so its just a matter of carrying
\non regardless which is a bit of a pain.I don’t feel to bad when I am there,
\nbut if I am working the day after a gig it seems completely crap, especially
\nif I had a really good night, its such a come down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A funny sort of weekend<\/p>\n

Mood: Apprehensive<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 3rd December 2007<\/p>\n

The weekend started or rather did’nt with a flat battery on the car. No warning
\nand I think the damp might have got at it. I have a booster starter thingy
\nbut due to not reading the instructions correctly it did not work the first
\ntime, I tried the next day, this time following the instructions and it worked
\nstraight away. So memo to self Read instructions ……<\/p>\n

Saturday was spent doing lost of
\nlittle odd jobs and then a gig at the Kings Head Islington. A very lively
\ncrowd but it seems strange finishing so early due to licencing problems and
\nwe could have gone on for another hour I think. Very crowded and Helena Love
\npaid us a visit again plus a flock of Angels who turned up just before the
\nend. Very crowded and the audience get up close and personal too, so you can
\nreally see the whites of there eyes. Not Scary though as they are a nice bunch.
\nNice to see the crowd getting into it big time too.<\/p>\n

Sunday off to meet Vicky Dan &
\nTerry from the band at Sound Control under what was the Virgin Mega Store
\nto sign up for a sort of battle of the bands competion.the day did not go
\nentirely to plan as I had a panic attack on the way there, and arrived looking
\nsomewhat shaky. Unfortunately the person we were to meet was unwell so off
\nto the pub around the corner for a drink and a bit of forward planing. felt
\nmuch better after having a drink. Then brought a boxed DVD set of the entire
\nseries of Sex and the City for a prezzie for the SO,(though we both like it
\nvery much) and then home. Also brought a Nina Simone compilation which is
\nexcellent.<\/p>\n

Back to the daily grind tommorow.
\nI have a meeting first thing, but not the kind you can sleep through. Drat.
\nNever mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stuff and nonsense for this week<\/p>\n

30th November 2007<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Music Bit<\/p>\n

The Usual couple of gigs ;at the
\nweekend: A bit of excitement as we arrived at O’Neill’s Muswell Hill at 8:30
\nonly to be told that the gig was cancelled. Vicky managed to get us a gig
\nat the Salisbury instead which we have never played on a Friday before and
\nof course we were not expected but there was a good crowd and it was fun though
\nslightly manic. We played to quite a young crowd who I don’t think were quite
\nsure what to expect LOL, but they seemed to enjoy it. Saturday a bit of rushing
\nabout and last minute Birthday Present for the SO but managed to get exactly
\nwhat was required.Then a gig at Olivers in Greenwich which is a small basement
\nvenue and we recorded that gig, I haven’t heard it yet but I am told its sounds
\nOK. Olivers is a venue that is very atmospheric especially as its in a basement
\nand has that real old club kind of feel to it. The stage is tiny so its a
\nbit of a squash but its always fun to play and we had a very enthusiastic
\ncrowd again too. Its now our only regular South London Venue which is a shame
\nas we could do with a few more down south IMHO being the token South Londoner
\nin Elephant Shelf.<\/p>\n

The Other Stuff<\/p>\n

Its all a bit mad in day-job land
\nright now. Lots of sily stuff and a slight air of panic and desperation around
\nthe place. Its not affecting me too much though which is good. My mood has
\nbeen better as in stableish though I did get a bit wound up last week and
\nI felt very down tonight but it seems to be fading away now.<\/p>\n

I am sleeping well most of the time but having some very vivid and strange
\ndreams, which are lightly to be the effect of the medication to a certain
\nextent.<\/p>\n

Stuff for consideration<\/p>\n

Where do we go from here? I am
\nslightly nervous about a few developments recently that are in the wind that
\nare exciting but a little scary too. If I get a real chance can I hack it.
\nI just don’t know yet, but you have try I guess.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Time to fly a kite maybe<\/p>\n

15th November 2007<\/p>\n

I have managed to shake off the
\nbug that I had last week, but it has left me feeling quite rough and burnt
\nout. We played 2 Shelf gigs last week, Friday we were at Oliver’s in Greenwich,
\nwhich was OK but not as busy as as usual. Then Saturday we were back at the
\nKings Head in Islington which was pretty good but again slightly less busy
\nthan before though a good enough crowd.<\/p>\n

Day job wise things are much the same as before other than my concentration
\ngetting worse then ever and my temper following not far behind. I felt a lot
\nlike walking out on Monday morning and very nearly did, I have really had
\nenough in a lot of respects now. I think its an age thing, I don’t have the
\ntolerance that I did before. My personality is somewhat brittle and my confidence
\nin others is easily dented.<\/p>\n

Often I feel as though I am under siege. A lot in my life at the moment is
\nleading to frustration. Creatively I am on an up and am getting a flow of
\nideas, but that’s not going to solve my other problems. I would dearly love
\nto have the time to be able to achieve more of my potential. I am not sure
\nif this is a combination of lack of confidence or simply not sticking up for
\nmyself sufficiently. Maybe its time to ask for more please. Much much more.
\nWallace D. Wattles wrote a book called ‘The Science of Getting Rich’ which
\nuses a premise known as the ‘Laws of Attraction’. It seems to be quite a business.
\n‘A man’s way of doing things is the direct result of the way he thinks about
\nthings’ yep, I guess so, now tell me something I don’t know like um ‘Then
\nwe must grasp the truth that every thought held in this substance becomes
\na form, and that man can so impress his thoughts upon it as to cause them
\nto take form and become visible things’ OK so we had the UK lottery tonight
\nand I have been visualising buying a particular penthouse property near hear
\nwhich is on the market for a mere snip at \u00c2\u00a35,200,000. So has the phone rang
\nwith the glad tidings that the required Millions are on there way. Funnily
\nenough no.<\/p>\n

Cough Sneeze and all that<\/p>\n

5th November 2007<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Got a bit of a cold at the moment,
\nwith a huge cough as well it seems to have been going around the band I think
\nthough we have had it in the office as well, I am hoping its not going to
\nstick around too long, I missed the warning sign as I had a sore tShroat last
\nweek, but I put it down to straining my voice a bit it is a bug. Ho Hum. I
\nam still ploughing on with the music endevours and did the first official
\nDelta Ladies gig on Saturday. Delta Ladies is a duo stroke trio offshoot of
\nElephant Shelf and we did our first gig at the Unicorn as suport for Jimmy
\nC’s band. It went pretty well and hopefully there will be some usefull oportunitys
\nin future. We videoed the debut and there will be something on the web in
\nthe not too distant future and also the inevitable website. LOL<\/p>\n

Sleepy Time down South<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

23rd October 2007<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well I am having a reasonable time
\nmusically. We had two Shelf gigs at the weekend and I am doing vocals on a
\ncouple of numbers now which seems to be working though its a bit different
\nbeing center stage, but it seems to have gone across well enough.<\/p>\n

We were back at the Princess Alexandra
\nin Crouch End on Friday night and said hello to Jeanie Barton who dropped
\nin for a little while. I must go to one of her gigs again as she is a great
\njazz singer and also a songwriter.<\/p>\n

Saturday nights gig was a particularly
\ngood one at the Salisbury which is an Elephant Shelf regular gig, we started
\nlate because of the England Rugby match but we had a really enthusiastic audience
\nand they were with us all the way.Rosie is now well and truly integrated into
\nthe band and she has a great voice. Rosie will be opening for us on some gigs
\nfrom time to time. She was going to do a short opening set on Staurday but
\ndue to our late start it didn’t happen. Shes writes strong songs and is a
\nvery charismatic performer. Nice to see Chrissie and Helena Love (yes the
\nSofas are really comfortable at the Salisbury I have been told), Phillipa
\nand Pennie and Alice Party Animal there too(thanks for the drink) and I think
\nthey had a good time…and of course the irripressible Laura.<\/p>\n

I am still getting very sleepy
\nwhich is the effect of the medication, as I suddenly feel really tired and
\nout of it, but most of my anxiety has gone which is great. It is a bit difficult
\nconcentraiting though so I am wondering if my dosage is a little too high,
\nbut I am feeling more able to cope. I am getting a few headaches again though
\nwhich is annoying.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It’s only Rock & Roll But ….<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

5th October 2007<\/p>\n

I saw my doctor and she confirmed
\nthat I was still alive. I had considered asking her to keep me signed off
\non the basis that I am an Existential Nihilist however she said that this
\nwas a state of being and not a recognised medical condition.<\/p>\n

“Existentialism is a philosophical
\nmovement which claims that individual human beings create the meanings of
\ntheir own lives. It is a reaction against more traditional philosophies, such
\nas rationalism and empiricism, which sought to discover an ultimate order
\nin metaphysical principles or in the structure of the observed world, and
\ntherefore universal meaning. The movement had its origins in the 19th century
\nthought of Kierkegaard and Nietzsche and was prevalent in Continental philosophy.
\nIn the 1940s and 1950s, French philosophers such as Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone
\nde Beauvoir wrote scholarly and fictional works that helped to popularize
\nthemes associated with existentialism, including “dread, boredom, alienation,
\nthe absurd, freedom, commitment,and nothingness”<\/p>\n

“Nihilism (from the Latin
\nnihil, nothing) is a philosophical position which argues that the world, especially
\npast and current human existence, is without objective meaning, purpose, comprehensible
\ntruth, or essential value. Nihilists generally assert some or all of the following:
\nthere is no reasonable proof of the existence of a higher ruler or creator,
\na “true morality” does not exist, and secular ethics are impossible;
\ntherefore, life has no truth, and no action can be preferable to any other.
\nThe term nihilism is sometimes used synonymously with anomie to denote a general
\nmood of despair at the pointlessness of existence.”<\/p>\n

You win some and you loose some
\nI guess. The sky is blue today and perhaps thats as much as anyone can ever
\nask for…My concentration is a little better and the anxiety is much reduced
\nbut frankly I don’t know what use I will be to anyone when I get into the
\noffice.<\/p>\n

Other news in brief:<\/p>\n

After the demise of the infamous
\n“Jessie Pies Cleavage of Death” there will be born in part from
\nits ashes the “Delta Ladies” performing mostly as a duo selections
\nacross the following styles Blues a bit of 40’s style supper Jazz, a little
\nbit of Country and a dash of Folk with the occasional dash of singer songwriter.
\nHopefully reaching the parts that Elephant Shelf can’t.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yesterday afternoon I spent a little
\ntime writing<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

29th September 2007<\/p>\n

Yesterday afternoon I spent a little
\ntime writing some rather obscure song lyrics. I am having some particularly
\nvivid dreams at the moment which is lightly to be the the anti-depressants
\nas its one of the well known side effects along with about 99 others in the
\nlist. My mood did lift quite a bit in the first week but seems to have slumped
\ncompletly again. Though thst text book as often when you start to take the
\npills you get an evening bigger dip for a while<\/p>\n

I am not anywhere near as irritable
\nor paranoid as I have been but then I have not been in the office for a couple
\nof weeks so that’s not particularly meaningful. I need to do something about
\nmy work situation and it concerns me quite a bit now as I am not coping well
\nwith it and I feel that I do need to change things. I need to do a bit of
\nnegotiation and I find that very hard to do. I am somebody who can out a lot
\nof energy in to work, or projects in short bursts, but I then tend to need
\na bit of down-time.What I am not very good at is doing lots of disparate things
\nin small nibbles, where I lose the overall picture, I find it frustrating
\nand stressful when nothing ever seems to be completed. In my particular working
\nenvironment a lot the tasks seem to be that way.That is often because there
\nis no understanding of the difference between concept and implementation.<\/p>\n

I find motivation particularly
\ndifficult at the moment and I was hoping that I would have felt the inclination
\nto start looking at my project work again, but I have not touched the work
\nlaptop for days, apart from checking my emails.<\/p>\n

There has only been one message from a colleague at work, no get well cards
\nor anything else unlike the last time was unwell a few years back. I am not
\nsure if that’s a good or bad thing to be honest. I will go to the Doctors
\nat the end of next week and see what I need to do then. I am quite good at
\ndoing a public face in the sense that I can keep going quite well and often
\npeople quite close to me are not really aware of whats going on mentally.<\/p>\n

I have not been out of the flat for three days, but I have to go out tonight…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Human Being V Human doing<\/p>\n

27th September 2007<\/p>\n

How pre-occupied are you with thoughts of death? Or the utter pointlessness
\nof everything, or is this normal? I suppose it is if your a goth maybe it
\nis I am not as far as I can tell at least the last time I checked so perhaps
\nits a little strange. How much activity is merely the filling up of available
\ntime. When you measure what you have achived in life are you left with a fairly
\nminimal list? Why are there so many question marks in this blog? I seem to
\nbe mostly being at the moment and not particularly doing, but my motivation
\nis completly out of the window though I don’t feel too bad about it. I was
\nsure I had something to say when I started this blog but now I don’t think
\nI have.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Settling down with my SSRI’s again<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

26th September 2007<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I seem to be settling down with my SSRI’s again and I am feeling a lot less
\nanxious, but I have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all.I have
\na daily routine though which I stick to as much as possible so I am forcing
\nmyself to do a few things. I have felt a lot more human again and less paranoid,
\nbut everything seems a bit pointless and colourless today. I am still doing
\nall my music practice of course, but I can’t seem to get to grips with anything
\non the computer at present, though I did a bit of very simple codeing this
\nmorning when I got out of bed.<\/p>\n

The odd thing about the meds is
\nthey seem to have dis-inhibited me quite a lot and I seem to be talking rather
\ntoo freely at times, I hope that eases off a little before too long. I had
\na very long chat with Rosie ( new singer in the Shelf ) and I am sure I must
\nhave bored the socks off her.<\/p>\n

The band ploughs on and I have
\nnot fallen asleep during any gigs yet so thats not too bad really.<\/p>\n

I am absolutely dreading going
\nback to the day job but maybe the medication will sort that out for me.The
\ntrouble is that I tend to worry about everything which eventually means I
\ngrind to a complete halt, which is really where I am now I think parked on
\nthe cosmic hard sholder waiting for the intergalatic AA to give me a jump
\nstart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hello new neighbours<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

23rd September 2007<\/p>\n

I met our new neighbours last night, coming back from a gig. I think they
\nare into music as the the guy was asking me about my violin and mentioned
\nthe Quecumber whch is a Gypsy-jazz bar near us. I said I had played their
\nonce. I think its the first time I have actually seen the couple together
\nsince they moved in a few weeks back. They seemed quite nice.<\/p>\n

The usual couple of gigs this week
\nat the Kings Head Islington and one at an out of town pub called the Sportsman
\nin Croxley Green. Both Kings head gigs very very lively as ever and we are
\ngetting some good feedback from them. I managed to talk to Helena Love on
\nFriday in the interval as she had come down to see us, and she seems very
\nnice and has really got a good look together as well, though I think she was
\nfinding a bit hot on Friday as the Kings head is a very warm venue once a
\nfew people are in there.<\/p>\n

I am starting to adjust to being
\nback on Citalopram again and begining to feel a lot less anxious and tense
\nthank goodness, though this week I have been sleeping a lot. On Thursday I
\nslept most of the day. the good news so far is I have not been waking up with
\nHeadaches and I am much less irritable.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hello again its unlikely to be
\nme you are looking for<\/p>\n

12th September 2007<\/p>\n

Well here we are again sort of
\nalmost-ish. I have been out of sorts for a few days but hopefully I will be
\nbetter soon. Headaches and I can’t sleep. Just checked my work email and its
\nfull of rather surreal messages including one that looks particularly like
\na wind-up. Don’t people realise I am supposed to be doing my own job not admin
\nfor other people who only need to pick up a phone and say what is this crap
\nabout and get a swift apology for the perpetrator. I am employed to use my
\ntechnical skills and its waste of money to be using me for anything else really.
\nWell presumably not. Maybe it is time to quit finally? Think I will check
\nout how much notice I need to give, that gives them a chance of a soft landing
\nand enough is enough really I don’t need this anymore. I could just get on
\nwith doing one project at a time and actually finishing it which would be
\nnice.<\/p>\n

I do like September and this years
\nweather is I remember Septembers, Sunny but not too warm with a kind of long
\ndrawn out sunset most nights, though perhaps its just in my head that it seems
\nthat way? I worked on recording a re-working of one of my old tunes for Solo
\nPiano. Its a bit self-indulgent but thats OK it makes change from banging
\nout 12 bars at the pub.<\/p>\n

If you did manage to get through
\nthat then on with the plot. I figured out if I quit the day job I have between
\n2 to 3 years to get on an even keel, start a business or whatever. Luckily
\nthe kind of business I am in needs contacts rather than huge investments being
\nknowledge based though advertising is needed of course but that is not too
\ndifficult to do. Getting paid is a problem if you are in business for yourself
\nbut other people must be able to do it. What go’s (should there be an apostrophe
\nthere?) against me is simply my age, if I were to think of being an employee
\nagain if my proposed business venture go’s tit’s up (that’s an English expression
\nfor any offshore readers) that could be a major problem but if I get out of
\nthe environment I am in maybe I can actually make a go of something. Wow this
\nis fighting talk for a depressive, but then mood disorders are what you suffer
\nfrom they are not what you are nor should they define what you can become.<\/p>\n

The Band has a couple of gigs this
\nweekend: which should be good. The first is at the Kings Head Islington which
\nis now really the sort of home turf as we more or less have a residency there.
\nWe have had some phenomenal reactions there recently. We also have a new addition
\nto the Band Rosemary Rebecca Swan who is also from these here parts on myspace
\nand she will be doing some singing with us and maybe a little more to. She
\nis a little more down home than our previous vocalists which may work pretty
\nwell.I am really looking forward to meeting her as the rest of the band have
\nand they say she is very good. Then on Saturday night we are at Maddens in
\nEast Finchley (an Irish owned Music and Sports Bar ) which is another happy
\nhunting ground for us and also a regular venue too.<\/p>\n

To infinty and beyond then >>>>
\nWoosh …..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hmmn…..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

9th September 2007<\/p>\n

Still fairly busy with work and the band and we have had some very good reactions
\nrecently. Its fun but its also quite hard work with a day-job as well.<\/p>\n

In a sense the Band has been a little like therapy for me and has often helped
\nme to get through bad times when I have been at a very low ebb.<\/p>\n

There is a certain discipline required to make it happen, and that can help
\nto keep me going at the times when I would just stop perhaps and retire to
\nthe comfort of my bed. I have not been taken the little pills for about 3
\nyears now and I am quite pleased with that fact as I try not to be a professional
\ndepressive. On of the traits that can often go with Bi-Polar disorder is a
\nfair amount of paranoia, but I am almost managing that too. I do like my own
\ncompany when things get particularly bad and I am straining to concentrate.<\/p>\n

Having a certain amount of distance from people can be very therapeutic at
\nthe appropriate time, though friends can find it difficult to deal with.<\/p>\n

IUpdate
\nto the previous update to the previous update…….<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

24th August 2007<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Everything is busy right now, The
\nBand and work, in fact a little bit to busy.<\/p>\n

I seem to have shaken off a strange viral thing that was making me feel dizzy
\nand somewhat unwell. It lasted about 2 weeks, and completely knocked me out.<\/p>\n

Bla, Bla lots of gigs Bla bla …..
\nNew shoes, Bla Bla Bla. Rain, more Rain.<\/p>\n

Interestingly The Shelf now has
\na new song in the repertoire, which was a tune that I wrote about a year or
\ntwo ago. Its a reggae tune called “Undubwise” and it was an instrumental
\nand is now a song as Vicky Martin wrote some lyrics for it. Its about being
\nTG and its being sung in assorted pubs near you and shaven headed people are
\ndancing to it in O’Neill’s and other places …. Its just dawned on me that
\nmaybe significant.<\/p>\n

A
\nsunset ten years ago is always more memorable than the one last night<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

10th August 2007 at 10:00 am –
\nComments (0)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Everything looks better from a
\ndistance. Time is related to distance they say, and distant events seem to
\nbe much better than they actually were. Time glazes an attractive wash of
\ncolour over them. A sunset ten years ago is always more memorable than the
\none last night. Why is that. You really don’t know what you have got until
\nit’s gone. Maybe these are the good old days. I manage to spend my time in
\ntwo almost worlds, which should by rights have collided by now.I curious to
\nknow whats happened to old friends, but people move on and seemly I am the
\none that remains static amidst the turmoil.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

30th July 2007<\/p>\n

Islington and Chobam<\/p>\n

Friday night at the Kings
\nHead in Islington. Its a very lively venue with music every night and it went
\nwell though there were a few sound problems in the first set. Its quite a
\nsmall place and its gets quite busy so the playing area is a bit cramped.
\nIts also very hot, but luckily Robbie our bass player has an enormous fan
\nwhich he takes to gigs now and I can reap the benefits. As I said its very
\ncosy so there is risk from low flying violin bows during certain numbers.
\nThose amongst you who indulge in fiddling will know that violins are quite
\nsensitive instruments and area little bit prone to things dropping off mid
\ntune… The crowd was enthusiastic on the whole so it was a generally good
\nvibe. Dan the Harp player is riding his BSA to some gigs now and was a bit
\nworried when I was parking my car, in the gap next to it, but it was OK as
\nI missed . I chatted to one of the punters whilst walking back to my car and
\nthey had obviously enjoyed it quiet a bit, so that was very gratifying. I
\nwas a bit nervy on Saturday, so I did not achieve too much during the day.
\nThen a drive down to Chobam for our gig at the “Castle Grove”. luckily they
\nwere not underwater when we arrived, though its a place which gets flooded
\nquite regularly. We played in a marquee in the garden but it did start to
\nrain and about half way through the first set water started to come in. We
\nshifted all the plugs and socket of the ground and lifted up everything that
\nwas not on stands and played on. At half time the rain stopped so the second
\nset was dry, until we finished then hey presto it started to rain again. An
\nappreciative if slightly damp audience. A lot of cable wiping and stuff as
\nwe got the stuff ready to pack in the van. The drive home was very wet with
\nrain coming from every angle. Today was a major chill-out day….And the sun
\nshone.<\/p>\n

There’s the Good stuff and the
\nbad stuff and then there is the other stuff:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That should be quite clear I hope.<\/p>\n

In life we spend far too much time looking for answers which are are usually
\nright in front of us. You can spend along time building crackpot theories
\nas to why things are not working out, but then you discover that shock, horror
\nthere is no conspiracy you are just dealing with idiots….<\/p>\n

I had some questions that needed
\nanswering and they were answered completely openly and honestly. Everything
\nmust change or decay.<\/p>\n

I had dreamed of an escape route from my present situation but I pinned my
\nhopes to someone else’s dream making it happen for me, but actually in reality
\nI am on my own and that has come as a shock. Still grasping that fact is helpful
\nas it allows for a more realistic approach in future.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

About time for another entry<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Confused Date<\/p>\n

Posted: 5th July 2007 at 12:28
\nam – Comments<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well stuff moves on apace. Plenty of Elephant shelf gigs as ever and we are
\nalso recording some stuff as well. We have had a 4 page magazine article about
\nus in a new publication called ‘Swinging Heaven’. Rather a surprising place
\nto be published in as its related to a website called http:\/\/www.swingingheaven.co.uk\/shm.html
\nIronic as half the band is virtually celibate or too far gone to care. Still
\nI suppose we might get some better offers now .<\/p>\n

Gigs are booked up till December
\nat the moment so that will keep me out of mischief for a while and we will
\nbe doing some recording as well. We are also doing a few slightly different
\ntypes of gigs with a couple of jazz rock specials with some very good players
\nin the near future including a very special one in September if it happens.
\nWe played at the Kings head in Islington last night which is fast becoming
\na regular venue to very good effect. Odd as it is our first gig since the
\nsmoking ban came in to force and it was quite different, it felt less tiring
\nthough I might have imagined that. Also our third gig with Ingrid who did
\nthree numbers with us last night. She was interview on Radio London last Sunday
\nabout her previous career in the 80’s and gave us a plug. Can’t hurt can it?
\nAnd we are trying to angle an invite to the studio with the band or at least
\npart of it. The Lucious Laura handbag was also in attendance with a friend
\nwho’s name escapes me, but nice to see you both anyway<\/p>\n

Another day wrestling with crap
\ndatabases today, but its Karma I guess as I created the evil designs in the
\nfirst place.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

More old Rot<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 25th May 2007 at 04:25 pm<\/p>\n

A pleasant evenings diversion on O’Neill’s Blackheath last night, not a bad
\ngig though I have an annoying sore throat bug thats making me feel a little
\nbit off form. Off to Rays Jazz Shop to a CD Launch for TIm Collinson in a
\nfew minutes.He played at the Music Palace on one of the Thursday Jazz nights
\nand I enjoyed it.<\/p>\n

On Sunday we have a gig at the
\nSalisbury Pub which should be fun as it’s usually a good vibe there. It’s
\nlikely that the Shelf will be changing a bit in the next couple of months,
\nhopefully for the better but if you haven’t seen us and think you might like
\nto now might be a good time.<\/p>\n

#237Stuff and Nonsense<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 6th May 2007 at 08:01 pm<\/p>\n

It’s fascinating to read some of the crap and apocrypha that circulates around
\nthe web, the frightening thing is that a lot of people seem to belive it.<\/p>\n

A bit of a strange week this one,
\nonly one gig, a trio one at the Pink Bordello LGBT opening night and unfortunately
\nit was an empty house even with the free champers. So a little disapointing
\nthough the Pink Bordello Jazz club will continue I think.<\/p>\n

This weekend is mostly band rehersals
\nand web up-dates including putting more stuff on You Tube for the band. I
\nam not a big fan of bank holiday weekends but it’s nice to get a break from
\nwork though. Sometimes in certain areas its a little bit like banging your
\nhead against a brick wall but its nice when it stops. I watched a great film
\ntoday “Ray”, which is Ray Charles Bio and found it quite moving.<\/p>\n

Next weekend we have a couple of
\ngigs lined up at the Princess Alexandra in Crouch End on Friday and O’Neals
\nMuswell Hill on Saturday which has to be the biggest pub I have ever seen
\nand is in a converted church with a double decker bar.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#236Prince 2 and other boring sh***<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 28th April 2007 at 12:43 pm<\/p>\n

Any one who knows what Prince 2 is I am sure will sympathise with me as I
\nhave just been doing a week long training course and on Friday the exam, which
\nwas weird for me as its done on paper and I generated 19 pages of scribble
\nfor it, though the leading contender did 23.<\/p>\n

Decided said course is an invention of the<\/p>\n

Severe case of the writers cramp
\nafter that one I can tell you.<\/p>\n

Then in the evening a gig at the Music Palace, but sleep walking a bit as
\nvery knackered from the exam.<\/p>\n

The www.Pinkbordello.co.uk and
\nThe Music Palace http:\/\/myspace.com\/musicpalacelondon look like there are
\ngoing to be really good and we had our official opening night of the Jazz
\nwith Big Chief playing this Thursday which was nice Darcy was doiing the Hostess
\nthing and will be in attendance at the LGBT night which is this coming Wednesday.Darcey
\nwill also be there on our opening LGBT night too<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Elephant Shelf will be going through a few changes in the next few weeks too
\nso look out for that, though there is unlikely to be any Kylie at the moment<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#235To grow or not to grow<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 10th April 2007 at
\n11:22 am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Everything in my life seems to
\nget bigger, though not always better.<\/p>\n

The option to stand still is not there anymore, and my confidence in many
\nareas is increasing but I do feel more and more lost in some respects. In
\na sense the more limitations you have the less you need to worry about.<\/p>\n

Went to see the in laws this weekend
\napart from the usual 2 gigs which went quite well but more of that later.
\nI go in boy mood to see the in laws but they are fully aware of everything
\nand so as they have just got broadband was able to show them some u-tube video
\nof Elephant Shelf which Dad-in -law much enjoyed particularly watching Jessie.
\nI suspect that they just tag my TG’ness as some sort of slightly artistic
\neccentricity, still its an easy cop-out.Then on to the sister-in-laws as they
\nlive around the corner for a chat about the government wasting money and more
\nwatching Elephant Shelf on You tube.Almost convinced Alison to die her hair
\nas it was red but is now white in places and its a bit ageing. Sister in law
\nDawn will pop down to london to see a gig at some point and her husband Richard
\nsaid he might come down so that will be fun. Dawn is a make-up artist for
\nphoto shoots and films but does the extras rather than the stars I think.<\/p>\n

Too good gigs on Friday and Saturday,
\none our new venue The Music Palace at Crouch End, which is a nice 150 seat
\nvenue in a sort of 80’s style in a old chapel and we are booking acts for
\nit too. Then another new venue on Saturday, an O’Neils in Muswell Hill which
\nis also in an old church though extremely large.<\/p>\n

The day job continues on apace
\nand things seem to be coming together quite well, but there is always something
\nnew on the boil and there never seems to be time to consolidate anything,
\nbut that’s life I suppose.<\/p>\n

I don’t have time to agonise about
\nbeing TG, its like zen I am and that’s it.Most pople deal with it quite well
\nby ignoring it totally and treating me like a normal human being, which is
\ncool.<\/p>\n

Acceptance is actually being asked
\nto pass the loo role through to the other cubicle<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#234Take a deep breath<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 28th March 2007 at 10:07 am<\/p>\n

Well I have been having a slightly strange time of it recently, I have had
\nseveral panic attacks in a row and also bouts of insomnia, which has left
\nme feeling a bit wasted, but on the plus side I am now able to do a portion
\nof my work from home which is much better as with no interruptions I can actually
\nget to finish off a few things for a change.<\/p>\n

I ma not sure if I am going to need soemthing from the Doc or not but I wil
\nwait and see.<\/p>\n

I am not convinced that the band(Elephant
\nShelf) is going to make past pub status somehow, I did have high hopes for
\nit at one time, but it may be useful as a springboard to better things when
\nI have enough confidence.<\/p>\n

Alisons hand is begining to get
\nthe strength back now which is a very good sign and she go’s for her first
\nproper physio session today.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

More inane ramblings<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 4th February 2007 at 12:07 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Its great having a spell checker
\non the browser, I might even get mistaken for someone vaguely intelligent!<\/p>\n

A couple of reasonably well attended
\ngigs this weekend, After Office Hours in Barnet on Friday which was rather
\nlively as a low flying drunk nearly demolished my piano on about the second
\nnumber which was taking things a little to far in the audience participation
\nstakes I feel, but a mostly good vibe and quite a reaction.<\/p>\n

Down at the Joogleberry Playhouse
\nin Brighton on Saturday and it was nice to meet Sandra Brighton and Barbara
\nduring the break. We were not quite hitting top form on one or two of the
\nnumbers but that’s the way it is sometimes. We had a guest vocalist Greg Derham
\nwho has an excellent band of his own that is really worth seeing. We also
\nhad Menno who is a comedian who did some comedy songs in the interval so it
\nwas quite a varied bill. A few nice comments after the gig too. The Joogleberry
\nis a very nice place to play but its a bit tiring combined with the drive
\nback to London however I managed to keep awake just long enough to get home
\nbut I was a bit shattered I must admit. We do tend to play quite long sets
\nwhich combined with a long drive can be a bit of a killer sometimes.<\/p>\n

The band business grinds on inexorably
\nbut it is getting a little too much like a job in some respects. If you have
\nan evening when you are not quite cutting it, even though the audience is
\nwith you and has enjoyed it, it is rather dishartening at times. The appeal
\nof running off and joining the circus is only there before you join and not
\nafterwards.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Winter Whats that all about then
\n?<\/p>\n

18th January 2007 at 07:10 pm -My Real Birthday<\/p>\n

A pretty good weekend with the Salisbury gig being an ab fab way to spend
\nones 50th Birthday. Enjoyed it loads and Mrs Diana came too which was a surprise
\nas she is not often in attendance at gigs, everybody playing well and a great
\ndebut by the Treacles with their new line up.<\/p>\n

Big respect to Dee Treacle(who
\nmy other half seemed quite intrigued by) as it was only her second gig and
\nquite a crowd to play too but they did really well so they will be back in
\nFeb to do it again.<\/p>\n

I am finding the day job very tiring
\nat the moment, I must admit but I am just about getting through it. I having
\nto go a little further out on that proverbial limb again, so let’s hope the
\nbranch can take the weight. Its just that whole winter thing where you run
\nout of steam, and its so dull dreary that you can’t be arsed to get out of
\nbed and when you do, you think is it really worth it , but we have to fight
\nthe good fight otherwise what is there left…<\/p>\n

Sales people don’t you just love
\nem. I know they have to make a living but in the day job I have to deal with
\none or two prize specimens. Its not something I would want to do.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The New Year so far<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 13th January 2007
\nat 04:38 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Did my first gig since new years
\neve on Thursday down at O’Neals in Blackheath.Not my favorite venue but its
\nwas a very enjoyable gig and a good crowd. Slightly amused to an office party
\nof coppers in celebrating their collegues promotion and or transfer.<\/p>\n

One came over said “I am really
\nenjoying the music, but you must get a lot of grief particulary in places
\nlike this”. I explained it was actually one of our regular venues and
\nso forth. I think it was a bit of an eye opener for them, and perhaps worth
\nrather more than the average diversity training session<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Off tonight to do my 200 gig with the dreaded Elephant Shelf and also the
\nlive debut of the treacles new vocalist Shazzy, should be fun !<\/p>\n

Gloria (who I have big respect for) is also playing tonight, and she is always
\ngreat entertainment.<\/p>\n

The Salisbury Hotel is a really
\ngood venue on Shelf Home turf so we should have a few of the regular crowd
\nin.<\/p>\n

We have also just finished a new
\n5 track CD featuring 2 studio recordings and 2 live performance recordings
\nmade at the Joogleberry in Brighton plus a very old recording from the very
\nfirst incarnation.<\/p>\n

We will be selling the new cd tonight:Thanks
\nto all at ShelfLife Productions who were bizzy duplicating it yesterday, as
\nI have just finished the mixes this week, and the artwork was finalised yesterday
\ntoo so its been quite an effort.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2007<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Depressed<\/p>\n

Date Posted: Yesterday at 12:10
\nam –<\/p>\n

What’s it mean to you?<\/p>\n

It’s going to be a busy year for
\nme I know. 2006 was quite successful in many ways, but I feel that I don’t
\nhave too much left in reserve now. Life sometimes gets a little too much for
\nme to cope with at times. Ok I have a cunning plan or too up my sleave but
\nare they going to work god only knows… I have the same aspirations and dreams
\nthat I had last year and just maybe I am getting closer to some of them.<\/p>\n

I have lost contact with a few
\nfolks this year, not sure why though.Maybe I don’t have enough in common with
\nthem anymore. Interestingly I was described by a singer who sometimes guests
\nwith our band as appearing aloof, which is actually not the case at all, it’s
\nactually a combination of shyness and anxiety and not wanting to put my foot
\nin it by saying something stupid. Also I like people but I can’t do small
\ntalk very well and I tend to dry up.<\/p>\n

I also get almost agraphobic at
\ntime and could just lock myself away and not speak to anyone and not step
\noutside the door, plus I am quite obsessive and get stressed when ever any
\nsort of dead line is involved. I worry about time keeping but am nearly always
\nlate for everything, so pretty hopeless really.<\/p>\n

And I still don’t feel that I quite
\nfit anywhere…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#221 A couple of days off.<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 23rd December 2006 at 12:51 pm<\/p>\n

Maybe I am just an old cynic, but to me the best bit about Christmas is having
\na couple of extra days off work.<\/p>\n

My life has very strong demarcation
\nlines now. Whilst I am very out away from the work environment I still feel
\nthe need to not have my TG aspect spill over in to the 9 to 5 at the moment.I
\nthink this is because its a way of putting up a barrier between who I feel
\nI am and who people perceive I am and in a sense I feel that I would loose
\ncredibilty.That may be a controversial stance but I deal with a lot of quite
\nblokey external contacts, and talking to sales reps is not my Forte, so these
\ninteractions are somewhat forced already, so for the moment keeping the double
\nact up seems to be a practical solution. As far as being in business for myself
\nthats a different matter.<\/p>\n

I am not sure that at the moment
\nI would want to break down that final line between Office World and the rest
\nof my life, as it still gives me a bit of a refuge. One collegue from work
\nhas seen me performing with the Shelf but did not disclose anything much about
\nit. One or two others are very interested in my musical endevours but so far
\nthey have not discovered anything to do with Diana though I am sure they could
\nfigure it out eventually.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#220 Seasons of mists and sore
\nthroaty-ness<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 9th December 2006 at 11:39 am<\/p>\n

Been feeling quite rough this week and very tired, the cough and throat problem
\nis still there, but I have been sleeping a lot and that seems to have helped
\na bit. A low key weekend.<\/p>\n

We are doing a gig at http:\/\/www.oliviersjazzbar.com\/
\nin Greenwich tonight.Should be fun. Its a nice venue, very intimate and has
\na quite responsive crowd, and hope fully the weather will stay settled too,
\nwhich may tempt people out.<\/p>\n

This is about the only live music venue left in Greenwich now, and its future
\nis a little uncertain too which is a shame.<\/p>\n

Its been a very difficult week
\nat the day job which, and it looks like its not going to get any better for
\na while yet.On the whole things are going well but there are several parallel
\nprojects going on and only myself and 1 trusty side kick to implement and
\nbuild them whilst still keeping all the rest of our trusty home brewed systems
\nworking having just been informed that the replacement for these which will
\nbe built by a very well known contractor for central government( yes thats
\nthe one) will now be about another 5 years a way before its initial rollout.
\nSo we are now looking at ways to improve the robustness of our home brewed
\ntoys.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#219 December<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 2nd December 2006 at 10:02 am<\/p>\n

Well its here and the shortest day is coming very soon.work wise things are
\nfrantic and I am not too sure how well I can keep up with it.Had to do a presentation
\nat work and that always seems a bit surreal to me.I can’t always take things
\nto seriously.<\/p>\n

My Brother in Law died in hospital
\nrecently after suffering a sudden onset disease at the age of 55. He was a
\nvery laid back person most of the time and also one of the normal people that
\nseemed to have a balanced life and not seem to suffer fron endless self-referrence.Its
\nall in the role of the dice I suppose though.As it turned out I could not
\ngo to the funeral but he was very well liked and there were about 300 people
\nin attendance. Alison had a puncture on the M25 whilst on the way which required
\na new tyre and so also missed the funeral.<\/p>\n

Luckily the gigs have eased off
\na bit. last weekend we did 3 that went fairly well.We were at the Princess
\nAlexandra in North London on Friday which has now become the home ground and
\ngot a fab reaction there.Then Saturday in Brighton at the Joogleberry Playhouse,
\nwhich was also ace, and they do good veggie food too.Jess Green of the Treacles
\nwho is a Brighton body came to see us too and a had quite a good chat with
\nher too as she is quite a muso one way and another. The Treacles should be
\nquite good to see when they start giging I think.<\/p>\n

This week only one down in Cobham
\nand its a of a relief to be honest. I have a bit of a sore throat too and
\nhave been consuming industrial quantitys of raw garlic which may help a bit.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#218 Surviving Prince Albert For
\nthe weekend and other stuff<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 18th November 2006 at 07:15 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well the Battersea Real music weekend was a success, we managed to get 12
\nacts or so on over three days and a reasonable number of punters into, plus
\nwe have a lot of it on video too so I will add some of that to the web site
\neventually too. Quite strange spending a whole weekend in a pub, but not an
\nunpleasant experience. The food at the Prince Albert’s quite good too so that
\nwas a real advantage.<\/p>\n

Thanks to all the bands that came
\nalong and took part too amongst whom were this lot:Greg Derham Band, Paul
\nGarner Band, Jools and the Gamblers, Ed Benstead, Jimmy C, Delta Tom,Rob McCabe,
\nLouis Cennamo, Natalie B, Ghost,Whiskey at Breakfast, Dead Cat Bounce and
\nall others who took part. Special thanks to our roadie Jim and also Martin
\nout new roadie, because Jim is moving to sound mixing now who worked hard
\nto get it all to happen and to Ian Brown our good friend who underwrote the
\nwhole venture.<\/p>\n

Played three times that weekend,
\nWe did a set with Jimmy C plus the Louis Cennamo Quartet very generously providing
\nthe rhythm section as his band couldn’t make it and then later we did the
\nTrio Act and the Elephant shelf full Monty in the evening and then we did
\nThe shelf again on Sunday and also with our guesting singer the totally awesome
\nJenny Mac as well as the wonderful Jessie Pie.<\/p>\n

Great fun but having to be there
\nall day from Midday past midnight in Saturday and similar on Sunday as well
\nas playing was a bit shattering.<\/p>\n

The aim was to re-launch the venue for live music but there were complaints
\nabout noise so this seems unlikely, which is a shame as its a really nice
\nplace to play, but you can’t win them all.Still something may kick off from
\nit eventually.<\/p>\n

last weekend we were at the Hornsey
\nTavern on Saturday, and its was nice to meet up with Chrissy who plays bass
\nin Funk\/Soul band I think and had come up from Kent to see us, and on Sunday
\nnight we did a trio gig at the Princess Alexandria in Crouch end, which is
\nalso a really friendly venue and sort of on Shelf home turf.<\/p>\n

This weekend so far we have been
\nat O’Neals Blackheath on Thursday,(good reception but its always a terrible
\nsound there, so it makes it hard work to play, then Friday at Viva Viva in
\nHornsey, again a very good night and good fun though its quite a small venue
\nand fitting everyone on stage is a bit of a struggle.<\/p>\n

Tonight its madame Vicky’s Birthday
\nand we have a gig at the Salisbury in Green lanes starting at about 10.00.
\nIt’s a nice place to play because there is a reasonable amount of space to
\nspread yourself in and its a good party crowd.<\/p>\n

Tomorrow is collapse in a heap
\nday before getting back to the office then Friday we are at it again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#217 Tired<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 2nd November 2006 at 11:07 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am just so tired at the moment and aching quite a bit too. I seriously considering
\nlimiting my activities a bit as I am not functioning well at all.<\/p>\n

Somehow I have got to get through this weekend in one piece, which is going
\nto be difficult….<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#216 Introspection and feeling
\na little odd<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 17th October 2006 at 06:54 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Couldn’t make it to work today as I was feeling a bit ill: went back to bed
\nslept most of the day and felt better later. Just hope that I am am not up
\nfor a recurrence of previous problems, but I suspect its just a hiccup. Yesterday
\nI had no concentration and just kept making mistakes and I suspect tomorrow
\nwill be the same, but if I am feeling a bit better that should help I think.<\/p>\n

I seem to have been very introspective in the last couple of weeks which is
\nfine for creativity, but living in your head can get a bit weird.<\/p>\n

Perhaps its national ‘Who am I
\nweek?’ or something. Or perhaps its just the seasonal road hump that seems
\nto slow my thought process about now. I have also been having quiet weird
\ndreams and often I don’t remember my dreams at all, but lots of the dreams
\ninvolve people I have not seen for a long time, and a feeling of loneliness
\nwhich is also a bit out of scope because recently I am hardly ever alone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#215 Mist and mellow thingys time<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 16th October 2006 at 08:31 am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2 more gigs: Friday at the Princess Alexandra in Crouch End to a very happy
\ncrowd who seem to be really enjoying it, and the floor was awash with beer
\nby the end too. But a great really fun night and we finished very late it
\nturned in to a 3 hour set and so to bed at 3 but still wide awake. Still not
\nquite sure what to make of it all, but it seems to keep me happy doing this.<\/p>\n

Had a very lazy Saturday.Off to
\nShepherds Bush O’Neals and again quite a fun evening, played a resonable set
\nbut not many people in as its only really busy there when the theater next
\ndoor is open. In a rather playfull mood when we got to the venue just for
\na change. Played another fairly long set, plenty of people dancing which was
\ncool and quite a lot of improvising on the numbers too.<\/p>\n

Sunday working on recording one
\nof my own tunes, doing a sort of slow celtic thingy which just needs a violin
\npart added now.Also doing some minor changes to to website’s and a very long
\nphone call from my sister who is coming to visit next week.<\/p>\n

Nipped out to take a couple of
\nphotos for a new<\/p>\n

Promotional website for our new venture at the Prince Albert pub. www.batterseavillage.co.uk
\nWe are doing a Music weekend there which will be Blues Jazz and Folk\/World
\nmusic on November 3, 4, 5 which we are hopping will be a success as its another
\none of my local pubs and they are into promoting live music.There will be
\nabout 12 or 14 acts on over the weekend so fingers. toes knees and everything
\nelse crossed and touching wood it we hope it will be good.It will be the first
\ntime that I have played there too, but we are hopeing that it will be come
\na regular music venue if we can get enough folks through the door.<\/p>\n

I note there is a crew of TG Metalists
\nin lurking in South London called<\/p>\n

Dys4ia http:\/\/www.myspace.com\/dysphoriarock Rather different to the the stuff
\nthat I do solo or the Shelf gets up to but I am sure that they will good to
\nsee when they are out and giging. Don’t know any off them personally but I
\nsuspect there will folks here that do.<\/p>\n

There is quite an outbreak of Roses
\non myspace now too, quite a few familiar names and faces there. I have allso
\ngot a page there and have sort of started a blog there too. http:\/\/www.myspace.com\/dianastone
\n.Its music related but will have the odd picture of me as well and links to
\nother that I do.<\/p>\n

Anyway time for a the usual hours
\npiano practice, then off to work for another day of tedium and crap. Hurrah<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#214 Some good news-ish<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 29th September 2006 at 01:05 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Had some good news on the day job front as a couple of projects that I am
\nworking have been approved so thats a couple of things less to worry about.<\/p>\n

Still churning out the noise with
\nthe Shelf, out at O’Neals in Blackheath last night, not our most together
\ngig but it went ok ish.Various people taking pictures, I wonder where they
\nall go ? I was slightly hiddenl ast night behind our temporary horn section
\nbut as there were a few cock-ups this was no disadvantage.The very wonder
\nJenny Mac was doing vocals with us last night and her voice is totally awesome.
\nNext month will be quite busy for gigs too.One thing that is very difficuilt
\nis getting hold of venue owners or other folks when you are trying to get
\na booking confirmed, madame V is the one that is handling most of that and
\nI can see its stressfull having tried to make a couple of calls whilst she
\nwas on her holidays.<\/p>\n

BTW what is a holiday, I seem to remember these in the very distant past but
\nI suspect they may be a myth.<\/p>\n

So we seem to be having lots of
\nrain is there still a drought ?<\/p>\n

On the personal front one is trying
\nnot to take things too seriously at the moment to avoid to much of this<\/p>\n

My concentration is a bit crap
\ntoo. At the moment I am an old dog trying to learn a few new tricks but there
\nis a slight mental log jam.<\/p>\n

Also my voice seesm to have got rather wayward and completly canged its normal
\nrange, which is a bit disconcerting too, not sure yet if its a good or bad
\nthing. I don’t do much singing live, but it may be come an issue at some point
\nif I ever start doing more of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#213 Down Time<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 17th September 2006 at 10:39 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am pretending to take a rest this weekend, but actually its not working
\nthat well.I have been getting very wound up and nervy for the last week and
\nI have no concentration or inclination to get on with anything.<\/p>\n

Though at the same time I am pacing about like a cat on a hot tin roof.<\/p>\n

I have actually never seen a tin roof, but I digress.<\/p>\n

I also feel quite low and I am
\ngoing to have fight that. its the second anniversary of my ceasing to take
\nSSRI’s and on the whole its been quite an interesting ride, but I still cannot
\ndeal with the silences when I am alone with my thoughts.<\/p>\n

Interestingly the speed of the
\ncycle’s between mania and a low are a lot more rapid these days and far less
\nsevere, so a feeling of total worthlessness might only last half a day, which
\nis a help.<\/p>\n

Normal service will be resumed
\nshortly…..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 10th September 2006
\nat 09:48 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Pleasant weekend interlude.<\/p>\n

Starting a with a rather manic
\ngig in on Friday Barnet, with a couple of guest Trumpet players. The audience
\nwas well tanked up by the end of it and it was a relief to get away at the
\nend. The sound balance was not good either which always makes things a strain.<\/p>\n

Mair (A Welsh Artist who met me and the band at the Worlds End and who has
\na very interesting website too, which is well worth a look) who is newish
\nto the forum came along and said hello in the interval which was nice too.She
\nis quite involved with the Beaumont society and has suggested that I pop along
\nto something at some time. I am not to sure what they would make of me to
\nbe honest! I was a member many years ago and it was a helpfull place to start.
\nHome at about 02:30<\/p>\n

Saturday we were at Olivers Bar
\nin Greenwich and it was a great night in every respect.Much more fun than
\nFriday. Olivers is a very friendly place too though it is a very intimate
\nvenue. Everyone was in good spirits with quite a lot of laughing and jokeing
\ngoing on amoungst the band.We also had Jenny Mac who will be singing with
\nus occasionally in the future get up and do a number too. Home at about 02:30
\nagain..<\/p>\n

Had a lie in on Sunday,Phew.Then
\nin the afternoon we did a half hour set at the Tavistock festival which took
\nplace just off Portabello Road, great fun and a very good reception too.A
\nnice Sunny afternoon and just warm enough.There is something about September
\nthat always makes me feel good.I think because we went on our holidays then
\nwhen I was a little one.<\/p>\n

Chatted to a few of the audience afterwards.Then off to the pub for a swift
\nhalf and home.<\/p>\n

Next weekend We are having a break,
\nwhich is good becasue I am getting a little knackered, and I need to do a
\nbit of mental catch up. Also there are a few things on the home front that
\nmight need attention too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Shattered but strangely relaxed<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 5th September 2006
\nat 12:10 am – Comments (1)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Played a brill gig at the Princess
\nAlexander in Crouch End on Friday. Fantastic reaction and the place was totaly
\npacked by the end of the evening.Lots of new faces in the crowd too, and hopefully
\nthey will come again, I could do with a few nights like that.just a totaly
\namazing buzz.Very favorable comments afterwards about yours truly too thanks
\nfolks. Vamped it up slightly that night with a slightly less demure look.
\nDon’t think anyone got any pictures though.<\/p>\n

Then Saturday down in Chobam surrey
\nat a little country pub called the Castle Grove, again a very enthusiastic
\ncrowd so great fun to play. Got there quite early and chatted with the bar
\nstaff for a while.The last time I drove down to Chobam I got completly lost
\nand went around in circles.<\/p>\n

Some very nice feedback from a local pro muso who caught our second set was
\nimpressed.Its always good to hear positive stuff from a pro.<\/p>\n

Spooky occurance of the day:<\/p>\n

Jim our roady, the local muso we
\nwere chatting to and myself all share a birthday on January 18, perhaps I
\nshould start a club.<\/p>\n

Back to work today and it was so
\nrubbish, I was soooo bored.<\/p>\n

I expect tommorow will be just as exciting too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

OMG its you…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 28th August 2006 at
\n12:09 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A couple of very good gigs this
\nweekend with a very good crowd.<\/p>\n

The Hornsey Tavern on Friday night, with a slightly larger band as we had
\nSax and Trumpet with us, too very good players Antonio and Sam.<\/p>\n

Really lifted the whole thing to another level.<\/p>\n

Well it finally happened, someone
\nfrom the office came to our gig last night at the Salisbury in Green Lanes.Shes
\nthe PA to our Chief Excutive.After we had done the last number she came up
\nto the stage and said she really enjoyed it, and she did not know that I played
\nViolin as well as Keyboards.Ironically it took me a moment to recognise her
\nbecause she has really big hair, but has it tied back.Then she said something
\nelse and the penny dropped. And I said<\/p>\n

its you, and she said “yes of course it is”, so she will be getting
\na CD or 2. the strange thing is that she is from west London and was out with
\nboyfriend and they just happened to drop in by chance. She says she will definiately
\nbe coming to another gig. I think I was more suprised to see her than she
\nwas to see me. As far as I was aware she had no idea that I was tranny before
\nlast night, but she was totaly cool with it. She said that she realised it
\nwas me when Vicky did the introductions for the band.<\/p>\n

One more to go at the Haven Bistro
\ntonight then back to work tommorow.<\/p>\n

Then Friday off we go again at the Princess Alexandra in Crouch End which
\nis a venue we have not played before.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scrotes assorted<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 25th August 2006 at
\n06:49 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Some darling little scrote or scrotes
\nplural stole one half of our PA. its costing an arm and a leg to get a replacement,
\nso one is not very pleased at all. However the show must go on as they say.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Moving swiftly along<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 22nd August 2006 at
\n11:28 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well doing the usual stuff I guess,
\n3 gigs last week at Olivers Jazz Bar in Greenwich on the Friday, which is
\na new venue for us.Nice atmosphere but rather bijou as its in a cellar.Oliver
\nis very nice and has a big moustache, this may have significance I have been
\ntold. Not a bad gig as the audience loved it but the band was suffering from
\nTFL syndrome.( I will leave you to work that one out) plus there were a few
\nfluffs.<\/p>\n

Greenwich is always a difficult
\ndrive from my bit of London, so I need to find a sensible route may be via
\nBirmingham?<\/p>\n

Saturday during the day doing some
\nweb updates on the shelfs website, then off to the Salisbury at Green Lanes
\nfor the next gig, and on much better form too.Very good fun but a bit shattered
\nafterwards.<\/p>\n

Sunday<\/p>\n

dropped the car off to get its MOT done.Chatted to a Client about doing a
\nwebsite for them. Then off to The Abbey in Kentish Town for a Trio gig.<\/p>\n

A good vibe but a bit shattered, also we had a guest appearance from a local
\ntradition folk player on mandoline on a couple of numbers.There should be
\nsome great pictures from that night as he was very beardy and Kilted with
\nsporon too. How eclectic is that. Ms Vicky said that my legs had been commented
\non in a complimentary way, but I think they may have talking about the mandoline
\nplayer whos legs were amazingly hairy.Some chat about violin playing and european
\ninfluences.I did’nt have the heart to say that my fiddle playing is of course
\ntraditional battersea style.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have been watching with interest as ever the transitioning threads and I
\nsee that a lot of girls are self-medicating.I can see why though if it was
\nme I might be worried about the quality of the products that I was getting,
\nbut then we are all adults, and there is a lot of information out there.But
\nI guess I would say to people get the best advice you can.A friend of mine
\nwho is no longer active at this forum is doing the same thing, but I think
\nthere may be tears before bedtime as their partner is not happy about it.<\/p>\n

In many respects things are going
\nwell, but I feel that there are a few bridges to cross before arriving at
\nthe crossroads and having to make a choice. Some parts of my life have opened
\nup amazingly and I am living quite a different lifestyle than I ever could
\nhave imagined. But I know that there may well be more.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Whats occuring then.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 11th August 2006 at
\n10:23 pm<\/p>\n

Video, video on the wall …<\/p>\n

Well the video that Ralph shot
\nin Brighton is excellent, and the band look realy good on it, plus the sound
\nis great too.It should help us get some better gigs.It will look great on
\nthe Elephant Shelf website.What was very noticable is how well the band is
\nplaying now, the ensemble work is much better.It’s very odd watching yourself
\non video, and you do become hyper-critical after a while.<\/p>\n

Friday night at Joogleberrys<\/p>\n

The gig last night was good, great
\nsound and there should be some really good video too.It was a very energetic
\ngig, lots of instrument swapping on my part.We did some newish numbers so
\nthat was a bit of a challenge but often the only way to get a new number right
\nis to do it in live performance then eventually it will sink in. Every one
\nseemed to be having a good time audiance and band included. The Joogleberry
\nalso has great food too so well worth a visit if you are down that way. Not
\nquite as full as we would have hoped but there is a lot going on in Brighton
\nthis week so a huge amount of competion. I must get down to Brighton for a
\nchill-out day some time soon.<\/p>\n

Tuesday Night<\/p>\n

Down in Brighton at the Joogleberry
\nTheatre last night. doing a gig with trio.Really tired driving back last night
\nthough so having a very lazy day today.<\/p>\n

We were on with Trudy Styles as part of her show, and it went really well.Fab
\nreponse from the audience, and hopefully we will get a few folks along on
\nFriday when Elephant Shelf play. It if it go’s half as well as Tuedays gig
\nit wil be brilliant.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Florence at “The Worlds End”
\nbut no Zebadee or Dylan the Rabb<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 23rd July 2006 at
\n12:19 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Did a gig at the Worlds End Finsbury
\npark last night.A fun night though way too hot for comfort and soaking with
\nsweat by the end of it, so I suspect not looking quite so good close up.Everyone
\nputting out loads on energy even though the bands combined age must be about
\n300 years old! Also met Florence from Roses who lives around the corner and
\nhad a chat to her.It’s always nice to meet new people, especially those from
\nthe forum face to face.Thanks for the drink Florence,you will have to come
\nto another gig so I can buy you one.Michele O’B on camera duty again,with
\nher usual entourage at the bar.Plenty of Arsenal supporters in too,(I think
\nits a sort of football team, but I am not really sure what that is)though
\nit being so hot quite a few people sat outside on the Pavement where it was
\ncooler, but we opened the doors up on the quieter numbers and a lot of people
\nwandered in the catch the last set. Vicky was sporting possibly the shortest
\nskirt I have seen on a non-working girl under over the age consent, but managed
\nto carry it off.<\/p>\n

Jessie was dressed in a rather demure floaty number which looked great too.
\nI was in orange which matched my glowing face by the end I suspect.<\/p>\n

Tonight the trio is off to play at Abbey in Kentish Town which is a nice little
\noub that has food and a suitably trendy camdenish clientel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hot weekend<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 16th July 2006 at
\n10:10 am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Played at Viva Viva in Hornsey
\non Thursday as the Trio, it was quite well received, though it was wrongly
\nbilled.The Trio gigs can be a bit exausting as two hours of quite energetic
\nviolin playing is usually my part in it, where as with the band I get a nice
\nsit down at the keyboard a lot of the time.We may work a second guitar part
\nin on the acoustic gigs on one or two numbers to make a bit of a contrast.
\nThen Friday night some thing a little bit different, Vicky Martin and I played
\nat a book launch for Vivian Fogel a local poetess at Crouch End Library.Michele
\nO’Brian in attendance and taking a few pictures.Not sure what all those litterary
\ntypes though of us.I think a few were slightly bemused. A very different kind
\nof gig and we may have picked up a little bit of interest there.Then off to
\nthe pub and home a bit earlier than usual.Rehearsing some new numbers by Jessie
\nand Vicky yesterday then off to the pub, and a meal at the Italian restaurant.
\nWe sat outside for that as the weather was allowing it, and for a change it
\nwas a little cooler. Today I am doing a spot playing in Notting Hill at the
\nPortobello Gold with the Trio again. Should be fun as its a very nice venue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

O’Neals
\nBlackheath<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Posted: 7th July 2006 at 05:18
\npm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Did a south of the river gig with
\nthe Shelf last night at O’Neals in Blackheath.<\/p>\n

Brilliant atmosphere and the crowd really up for it.Like other O’Neals its
\nvery lively and a mostly youngish crowd, and they loved it, which was nice.<\/p>\n

Michele O’Brian taking lots of pictures it being her manor of course.<\/p>\n

Sound not the best as a slightly odd shaped space, and also like other O’Neals
\nit tends to be very noisy, so nothing to subtle, just up front go for it numbers.
\nDan was also a big hit on Didgeridoo may be it’s the phallic aspect.The girls
\ncertainly seem to like Dan.How many bands do you know with 2 trannys and a
\n6′ 6” Antipodean playing a Didgeridoo? Thats got to be a USP(Unique Selling
\nPoint). Parking in Blackheath a bit rubish though, but managed to slip in
\naround the corner.On the drive over had to go via Peckham and intrigued to
\nsee the Police checking cars for Guns, well its different from dogy tax discs
\nI suppose.Traffic was a bit of a pain so I must find a better route for the
\nnext gig as its going to be a regular venue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Good the Good and the Ugly<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Psychedelic Date Posted: 3rd July
\n2006 at 11:24 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A fun weekend with the band.On
\nFriday played a wedding do at Lauderdale House, great fun. Quite amuzing as
\nwe had an improptue dance troupe of little ones, circling in front of the
\nstage area with Jessie leading them like the Pied Piper at one point. Punters
\nwell pleased and everybody happy.<\/p>\n

Next day down to Bracknell as the Trio to Play at the ‘Big Day Out’ which
\nis a one day arts and music festival and we played in a mini Circus style
\ntent.Was well received and we sold a few CD’s too. Then a stroll around and
\nchated to a couple of punters, if it had not been so hot I think I would have
\nstayed a bit longer, but it was just too hot.<\/p>\n

Sunday at home for most of the day and working on a new recording but it was
\njust so hot.Then off to Camden to do a gig at the Fidlers Elbow.<\/p>\n

Got there a bit early and Dan was already in the pub which was almost completely
\nempty except one family. Not a good sign but eventually a few punters turned
\nup though not a huge crowd, but very enthusiastic.Very hot and looking like
\n*Bleep* at the end and glowing more than a little.<\/p>\n

Landlord not impressed though. So won’t be doing that one again.<\/p>\n

Can’t win em all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 30th June 2006 at
\n04:42 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Got a day off, its boiling hot
\nout, so went down to the Kings Road to look in the shops, only around the
\ncorner for me but way out of my price league except for John Lewis at Sloane
\nSquare but they don’t have a sale on.<\/p>\n

Its great that girls are getting taller these days to as it makes my size
\nalmost allways available, except the shoes which are 9s unless there sandals
\nin which case its 8.<\/p>\n

Also doing a lot of planning work
\nto figure if I can make sufficient to live on with this muso stuff.Looks like
\nI am going to have to learn a little basic accounting too.Spreadsheets fortunately
\nhold fears for me Looks like long term I may be able to be a full time musician
\nwhich means being full time in every other respect.<\/p>\n

In the short time it means a lot more music in my life which is cool.<\/p>\n

So maybe I am running away from the Civil Service to join the circus.Good
\nI here you cry there a far too many clowns there already.<\/p>\n

How this will affect the domestics I don’t know yet.We will have to wait and
\nsee. My SO is not a party animal which makes things difficult if your in a
\nband. She came to a recent gig and sat in the corner with a face like a slapped
\narse for 2 hours, so she is not going to get envolved. The Shelf is playing
\nat a Weding tonight in Highgate so its posh frock on for that.It could do
\nwith being a little cooler by tonight though, but it stops me eating too much
\nI guess.<\/p>\n

Tomorrow our Trio ‘The Cleavage
\nof Death’ are playing as part of the ‘Big Day Out’ which is in Bracknell at
\nSouthhill Park, should be great fun I think. Vicky was very excited as she’s
\ngot a picture of her grinning manically in the brochure that she picked up
\nin Smiths.How cool is that then.<\/p>\n

Then Sunday night my first proper gig in camden as I missed last weeks one
\nbecause the car was having a senior moment.<\/p>\n

Then next week we do all again only more so…You might be suprised to know
\nhow little confidence I actually have, and although I love to play on a bad
\nits a real struggle to get out there, but once comfortably esconced on a stage
\nit’s OK<\/p>\n

I did hear the odd rumour that a lot of performers are cronically shy, well
\nthat will be me then, may be we are just looking for that little bit of approval.<\/p>\n

I have now put a forum on www.elephantshelf.com
\nso we can interact a with our followers, should be fun once we have a few
\npeople registered as at the moment we are useing email lists for a lot of
\nstuff but forums are great as there instant of course.I need to do a few hacks
\nto get it looking right but its written in php and I am ok with that, though
\nI am the worlds slowest at actually writeing code, and hack other peopels
\nabout quite quickly.<\/p>\n

If only our work place woulde go open source we could save \u00c2\u00a3100000’s
\nbut then I don’t want them to because I want less work not more.<\/p>\n

Cool theres a bit of a breeze starting up now so that should make tonight
\na litle bit more fun.Almost toenail painting time now so must dash.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Things look better in the morning<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 24th June 2006 at
\n11:58 am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A good nights sleep seems to have
\nhelped a bit. Its sometimes nice to have time and space to think. Often when
\nyou have the kind of mood swings that I do its hard to explain to people and
\nthe easiest option is just to keep away from folks for a little while so that
\nsnapping, biteing or scratching is not an issue ! I think if I can change
\nmy work regime it will help because my life style is not really quite right
\nthough it may not help in the current situation at home. There is a certain
\nlevel of denial from my partner about the way things are and where they are
\ngoing.We had a crisis last year and separated and then got back together 6
\nmonths later but the world had changed a lot for me in that time. Things are
\nnot sorted out yet and seem to have returned to a similar situation than before
\nI left,When you have to people who have long term mental problems living together
\nit can get very difficult.<\/p>\n

The problem occurs if one person is aware of there problems and seeks help
\nand the other admits they have problems but when given profesisonal help and
\ncounselling will not engage with it, but then subsqently they complain that
\nits has been of no help.<\/p>\n

My SO is now on anti-depressents after finally agreeing to take them after
\nmany years, and this has reduced tension, but not helped with the other problems.
\nAs you can imagine this can cause more than a little stress.<\/p>\n

After a few years respite from suffering from severe anxiety myself that particular
\nproblem has started to rear its head again, but I am starting to deal with
\nit again.<\/p>\n

It realy is not helpful when you are off to do a set somewhere as before the
\nshow can be pretty stressful at the bests of times anyway.I suspect I need
\nsome more councelling, maybe a top-up.<\/p>\n

Anyway time to get the show on the road again I think.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not that good a day<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 24th June 2006 at
\n12:08 am –<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My mood has gone right down to
\nthe bottom again. Lots of minor league agravation and something really annoying
\nthat I will mention here if its not resolved by the morrow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Over under sideways down<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 22nd June 2006 at
\n11:11 am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ok then. I am about to put a proposal
\nto work that I go part time so I would do 3 days a week. This would be perfect
\nfor me as I can then really ramp up the music activitys which I would love
\nto do and possible also do some frelancing on the IT front too. They should
\ngo for it because it will save them money, which they need to do.I can get
\nby on the lesser amount but it would mean a lot more time for all that band
\nstuff. Also for fixing a few other things that are wrong in my life too. A
\nlot has become clear to me in the last year or so and I am stoping blaiming
\nover people for the weird shit that happens in my life.Yes sometimes stuff
\nis over peoples faults, but when you ignore the signs and do nothing about
\nwhats happening then I guess its your own fault for doing nothing about ought.<\/p>\n

Anyone here on myspace.com ?I have
\na website there and its been quite interesting to see who has contacted me,
\na lot of bands and musos which was the point of going there, but also a few
\nguys of a certain age looking to make another kind of music together.Its kind
\nof amusing really and flattering on the whole and I am sure that some of them
\nwould be very nice but I am only looking for musical action right now.<\/p>\n

Boring tecky stuff.Finally got
\naround to sorting out a new router so now when I use my other computer via
\nits wirless link it stays on line.Any one still got a PC still runing windows
\n98 ? My old pc with all the music stuff on is win 98 and I just can’t be bothered
\nto upgrade.Before all you nerdy types start shouting linex at me, a lot of
\nmy software would not run on that platform but I agree its very good for a
\nlot of other stuff. Also still got a steam powered laptop that cost me an
\narm and a leg and is virtually useless now, though it makes quite a good sampler
\nand a drum machine.<\/p>\n

Before I had an IT Job I was fascinated by programming, now I seem to have
\nforgotten most of what I knew and I find it really boring, I supose everything
\ngo’s in cycles, though I gave up going on cycles a couple of years back when
\nI was still on anti-depressants as I had a slight tendancy to fall off.<\/p>\n

So I got rid of the bike, though I do walk a bit now to compensate.<\/p>\n

So how did we get from Myspace to bikes. Who knows, and who cares.<\/p>\n

Finally got a very long and swishy white skirt to look suitably summerish
\nin and so now the weather has mutiated back in to proper english weather as
\nin a bit cloudy with the odd sunny bit.<\/p>\n

Got my first outdoor gig at a street
\nfestival in Camden this weekend, so that will be different. We are doing an
\nhour there and then doing another gig later in the evening. Details on the
\nwww.elephantshelf.com website as ever. Actually my car playe dup so I did’nt
\nmake in the end.Shame<\/p>\n

I notice that quite a few pictures
\nfrom my websites are turning up other peoples websites, now I could block
\nthat quite easily but its ok I have got the bandwidth to spare, so maybe its
\na form of flattery.I found one on a goth RG’s site. Actually I am in the picture,
\nit was taken about 3 or 4 years ago when I last went to Scarborough with Roses,
\nand was taken by the very wonderfull Helen Bach (late of this forum) and now
\nmostly a native New Yorker I think. I last saw Helen at one of our gigs just
\nbefore Christmas with her partner Petra, but I have sort of lost touch since
\nthen.<\/p>\n

Actually now with the band and
\nwork its difficult to keep up todate with people really.My Social circle is
\nreally mostly Elephant Shelf related now, and people I meet through the band.I
\nam making a lot of new non-trans friends that way though, but its a shame
\nI haven’t been able to envolve a few of my other friends.There lives are still
\nquite compartmentalised though, where as mine has not got the same defining
\nboundarys. The next step would be the day job and its a thought thats in my
\nmind.The time is not quite right yet though but in a year or so maybe.<\/p>\n

Well one step at a time, I suppose.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That tingling feeling<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Cool Date Posted: 16th June
\n2006 at 10:38 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Played the Lion Lounge with the
\nnew slightly smaller incarnation of Elephant Shelf.Turned in to a very good
\nnight, with the band sounding good and a quite a good crowd.There was a slight
\ninteruption to the procedings as there was mains voltage leaking to places
\nits should not have been.This was hinted at by crackling noises like distant
\nlighting bolts crackling interferance on an old transister radio. So after
\nexperinencing a slightly unnerving tingling feeling there was some frantic
\npower lead swaping which fixed the problem, but it was an interesting moment.
\nAfter that things went very well. So I was feeling in quite a good mood this
\nmorning at work for a change.<\/p>\n

I am feeling a bit less stressed that I was, I am not sure if its just that
\nI am resigned to the fact that things are somewhat out of my control and I
\nshould get a sense of perspective about everything.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Its sooo Hot<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 11th June 2006 at
\n11:50 pm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Feeling slightly boiled today. Out last night playing at Hornsey Tavern, a
\nfair night but so hot it was hard to keep the energy up and one really glows
\nbig time. Today over to Vickys to get her computer back to health.Seems to
\nhave worked Ok.<\/p>\n

Got a great a pair of red wedge shoes that V had got that did not fit and
\njust like Cinders they fit me fine.Wondered how well they would go down at
\nwork.Not yet tiger. Well pleased.Played with the trio at Viva Viva in the
\nevening, not that good a vibe though.Then another quick drink in the Hornsey
\nTavern and home.Could do with it being a bit cooler but the make up is keeping
\ntogether just about.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blimey people actualy read this
\nstuff<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Curmudgeon Date Posted: 10th June 2006 at 01:30 am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I do get a certain pleasure from posting my trivia here, and its sort of useful
\nat times.The weird summer cold seems to be retreating after a truly epic battle
\nlasting about 3 weeks, but I still feel very tired. Last night went down to
\nwatch Jimmy C and the Blues Dragons (no not what your thinking ! ) and sat
\nin on the second set along with madam V and her ever complaining amp which
\nstarted playing up again,bless it.Its never been the same since it was dropped
\non its head, in much the same way as I was at about 9 months old.<\/p>\n

Never did me any harm though I do have a flat head.I think in the late 50’s
\nit was some quick test for the long term viabilty of offspring or something
\nin a similar vain to tin baths and outside loos which I suspect they still
\nhave in uncouth regions beyond the northern arc of the M25.<\/p>\n

It has crossed my mind a few times
\nrecently that it might be time to capitalise on the bricks and morter (well
\nre-enforced concreate and breaze blocks actually) and swan off to cheaper
\nclimbs possibly somewhere in the aformentioned uncouth regions,rather than
\nover the rainbow though it would mean waving “So long” to a few
\nthings. I am reliably informed that there is life in other regions of England
\nand I do have some evidence to support this but.<\/p>\n

Apparently theres even music…<\/p>\n

Today in the office I felt totaly
\nalien, more and more I feel like I am just passing through. The people there
\nare very nice, and I would miss some of them, but I don’t socialise much with
\nthem mostly because I am too tight to buy any drinks of course.There is one
\ntotaly stunning girl that works there whos all of 25 I should think and it
\nalways lifts my day to speak to her and makes me forget how crusty and ancient
\nI am for just a few moments.<\/p>\n

Perhaps there is no escape.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wind of change<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 7th June 2006 at 10:47 pm<\/p>\n

Not sure why but I have a strong urge to vanish off the raydar for a while.<\/p>\n

I am tired, my perspective on life is getting quite distorted and every thing
\nfeels like a role-playing game.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now what do you want if ..<\/p>\n

Mood: Twisted Date Posted: Yesterday at 12:54 am<\/p>\n

Still feeling rough and got a cough,
\nwent back to work today and its still rubbish. I really wish I could just
\nwalk away and leave it all behind.<\/p>\n

I don’t hav eany where else to go though so thats not really an answer. I
\nam not really that good at anything and I always feel so tired these days.
\nI am feeling depressed again, the attraction of going to bed an staying there
\nis getting stronger all the time.<\/p>\n

I need a break from the work environment,
\nbut if I take anytime off at all everything just gets worse and the pile of
\ncrap gets bigger and bigger.<\/p>\n

There is nothing worse than never being able to complete anything and thats
\nthe situation that I find myself in. Today I have only been swearing under
\nmy breath, but I am sure I could escalate this by the end of the week to a
\nfull on stream of profanities, though that sounds as though it might require
\na lot of energy to do.<\/p>\n

My dreams are getting a bit tattered
\naround the edges too and my capacity for hope has diminished.Its terribly
\ndifficult when one is surrounded by frightfully enthusiastic types and having
\nto nod in agreement and say yes it will be wonderfull later, but there is
\na huge gap in my life and something is missing.I also feel as if I am invisible
\nand as though I don’t exist, its a very weird feeling and I have had it before
\nbut not for many years though.<\/p>\n

That irrepressible Jumbo that is
\nthe Shelf continues to thunder across the plains to the watering holes of
\nNorth East London.Its all starting to be come a bit of a blur now though.
\nWe had gigs on Saturday at the Salisbury with a couple of Roses girls along
\ntoo in Green lanes and at Maddens in Finchley on Sunday which went well enough.Then
\nwe had a rehersal on the Monday, which is a rare phenomina now.We are a proper
\nband now as we have a rusty Ford Transit too to cart our stuff about in.It
\nhas somewhat excentric doorlocks, but I am sure we will come to grips these
\neventually. Jim our roadie use his archaine knowledge to gain entrance to
\nthe vehicle which mysteriously seems capable of locking its self when left
\nunattended, a truly remarkable charactaristic, and it still proudly displays
\na helradic device with the following motto “No tools left in the van
\novernight”.<\/p>\n

I put a couple more tracks on my
\nsoundclick music site tonight, so I continue to insinuate myself across the
\ninternet in my attempt at world domination.If thats alright with you of course.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

193 Human nature, what is it ?<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 26th May 2006 at 12:55 pm<\/p>\n

I watched the news on tele last night and saw the extraordinary video of the
\nmurder of 20 year old Daniel Pollen in a car park. A completely motiveless
\ncrime with no provocation. Of course the law states that is not murder as
\nit was not pre-meditated.It just completely does my head in.Why would any
\nwish to do such a thing, what goes on in other peoples heads…<\/p>\n

I can understand anger, I can understand rage I know what those things are.Maybe
\nI could get my head around it if there was a arguement that escalated in to
\na fight though it would still have been just as tragic.<\/p>\n

It is at these times that I am reminded that perhaps old MaggieThatcher was
\nright with her famous quote “There is no such thing as society”
\nas there can have been no sense in which the perpertraitors of this attack
\ncould have felt any sense of obligation to social norms or there fellow human
\nbeings in general.Are we now so isolated as individuals that we feel no moral
\nobligations to our peers ?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

192 Still feeling very wierd<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mood: Psychedelic Date Posted:
\n25th May 2006 at 10:13 pm<\/p>\n

Not quite recovered from this Fluey type thing, still very dizzy, and acheing
\nin some very strange places.Was supposed to be out tonight at the Lion Lounge
\ndoing an acoustic night. Will be the first gig that I have missed in 2 years,
\nso perhaps not too bad a record.I rang work and things are sort of OK, so
\nI think they will survive.<\/p>\n

I could just about sleep for a week though, so thank goodness its the bank
\nholiday so maybe I will be functional by the end of it all.Trouble is when
\nI get back we are straight in to the audit again.Ho Hum.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

191 Is it time to look for a new
\njob<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 24th May 2006 at 06:59 pm<\/p>\n

But seriously, may be it is time to think about doing something different,
\nlike road sweeping maybe, or bespoke earwax removal while you wait, or perhaps
\na “Dial a insult” service or maybe something really exciting like
\nstacking boxes. Did’nt go to work today as this cold\/Flue type thing got really
\nbad yesterday, temperature went right up acheing all over, and had a very
\nuncomfortable night but I am feeling a bit better today, though still coughing
\nrather a lot.<\/p>\n

Rang up HR to tell them I would not be in, and was asked what is wrong with
\nyou “where would you like to start ” I said “I am irritable,
\nslightly paranoid someone is danceing very badly just above the bridge of
\nmy nose in hiking boots,and rivers of snot are streaming from my bodily orifices,
\nand I think that this may reduce my effectiveness”.<\/p>\n

HR person “Yes, but whats wrong with you”… No only joking but
\nI was taken aback to be expected to list symptoms.perhaps I should have gone
\nin to more explicit graphic detail.had some very lurid dreams last night too.<\/p>\n

I shall continue my free-form trapeze act with out the safety net of a spell
\nchecker.<\/p>\n

Don’t you just love the internet, “Nation shall speak drivel unto nation”
\nor in my case snot.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

190 Two flat tyres<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 22nd May 2006 at 08:03
\npm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Got off the bus and walked past
\nmy car, noticed it had got 2 flat tyres both on the same side.Very odd as
\nI check my tyre pressure regularly in fact about 3 days before so it looks
\nlike some little *bleep*s having a go. Not very pleased at all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

189 Hi Ho Hi Ho ifs off to the
\nAnual Lecture we go<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 22nd May 2006 at 08:39
\nam<\/p>\n

Got the annual lecture today in a big hotel not a million miles from westminister,
\nand being a goverrnment department we have have got the jolly old Home sec
\npopping down for a chat and to tell us what he expects we are doing about
\nthoose criminal types.(No I don’t work in<\/p>\n

Imigration and Nationalty).I shall try not to cough and sneaze too loudly
\nthough. I can’t stand these sort of do’s but luckily they only occur about
\nonce a year, so I wil be strangly attired in my bloky suite which comes out
\nonce a year on average, with only my IT person pony tail to indicate who I
\nam.<\/p>\n

Its still quite odd working as a bloke when I now live most of live the predominant
\nprt of life looking mostly like a girly as Ms Tall might phrase it.<\/p>\n

Just time for a quick tinkle on the piano before I go though.<\/p>\n

Maybe I will write a song about:<\/p>\n

“Beechams Flu Plus, cause its just such wonderfull stuff, I can ever
\nget enough.<\/p>\n

Whoo, overdose…”<\/p>\n

In E flat based on on of the II
\nV I harmonic sequences, a light swing ballard perhaps.<\/p>\n

OMG I am rambling nurse the screens…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

188 Sore Throat<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 22nd May 2006 at 12:57
\nam<\/p>\n

Got a really annoying sore throat now. Did a Shelf gig last night at O’Neals
\nin Woking with a very young crowd, they all seemed to be having a jolly good
\ntime, it’s always nice to have a really a appreciative crowd. Noticed when
\nwe finished that the local constabulary was much in evidence on the streets.Every
\none good natured and enjoying themselves though and a real plus point doors
\nat the stage end so did not have to do the excuse me dance loading up to go
\nhome.Heard a rumour that it might get a bit lively and it was in a good way,
\npeople up and dancing after the first number.<\/p>\n

To bed at 03:00 as usual, but got
\na Sunday off as it’s my wedding aniversary today, 19 years and still married
\nish.<\/p>\n

First rule of trannying, tell your
\npartner sooner rather than later, its only taken mine about 17 years to forgive
\nme for this…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

187 Slighty more with it today<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 20th May 2006 at 11:41 am<\/p>\n

Out last night with the band at the “Bordello”, attendence is still
\ndire though.The venue is nice but its just not getting the punters so maybe
\nwe should go bi-monthly and see how that works out.<\/p>\n

An unexpected suprise though as
\nwe went across the road during the break to see a band in the basement of
\nthe restaurant opposite who turned out to be John Ethridge (Jazz & Rock
\nplayer thats done just about everything) & Deardry Cartwright (she did
\nRock School for the BBC a few years back) and a rather good drummer and a
\nwomen on bass that looked very familiar too.<\/p>\n

They did a couple of jazz standards, “Love for sale” and “Insensitive”,
\nbut we could only stay for about 20 minutes as we had to go back over the
\nroad to play our second set, though we were somewhat reluctant to leave.Our
\nBass played Robby has played with John Etheridge deep in the mists of time.It
\nwas great and I think it gave us a bit of a lift when we got back on to play.<\/p>\n

Peeing down when I went to load
\nup the car to go home, and the doorman from a nearbye club started chating
\nme up. I think he must have left his contact lenses at home! But quite amusing,
\nstill don’t really know how to handle that sort of thing though.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

186Very tired still and having
\nthe usual problem<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 19th May 2006 at 12:26 pm – Comments (1)<\/p>\n

Not doing particulary well this week, just very tired and irritable all the
\ntime.<\/p>\n

I am feeling depressed in the usual sense and I am finding everything a strain.
\nIt really shows that depression is not anything too do with wants or desires
\nas in some senses I have got everything I really need, and theres nothing
\nthat I crave that would make me happy except may be one thing?<\/p>\n

I still don’t have the confidence I need, I have a lot more than I used to
\nbut just not enough to get it really right.<\/p>\n

The whole band thing is just getting
\nvery tiring now. I enjoy playing but fitting in in with the day job is totaly
\nsapping my energy at the moment.<\/p>\n

We have played 65 gigs this year so far, which is a decidedly non-trival amount
\nso I think I have a little bit of an excuse to nackered.<\/p>\n

I was watching the last video we had done of our brighton gig last week and
\nits very good, the playing is good and the sound quality on the video is excellent
\ntoo. Still can’t really manage to keep smileing though, but as I am not centre
\nstage maybe thats not too much of a problem.<\/p>\n

Interesting watching your performance after the event because your perception
\nof how well it went and how you were playing is related very much to mood
\nand I did not think it sounded that good at the time but watching the video
\nI was pleasantly suprised to find the performance was quite good..<\/p>\n

My wig is getting nackered too,
\nso I must do something about that urgently too, I have seen a couple of styles
\nI like so I just need to spend that money I guess !<\/p>\n

Doing a Bordello gig tonight and
\nNick our Sax players band ‘Balalouda’ is doing a set at 10:30 which I am looking
\nforward too, as its latin music which I really like though I don’t know too
\nmuch about, they will be rushing in hot foot from doing a set at another venue
\ntoo so lets hope that they can pull it off OK.<\/p>\n

I am currently working from home
\ndoing so I am typing with bothe hands one on Roses and the other on a word
\ndocument<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

185 Joogleberrys again<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 14th May 2006 at 11:04 am<\/p>\n

Down to Brighton to play the Joogleberry Playhouse, not a bad evening though
\nnot as full the last gig we had there.A very good audience though.Home at
\n03:40 and totaly shattered.<\/p>\n

Jessica Green came along so had a brief chat in the interval about music and<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sun is shineing and the
\nwheels are just about still on the Bus<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 12th May 2006 at 09:50 am<\/p>\n

Just starting to do some catch up work for my audit, which is going to involve
\ncreating some documentation for the caseworking systems I have built for work.With
\nluck once I have documented these they will fire me then I might actually
\nget on with the rest of my life So here I am wasting a couple of minutes with
\nthe journal again.Its more comfortable working at home but its difficult to
\nmotivate myself. Still time to plunge in.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

83Another Friday and Sturday night
\ndown the pub then<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 7th May 2006 at 12:20
\npm<\/p>\n

Gig on Friday at “The Old Diary”, not bad quite a few happy punters
\nbut a slightly low key vibe.Ms Vickys amp deceided to thow a wobbly but other
\nwise OK.Then Saturday back at “Hornsey Tavern”, again not a bad
\nnight though somewhat low key too.Perhaps not helped by it being a wet night.Also
\nmanaged to catch the whole of Dr Who before I went out, I really like the
\nnew episodes, great stuff.Usually I miss then as I am on my way to a gig.
\nNot as packed at the Hornsey as last time we were there though. We had a deping
\nSax player called Antonio who plays with Jimmy C’s band , and he seemed to
\nenjoy it a lot and was quite complementary which is always nice.Every one
\nthat plays with the band seems to pick up on the family feel it has. He also
\nplays violin and was quite intrigued as to how I got my Electric Violin sound.I
\nwas tempted to say in my case brute force and ignorance !<\/p>\n

I have acctually felt very mellow this weekend for a change, not sure why
\nmaybe its the coming of spring thats given me just a little lift laterly.
\nI feel a strong erge to get a few new outfits sorted out as figureing out
\na suitable sartorial combination is getting a bit difficult theses days whilst
\ntrying to ring the changes sufficiantly too.<\/p>\n

Should be a fun week coming up too as we have got the auditors in on Wednesday,
\nand its not the most fun part of my job on the whole.Whoopee.<\/p>\n

Need to get a couple of subsitute wigs too, as the main one I have is looking
\ngood but not fairing quite as well as I had hoped, so must get that done fairly
\nsoon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

182 Strange evening in the pub<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: Yesterday at 02:50
\npm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Went to the Lion Lounge last night
\nto Watch Delta Tom play, a very slow night and not many people in. A youngish
\ngirl who said she was 18, (makes you wonder for a start) deceided that as
\nthe lone lone tranny in the pub she would get to know me, she said “Your
\nvery shy”, which I think is a true statement.She then said we should
\ngo on on shopping trips, do the sites I should come for a meal,and just about
\nevery possible activity that you could mention.This was quite flattering to
\nstart with and I tried in my slight more than half asleep way to pay attention.She
\nthen told me everyone hated her, which I thought I was a bit extreme,and then
\ntold me I should’nt be affraid to “live my life” so I gently explained
\nthat on the whole I was and enjoying it my fashion but she seemd to have got
\nit in to her head that I was a repressed minority.I explaned that it was my
\nnight off from the band, but that I did have a fair few things going on, which
\nincluded the odd few gigs to play so I was not exactly closeted.I susgested
\nat this point that perhaps she should coem and see the band, though I doubt
\nif it would have been her thing, as she asked me if I was in to Kylie.At which
\nI point I laughed as its one of the statements that could be taken many ways
\nas I am sure could its subject :evilsmile<\/p>\n

Most of Elephant Shelf apart from our Leader Ms Vicky were in the pub on an
\noff duty night chilling out. I moved to a different seat and she followed,
\nshe wanted to swap phone numbers and email address and so forth but by this
\npoint I was getting a little worried as her behaviour was getting louder and
\nmore excitable.She told Terry our drummer that his socks were horrible and
\nhis shoes I think, which is an opinion rather than a fact, he grinned and
\nsmiled back. She then deceided that “Delta Tom” was not really what
\nshe wanted to hear and started moaning about the music. She then repeated
\nfor about the 20th time “Live your life”, to which I feeably responded
\n“Yes I am actually” which almost sounds Berty Woosterish. She was
\ninsisting that I must leave with her I declined 3 times and she went off in
\na bit of a huff.<\/p>\n

I was quite freaked out and said to Jim our roady I think I have got my first
\nstalker.<\/p>\n

I could not tell from her behaviour if she just was lonely, Drunk, high on
\nsomething or all of these, but it really disturbed me for some reason that
\nI can’t put my finger on.Maybe she is some one that is vunerable or at risk.
\nEven worse going to work this morning I saw her double just around the corner
\nfrom my office..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

181 Back to the grindstone then<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 3rd May 2006 at 10:40
\npm – Comments (0)<\/p>\n

Went to the office:unfortunately it was still there, loads of people off sick,
\nwith all sorts of horrors.Not too busy a day as in not too many interuptions
\nfor a change so I was actually able to get on with something.Suspect that
\ntommorow wil not go quite so smoothly. Also need to go to the post office
\ntoday and the queue took 22 minutes to get to the window.Ouch.Discussed how
\nthe band was doing with work collegues and realised I was talking my self
\nin to a corner as I try not too disclose to much about it for fear of having
\nto explain the whole deal.I figure if anyone really wants to find out they
\nonly have to do a WHOIS search on the internet and follow a few links between
\nwebsites.Told interested party I would bring them a Cd: track listing but
\nno band name or cover.. Explained that if ever really breaks big then it might
\nmake the day job a bit awkward as I am fairly invisible in teh work environment
\nbeing the geeky\/nerdy one, that occasional launchs forth from my office muttering
\nstrange and incomprehensible oaths.I have told people in the work environment
\nbut all bar one have now left.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

180 Haven a good time in Whetstone<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 2nd May 2006 at 01:04
\npm – Comments (0)<\/p>\n

Smashing gig at a restaurant called the Haven last night.A special mayday
\nparty night.Sold out.Actually I really like the sound of that so I will say
\nit again.Sold Out.Oh that feels good.Steady on now old thing don’t get too
\nexcited….<\/p>\n

120 happy punters and really nice food too, could do with a few more like
\nthat I must admit.<\/p>\n

Slight panic on the sound check when a horrendous hum arose from the depths
\nof roadie hell, but after some tradition Elephant Shelf curses and hair pulling
\nand a head scratching dance and sending Jim the Roadie on a wild goose chase
\nit was banished.<\/p>\n

Every one on good form too and the restauranter Julius over the moon with
\nour performance too.<\/p>\n

Home at about 02:00.<\/p>\n

A chill out day today then back
\nto the day job tommorow, who knows what horrors lurk in that darkness that
\nis our liitle outpost of the Civil Service, crap and more crap one suspects…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

179 Sunday night at The Abbey<\/p>\n

Date Posted: 1st May 2006 at 11:58 am – Comments (0)<\/p>\n

It was alright, much better fun that I expected, Vicky seems to have recovered
\nfrom that bruised foot and even spoke the chap that did the stage dive who
\nwas in attendance last night and is actually a big fan of ours.Denied to Vickythat
\nhe was actually a hit man hired by me in a badly judged take over bid ! Must
\nhire a professional next time, costs more but I think you get results. :evilsmile
\nMuch fun and a good evening on the whole.Actually managed to sell a couple
\nof cds too,admitedly to my fan club members though so I suspect this dos’nt
\nreally count :classic: A couple of girls were very dissapointed that desperate
\nDan Foster (Kiwi Blues Harp Player) was not in attendeance as it was the Trio
\nthat night, but they are going to see the whole band on there home turf at
\nthe “The Old Diary” next week. Figuring out what to wear when you
\nhave a run of gigs is quite difficult too.SO was slightly disparaging about
\nmy first choice of outfits and too be fair it did’nt work so did a quick change
\nto soemthing that hopefully did.Ralphy in attendence with that Video camera
\nagain too, he has filmed 27 gigs, so there is a bit of editing work to be
\ndone I feel. Pie was as ever stunning:gorgeous: still at least it stops the
\naudience looking at us…..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

178 Hello Journal nice to have
\nyou back<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Date Posted: 30th April 2006 at
\n12:24 pm – Comments (0)<\/p>\n

Heres a brief catch-up: Lots of gigs all fairly good responses from the crowd
\nand I have also now got one of my songs “Just another someone” in
\nto the Shelfs repertoire and its great fun to play and quite good fun to be
\ncentre stage for a while. There are some potentaily very good gigs in the
\npipe line too. I am now looking at getting some material pressed for release
\nand maybe attempting to sell it at gig’s via Jim our roady who walks the floor
\nwith his quaint London cry of “Only a fiver” or something similar.We
\nhave even been doing the odd sortie in to Notting Hill which seems to have
\nbeen favorably received too. I did a spot with the Trio at yesterday at Ten
\nWest which is sort of like a retro feel 60’s bar, a sort of combination of
\nAustin Powers set, Night Club, (except it’s a bar) and lots of red everywhere.Chatted
\nto very nice lady violinist who I have seen before that will play with us
\nat some point when we are in the bad lands out west again, she enjoyed our
\nset and was quite complementary about my playing.Blush Blush. Also in attendance
\nwas Michelle O’Brian of course, with out whom no event is complete, and the
\nsun was shineing too.Then on in the evening to play Maddens in Finchley, a
\nvery good crowd though slighty over enthusiastic.One very drunk individual
\nfell over the monitor and and Vicky ended up with a bruised foot.That aside
\nit was a fairly good gig. Darcy was in attendance with the SO and friends
\nso said hello briefly. Home to bed at 04:00 AM<\/p>\n

Off to do another Trio thing at the Abbey in Kentish Town tonight.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Down at the crossroads 10th February
\n2006 – 09:59 AM<\/p>\n

A lot has happening in the last
\nyear or so which has lead me seriously think about what I want to do with
\nmy remaining ones.When my farther died a few years ago at the age of 63 having
\nretired early, it turned out he had cancer(Lung Prostate and other places)
\nwhich he was not aware of, he got a slight back ache and within 6 weeks of
\nleaving work he was dead.<\/p>\n

Theres a lot of hot air being spouted
\nin relation to my life at the moment and I would really like to say that I
\nam as enthused as everyone else around me with the band, but I have some serious
\nmisgivings in relation to how much of a career it could be for me in the long
\nterm. I am not some on to make decesisions in too much of a hurry( insert
\ncorrect spelling because I can never get that word spelt right) but if the
\nband takes off then what ?<\/p>\n

I am 49 and maybe the band might
\nhave a couple of good years, but the prospect of having to try and find a
\njob in my mid 50’s is not an appealing one. I also have a large body of recorded
\nworks and compositions which I do not wish to consign to the dustbin of fate.I
\nthink of myself as composer\/musician and what I need to do is continue to
\nwrite, I need to express myself that way.I have a lot to say. Maybe it’s Time
\nto go back to the drawing board.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #167]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In recovery ish 9th February 2006
\n– 02:05 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A bit rubbish but manageing<\/p>\n

Rather tired today, spent the morning re-mastering a cd of stuff I released
\nin 1997, it was on sale on the web, but only did about 200 or so copys, and
\nmost of may availble on down load in other places I think.The album was put
\ntogther just before my first proper mental breakdown, which happened in late
\n98 I think. Lyrically its quite interesting I think listening to it again.So
\nI will put it Sounclick and see if it gets any reaction there. One of the
\ncompanys that sold it has disappeared in to the web vortex never to be seen
\nagain, so I though I would check it out again. Interesting to hear what I
\nwas writing in the 90’s and it stands up quite well I think.I just got an
\nenquiry about recently to soo I have made a few copys.I might risk giving
\na copy to a couple of the folks in the band just to see what they think. I
\ncan’t find the artwork though, as I think it’s been lost in the mists of time.Interestingly
\nit was also the last thing I recorded on analogue tape until the Elephant
\nshelf sessions we have just done in the last 2 days.<\/p>\n

I think I am going to put it on sale as a digital download though, and see
\nhow it works.<\/p>\n

Not very quiet at the flat as they have the builders in next door doing central
\nheating works so loads of banging and sawing and so on. Still they should
\nbe knocking off soon I suspect.Or not !<\/p>\n

Got a gig tonight but only 1 hour at The Lion Lounge, on at 10:45, then tommorow
\nFriday at the Victoria in Highgate at 08:30 which is one of my favorites as
\na more intimate gig, then Saturday we are at the Salisbury which is a very
\nbig pub in Green Lanes(also has a good selection of food too, starting at
\n10:00, and we will be getting Ralphy to video that for us as its a very good
\nvenue visually, so should be fun.<\/p>\n

No phone calls from work which could be very good or very bad depending on
\nhow you look at it.<\/p>\n

Remember patience is a virtue but its also a name.<\/p>\n

[Entry #166]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Day 2 in the studio 8th February
\n2006 – 11:03 PM<\/p>\n

Went very well, we have managed to get 5 tunes recorded, which is pretty good
\ngoing really. So all in all a very good experience. By the end of the second
\nday it is very difficult to tell what you are hearing as the ears get tired.Went
\nin to a very nice pub called the Mucky Pup to eat, very Islingtonish I suppose
\nbut rather nice.<\/p>\n

[Entry #165]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

First day in’t Studio 8th February
\n2006 – 12:00 PM<\/p>\n

Well, a very positive day once we got going, managed to put down 4 numbers,
\nmay be able to do another one today if lucky.<\/p>\n

I think Vicky and I may have been their first Trannys in that studio thoughs
\nit very near to Camden so perhaps not. Its quite a job recording an 8 peice
\nband though but Kelly, who is runing the sessions got some very good results,
\nthough we will not here any finsihed mix’es for a while.<\/p>\n

Basically the band is playing live in the studio, and there will only be a
\ncouple of overdubs from our sax player, the idea to catch the energy of the
\nshelf in full flo.Its dificult though with out the audience being there and
\nthe extra adrenaline that kicks off. But one track was a perfect first take,
\nwhich was amazing. Can’t get over the way the band is playing now, we have
\nreally come along way, though there is always a long way to go.<\/p>\n

We are recording on 24 track analog tape, then transfering to pro-tools on
\na Mac, so hopefully we will get that warm sound.The shelf have a lot of numbers
\nthat run for about 7 min’s, and the multi track tapes run for 15, so theres
\nbeen a lot of transfering. Kelly is pleased with the session so far, which
\nis great,and is very sympathetic to the music.Kelly also getting the sort
\nof warm vocal sound that has previously elluded me when I have recorded our
\nsinger Jessie Pie, so I must ask him what the secret is.<\/p>\n

[Entry #164]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Exotic promise 7th February 2006
\n– 12:44 AM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well the rumour mill is flying around very fast now, and maybe there is a
\nchange in the air.At the moment anything seems possible, but maybe, just maybe
\nits the perfumed scent of pigs in formation defying gravity again.<\/p>\n

A Great weekend and it ended on quite a positive note, but there was a bit
\nof domestic friction.Which continued unhelpfully as I was trying to go to
\nwork.I managed to get through the day with out any road blocks, but I am finding
\nthe day job boring, the irony is that I have got a strangle hold on it in
\nsome senses,which has been the result of under-investment which means that
\nif I leave or my collegue or both us leave together, and there have been a
\nfew times when I have just though enough is enough.<\/p>\n

maybe I am just beginiing to feel a little old, hope is springing eternal
\nall around but I would’nt know a good thing if I fell over it at the moment.<\/p>\n

It feels as if there is a bannana skin around every corner, and just maybe
\nthere is.<\/p>\n

Tommorow God willing the Shelf will be going into studio’s in Islington to
\nstart recording tracks, so I am touching lots of wood. I need to get myself
\nin to a positive state of mind for it really, still it will be fun letting
\nsome one else work the faders for a change. I wonder if they have got a canteen
\n?<\/p>\n

Veggie food, well theres loads in in that area so should be alright. A bit
\nworried that the sessions are so long 10 hours on day one and 8 the next.<\/p>\n

As we are a band that plays everything live, it seems a bit much, could be
\na lot of sitting around I suspect too.Actually thats OK they can wake me up
\nwhen something is happening I supose. Maybe I can wander in dreams.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Work what is it good for ? 1st
\nFebruary 2006 – 09:05 AM<\/p>\n

I am just so bored with the day
\njob right now.Well perhaps bored is the wrong word, but at the moment there
\nseems to be a constant round of change for changes sake, so everything is
\nconstantly behind.<\/p>\n

Add to that the usual inabilty of senior managers to realise that it is not
\nalways possible to get results in the kind of time scales that they are suggesting
\nwhich are often quite laughable as they have no idea of the complexity of
\nthe logic required when you are writing the code and the fact that there are
\nonly two of us in the team.Its just getting very silly really.<\/p>\n

I am not going to worry about it, but if I get really pissed off I will vote
\nwith my feet I think. In the last year I don’t think I have had a complete
\nweek off, except on one occasion when I was still getting calls from work.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Can’t think of one 30th January
\n2006 – 12:44 AM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Played a cracking gig at Maddens
\nEast Finchley On Saturday night.Very busy in the pub and one of the punters
\ngot the band Champers too. A late finish too at about 01:50, but I hardly
\nnoticed we had been playing that long.<\/p>\n

Lots of happy punters including one who came and asked a few questions and
\nI mentioned that I had a day job and was a civil servant, which amused him
\ngreatly I think.Quite a few folks came some distance to the venue too.<\/p>\n

It looks like this could be one of a our regular venues too.<\/p>\n

An evening like that gets you on quite a high though.<\/p>\n

Another boring Journal entry 27th
\nJanuary 2006 – 08:39 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Out last night at the Lion Lounge
\ndoing a Shelf gig.The Lion lounge is a replacement for the mighty Queens Head
\nin Crouch end which was an Elephant Shelf regular venue and also where Gloria
\nmade her TG live on stage debut.The Queens has been turned in to a gastro
\npub, and the regulars have been missing there fix of live music, but the Lion
\nis now being promote as the new venue by Shelf Life Productions, (I am sure
\nyou can figure out who that is) and will feature a lot of the bands that use
\nto play at the Queens.<\/p>\n

We will be there about once a month if it takes off.<\/p>\n

Its a nice venue comfortable and although it has not got a stage like the
\nQueens, its comfortable and is now TG friendly by the royal assent of Queen
\nVictoria and Princess Di Booths around the side, pool table, it also serves
\nfood which looks quite good though I can never eat at a gig, some of the band
\nwere eating there, and came back on stage having consumed some thing nice.<\/p>\n

Slight mishap as I forgot to change the battery in my electric violin and
\nit went silent half way through a number.Whoops<\/p>\n

So in bed by 02:00 and back in the office at 10:00 today.<\/p>\n

[Entry #159]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Busy or what 24th January 2006
\n– 12:20 AM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well out at the Bordello Club on
\nFriday, went quite well a few familiar faces there too, back at the Worlds
\nEnd on Saturday to a very good reception too, and then a trio gig at Blush
\nin Stoke Newington to finish.<\/p>\n

So a bit shattered by the end of the weekend. I do wonder what the Lesbian
\ncrowd make of us, they certainly are quite demonstrative, and a very good
\naudience, and some very attractive women there<\/p>\n

I am thinking about how practicle
\nit would be to work part-time, as the band is progessing with leaps and bounds,
\nand it might not be a bad way to a make a living. I am by nature quite cautious
\nand I need a reasonable safety net, but I could perhaps fill in with a bit
\nof IT freelancing maybe.<\/p>\n

Ok the though of not having to get up to early on winter mornings is also
\nquite appealing. I am still not too sure of my own abilltys though, and another
\nthing that is quite appealing would be just to spend time improving my musical
\nknowledge. I am not too good at sight reading music, but I do have a fairly
\ngood ear and can often busk most things, but it would be nice to have the
\ntime to improve at it. I am mildly dyslexic, and I suspect this is connected
\nwith my difficulty with sight reading.Its something I am working on though.<\/p>\n

When the music stops 17th January
\n2006 – 12:59 AM<\/p>\n

A Pleasant weekend, An excellent gig with the “Shelf” at “After
\noffice hours” in Barnet on Saturday night with a very enthusiastic crowd
\nindeed, and also a very young young crowd,mostly mid 20’s and all loveing
\nit.Very late finish though so not in bed till 03:00, and very sore fingers.
\nMy nails are going a bit flakey apart from my brain. The piano bashing is
\na killer on the thumb and little fingers.And my back was grumbling a bit too.The
\ngig did get very loud though, I think in part due to the accoustic’s of the
\nplace, so we shall have to watch that.<\/p>\n

Then on Sunday night out with the
\n“Jesse pies cleavage of death”, at Maddens in Finchly doing the
\ncaberet style show.Jesse was on top form, and there was a good crowd too.
\nMiss Michelle O’Brian was also in attendance on both occasions snapping away
\nlike the blazes, so hopeful some good pictures will come out of that.She was
\nalso most complementary about my new hair do. The odd thing about this performing
\ngame is the day job really can be a grind and the 2 halfs of my existance
\nare getting to be so far divorced from each other that it reallys is like
\nliving two entirley seperate lives.<\/p>\n

After a really good night its quite
\nhard to come down, but the buzz gets you through the monday morning blues.
\nNot too bad a day in the real office either I have have to say, as one particular
\nissue I had been worrying about seems to be turning out nicely as they say.<\/p>\n

But once the music stops then though I am fighting it the darkness starts
\nto creep up on me, especially at this time of year.I am still looking for
\nan answer, but I don’t know the right question to ask yet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #157]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The pub tranny report 13th January
\n2006 – 11:30 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well we are finally in to the new
\nyear, my new wig seems to have been quite well accepted, and I was quite pleased
\nto see it did not look to bad in a photo of me playing the violin, as the
\nhair moves quite well, and even allows me to show my ears, so maybe I should
\nget them pearced ? Doubt if I will get around to it though.I was thinking
\nof getting laser treatment too this year, maybe I should have its getting
\nto be more and more of a hassle to shave, and I would love to use less foundation.I
\nwill have to save a few more pennies for that though, maybe this is the year
\nto do it.I often have to get ready to go out in quite a rush after I come
\nhome from work, particularly if I am out with the band, it can be rather frantic,
\nhaving to jump in the car, get to where ever it is, and get the gear set up.Its
\ngreat fun but it require’s a fair amount of effort.<\/p>\n

One thing that I do notice is that
\nthere seems to be a rather antagonistic air on the forum, and that seems to
\nhave worsened recently.I do visit Rose’s a lot, but don’t post much because
\noften it seems that others have already said what I would have posted anyway.<\/p>\n

[Entry #156]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

First gig of 2006 10th January
\n2006 – 12:14 AM<\/p>\n

Not to bad a weekend. First gig of 2006 last Saturday, and very well received
\ntoo.A very good crowd by the end of the evening and the band was on good form
\ntoo. Nice to see\u00a0Broxie<\/a>
\n& Jenifer & daughter too.Broxie<\/a>
\nhaving quite a good dance at the end. They had a meal at the Victoria as it
\nhas quite good food.Its been a really good venue for us so far. Just for a
\nchange I after the gig I was not totally exausted as the Christmas break has
\ndone me some good and I am functioning a little better. On Saturday a bit
\nof a recording session, with variable results. Then Home and collapse in a
\nheap…<\/p>\n

Interesting watching the debate on the pros and cons of TX I have been about
\n4 times to TX and its been Ok, though the clubing scene is just not me.<\/p>\n

Its nice to talk to people, but I am rubbish at small talk. I would rather
\ngo out with a few friends to a restaurant or perhaps to see a band somewhere.<\/p>\n

Actually thinking about it that is exactly what I do, though most of my socialising
\nis done with the band now.I would drop in at TX, as it would be nice to spot
\na few faces that I might recognise from the forum if we had not got a gig
\nbut I can’t remember the last Saturday when we did’nt have one, it must be
\nmonths back.<\/p>\n

[Entry #155]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Back to the Farm [0 comments] 3rd
\nJanuary 2006 – 10:56 PM<\/p>\n

Its still very quiet in the office, and the full onslaught has not hit yet.<\/p>\n

My side kick has got flu so its likely I shall be on my own for a little longer
\nyet. Plenty to do, but very little urge to actually do it.<\/p>\n

Waded through usual pile of emails, most of which were not that important,
\nbut you still have to read them just in case.<\/p>\n

In a quiet moment logged on to Rose’s for light relief only instead to hear
\nof April Angels very sad loss.Your whole life can just turn upsidedown in
\na moment and yo never know what you have got untill its gone I suppose.So
\nfelt very subdued by the time I left work tonight.<\/p>\n

Mixed down a new instrumental tune I am working on, that has turned out a
\nlittle better than I expected.Then added a bit of video of me at a Shelf rehersal
\nto the website. I am going to have a beer and think about going to bed…<\/p>\n

[Entry #153]<\/p>\n

New years eve at the Turkish 1st
\nJanuary 2006 – 02:54 PM<\/p>\n

Went for a NYE meal at the Meze bar in Southgate, with Vicky M and friends.7
\nof us in all and a very pleasant way to usher in the New Year. There was a
\nBelly Dancer who did quite a good turn, Vicky suggested that we might get
\nJessie pie to do a bit of that as she has a suitable song “Vicious Venus”
\nwhich is kind of ethnic and minor key modal, sort of up Shakira street but
\nmuch more so, can’t wait to see that one if Ms V can get her to do it. Also
\nso present was Ronnie from the “Lucky Exchange” shop in southgate.She
\nhas some great designer stuff some of which has managed to come my way.At
\nthe moment a her shop is a well keep secret but once the word is out,so all
\nyou trannys don’t you dare go there or you just might have to buy up the entire
\ncontents of the shop.Ms Vicky has got a lot of very good schmutter there.
\nMuch muzeing over what has been a very eventfull year and the 2006 is likely
\nto be quite a ride too I suspect. I was sporting a recently aquired new syrup
\nwhich was favorably received I think.Got from a wig place in Blackpool that
\nwas recomended by some one on Roses, got the order though in about 4 days
\ngreat service, so I think I will stick a link on the website when I remember
\nwhere I got it from. Mireille who has been videoing the Shelf in locations
\nvarious was also there, though sans video camera on this occasion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #152]<\/p>\n

Angel eyes blues 30th December
\n2005 – 02:46 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Went along to do a spot at the Angel with Vicky & Jesse AKA “The
\ncleavage of death”, expected that it would be quite empty but no it was
\nheaving with people, a couple really good acts mostly comic’s, including one
\nreally funny girl who did a skit on the whole female rapper thing and also
\nsending up the whole get on telly and get slaughtered by Simon Cowell because
\nyou want to be a Star, with the accent on sarf London. Good fun and not too
\nhard work as we only have to play a few minutes, did the opening spot and
\nthen 4 numbers at the end to a very warm reception.<\/p>\n

The comedian hosting the show was not that funny and more than a little up
\nthemselves though they are known on the scene.Seems to be a bit of a thing
\nwith stand-up, maybe you have to be a little self important to do it ? Interestly
\nthere seems to be a divide in the sense that the women kind of invite you
\nshare their worldview and you enter in to a conspiracy with them against the
\nabsurdity life in general.<\/p>\n

[Entry #152]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Going to work today ] 29th December
\n2005 – 07:43 AM<\/p>\n

Can’t be bothered<\/p>\n

Back to work today, its too cold, but the good thing is they have started
\nwork on repairing Battersea Bridge now so with luck in a few weeks the traffic
\nshould have got back to normal and my journey home will have got a little
\nbit quicker, Hurrah ! Out tonight at the Angel in Highgate assuming that the
\nroads are OK. I know there are some people that do mornings like farmers and
\nmilkpersons and the like but it so not me.<\/p>\n

[Entry #151]<\/p>\n

\n

Christmas looms 24th December
\n2005 – 12:38 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well its nearly the 25th, I am
\nnot a big fan of Crimbo but I know other folks enjoy it. Out tonight at
\nthe “Worlds End” struting the funky stuff with the Shelf and its
\na party night(actually every night with the shelf is a party night) but
\ndon’t tell anyone or we will have loads of trannys turning up….<\/p>\n

Yes its Pimps and Tarts night, so there will be many aspiring Bell d’jours
\nin attendance no doubt. I shall my regulation Red outfit tonight on tonight,
\nwhich is actaully getting a bit loose on me now, as I have lost a bit of
\nweight<\/p>\n

as you do burn it off playing, its quite a work out pumping the piano on
\nthe rockier tunes.Aprt from lifting the thing and lugging it about generally
\nsince my new keyboard is bit heavier than my old one, but I do have a trolly
\nso its not too bad, but think of me when you are all in bed as I wheel my
\npiano home through the streets broad and narrow in Battersea whilst the
\nwind blows through from the river in concrete canons between those 60’s
\ntower blocks.<\/p>\n

I am actually feeling a little
\nbetter today as I had a very long lie in yesterday and am getting a little
\nbit of energy back, so I should be able to limp through the show tonight,
\nit really took it out of me on thursday nights gig I must admit, so after
\ntonight I get a whole 4 days off before the next one, which also conincides
\nwith being back in the office as I have a meeting, yes typical really still
\nthe congestion charge is suspended so I might drive to work on that day,
\nwish they would suspend the meters as well that would help.Most annoyingly
\nof all a lot of the sandwichs bars are shut to which is not terribly helpfull
\nthough I suspect I can get something somewhere.<\/p>\n

Merry Christmas to you all and
\nsuitable Alternate Festive Salutations,(just insert your own particular
\nand appropriate wording.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sudden nose dive 21st December
\n2005 – 12:14 AM<\/p>\n

Very wintery<\/p>\n

Today started OK but I the end of I felt really awful, the joy of constant
\nmood swings, really want to stay in bed for a week now and not talk to anyone….<\/p>\n

[Entry #148]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Making Movies & Turkish Food
\n20th December 2005 – 12:31 AM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well the pub gig at the Weavers was good musically we were on very good
\nform, and there was an appreaciative crowd too.<\/p>\n

Not my most favorite venue to play but OK. Next day over at Vickys to do
\nsome video for a promotional DVD.The band and the Trio are being videoed
\nby Ralph, and he has a been a fly on the wall at a few gigs and rehersals
\ntoo and its very interesting to see ourselves as others see us. Gosh we
\nare a scary lot at times.So about 5 hours on and off with Ralph taking shots
\nfrom every possible angle and useing his undoubted skills to very good effect
\non the trio, and hopefully making us look a lot like “what we ain’t”.
\nI was dreading the session but it was not as tireing as I thought it would
\nbe and I hope I was not looking too poe-faced.I realise that I am not one
\nof natures smillers but default and I can look rather serious.Well I suppose
\nwhat you see is what you get.I have seen rather too much of myself on camera
\nrecently<\/p>\n

and its quite easy to get sick the sight of you ugly mug staring back at
\nyou ! The band these days is rather more show biz than when I first joined
\nor got conscripted I am not sure which, I suspose it is hardly a suprise
\nwith the very theatricle Ms Pie in the front line, and Vicky is not the
\ntype to hide her light either, so I guess I have got to get with the programme
\na bit, but I think I will continue to play the “coy” one as not
\nso far from the truth.<\/p>\n

After the Video session round to the Meze Bar, Vickys local turkish restaurant
\nwhere there was a lotr of chat about concerts past in the 60’s which I was
\njust slightly too young to have been at… and one of the waiters knew Vicky
\nfrom a few years back and a discusion on the best and cheapist places to
\nbuy Eff’s (A light Turkish larger) beer was had.<\/p>\n

Back to work today and feeling a little bit mellowed out for a change which
\nis nice.Maybe its the Christmas effect kicking in, lets hope so.<\/p>\n

[Entry #147]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bordello club time again 17th
\nDecember 2005 – 03:19 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Last night was the third Bordello club and it was heaving with people, have
\nto say it was a great fun night, and we had some really good acts on too.”The
\nBig Fibbers” were especially good, loved there song “My Girls
\nan alian” which I think includeds the line “No not an Australian”
\nreally funny anyway. I think we will be seeing them again in the not too
\ndistant future.Also Jimmy Ross our new roadys stand-up commedy debute.And
\na rather good blues singer & delta style guitar player called Delta
\nTom from Cambridge was excellent to name but a few also said hello to I
\nthink Helen, who has been along before and seems to have enjoyed it.Must
\nbe a glutton for punishment I think.<\/p>\n

Got up very late and did some
\nupdates on my music website as I have found just a few broken links.How
\ndo people manage to keep websites up to date, its like painting the Forth
\nBridge I think.Another gig at the “Weavers Arms” tonight in Frien
\nBarnett, its a liitle bit cosy for getting the band in but should be fun
\nI hope. Ok just what is a “Frien” any one know ?<\/p>\n

[Entry #146]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Serious question 16th December
\n2005 – 10:57 AM<\/p>\n

Thoughtfull<\/p>\n

When do you know if you are happy ? yes I know that sounds like a strange
\nthing to ask but I am coming towards the end of what for me has a been a
\nvery eventful year both in my work and my private life. Its left me in a
\nvery different postition with many options that I would never have considered
\nbefore.A lot of my inner demons have been exposed to the light and some
\nof them have been bannished though perhaps not for ever.<\/p>\n

I am materially comfortable now, which you would expect to make me feel
\nless anxious, but curiously it has the reverse effect.Perhaps the more you
\nhave to worry about the more focussed you become. My biggest fear is letting
\npeople down in particular with regard to state of my mental health. I have
\nbeen functional most of the time and am getting by without medication though
\nthere are some effects from not taking it but at present these are less
\nthan the benifit of not being in a slightly smilely haze(Yes I know all
\nyou clubbers pay good money for that sort of thing but for me it was almost
\ncompulsory ).<\/p>\n

So do I feel happer then ? Yes
\nI think I do on the whole…Still think Christmas sucks though. Barr Humbug
\nto you all<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #145]]<\/p>\n

100 gig party and Washing
\nMachine Blues 13th December 2005 – 01:19 PM<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Up & Down &
\nRoundabout<\/p>\n

It was Elephant Shelfs 100 gig’s celebration on Saturday and a very good
\nturn out too.Loads of fab people there, in fact it was really very ful by
\nthe end of the evening.A few old band members turned up including previous
\ndrummer Paul Jackson who sang with us and Sax player Dr Death of red saxaphone
\nfame. We had a huge Birthday Cake too, and possibly at one point about 10
\npeople on stage. Laura Handbag took some great pictures and joined us for
\none number,it should have been more but time was against us. It was also
\nJR’s 50 Birthday celebration and a fun night.I wore a gold frock thats been
\nlangushing in the wardrobe for a few months for the first time and it looks
\njolly good in the photos though it needs taking in a bit, and too much vigor
\nin the keyboard playing dept was causing the straps to fall down, so I did
\nhave to ajust mid song a couple of times…<\/p>\n

Jesse was on top form again too.Handbag looked very good as ever, though
\nther ewas aslight moment of panic at the end of the evening when she could
\nnot remember where her Stella McCartney coat was No I did’nt nick it honest.
\nThe Victora is a smashing pub too.<\/p>\n

On Sunday we rehearsed
\nsome new songs, one of Jesses and one of mine.<\/p>\n

Its been a long time since i’ve sung live, but I think my voice just about
\ngot there..<\/p>\n

I am waiting for a new
\nwashing machine to be delivered at the moment, just had a bit of a fight
\ngetting the old one out, with a little bit of water spilling trauma. Its
\nsort of under control now, just hope the other one turns up OK.<\/p>\n

Watching the sky out of my lounge window. seems to be a typical normal winter
\nsky without anything visible in the way of polution yet though I expect
\nthere will be some grot arriving here eventually, of course in central london
\nwhere the sooty smut is still in evidence we may not notice that much anyway.<\/p>\n

The Shelf has been videoed
\na few times by Ralph, and we are hopping to get some new clips on the web,
\ntheres a lot of material to go through though, but there are some very nice
\nshots, so I need to start looking at those properly to see whats there.I
\nwill grab some stills in the short term.<\/p>\n

I have still got a sort
\nof a cold, its lasted about a week and a half and I seem to have done something
\nto my back too.Not sure what as I don’t recall lifting anything heavy, maybe
\nits a chill.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #144] (Wow, a gross of entrys
\n!)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Is Tazmania what happens to Bi-Polar New Zealanders ?<\/p>\n

9th December 2005 – 11:00 PM<\/p>\n

Alively week and too many late nights a good gig last sunday at Blush, with
\nVicky in the spot light.Nice crowd and a very energetic set. On tuesday met
\nup with my old friend Joy at the Lodge, and also said hello to a couple of
\nfolks that recognised me from Lauras birthday party.They said they might be
\nalong to another gig in the not too distant future. A long chat with Joy about
\nlife in general and where we are now. I have been through a mighty lot of
\nchanges in the past year, its been a real learning experence for in every
\npart of my life, and I have grown in confidence in many ways. I am happier
\nthan I was on the whole but I am still feeling the effects of my slightly
\ndamaged mental health. My mood swings very rapidly and I have rather more
\nenrgy than I have had for a few years.I have a lot of ideas creatively which
\nis fab, and the will to start carring them out.On the down side I am very
\nshort tempered and crabby as hell. The paradox is I had a very pleasant post
\nrehersal drink last night at the Salsbury pub, but did not get home till 02:00
\nwhich was a bit tiring.We had the very Fab Ms handbag with us too and a lively
\ndiscussion on the use of digital effects in modern music as oppposed to the
\npurist non-sampled approach sparked a lively 3 way debate.<\/p>\n

We all agreed to differ, with Vicky sticking very much with the tried and
\ntraditional and me as usual with a foot firmly in each camp…<\/p>\n

Our friend Mr Rymes Mojo was working as ever and he entertained two girls
\nfrom Prague for a fair slice of the evening. The Salsbury has lots of real
\nAles and Beers and stays open quite late, and was very full when we left at
\nabout 01:15 so I guess\u00a0there
\nare a lot of people that don’t need to get up to early in the morning, it
\nhelps if you are 30 rather than knocking 50 in the energy stakes I guess….<\/p>\n

[Entry #143]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Busy week again 4th December 2005
\n– 09:47 AM<\/p>\n

My cold is subsiding now, though I still feel like somone has punched me in
\nthe head, but I am stillv a little off form.Played last night at the Victora
\nwith the small band & Jessy did a couple of slightly rude songs which
\nwent down a storm. Not a huge crowd but a responsive one. I was a bit off
\nform playing wise, I think due to the cold but it was still a fairly good
\nperformance overall.<\/p>\n

Speaking to Ms Vicky We realised that we could not remember the last time
\nwe had a Saturday night off.The bands 100 gig and my 80 is next Saturday and
\nwe are having a special do and will hopefuly bring in the some of many and
\nvarious folks who have been with us from time to time so that should be a
\ngood one.We have another gig at Blush today, thats the bijou bar where Michelle
\nO’Brien went down a storm as the toast of the Stoke Newington Lesbian community,
\nso hopefully should be fun.<\/p>\n

I do need to get a few more outfits
\nthough I do dress more for comfort than speed I must admit and I am a fairly
\nplain girl….<\/p>\n

[Entry #142]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

sniflly winter blues 30th November
\n2005 – 09:38 PM<\/p>\n

I am a bit sneezy again, hopefully I can control it with drugs…<\/p>\n

Suddenly realised I am getting very intense about everything and I need to
\nlighten up a bit.My stress level is up. Don’t normally bother but I am taking
\nthose weird sachet thingys and it seems to reduce the symptoms a little.<\/p>\n

It is infuriating when I meet poeple with cast iron immune systems who say
\nsomething along the lines of a) I never get colds or b) I never have any time
\noff sick, presumably so they can share thier malady with everyone else.<\/p>\n

We have got better airconditioning in our new office so that at least helps
\nwith the breathing if nothing else….<\/p>\n

[Entry #141]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2 Worst ever gig ! 30th November
\n2005 – 01:07 AM<\/p>\n

not a happy bunny<\/p>\n

Waited over 3 hours(went on stage 2 hours late) to do a 45 minute slot which
\nwas then cut to 15 minutes.<\/p>\n

Not only that but no one was on the House PA, then when I started playing
\nthe sound went off.Really annoying as it was a good venue and we were doing
\nfor publicity but we must now look like a complete bunch of idiots…<\/p>\n

Makes you wonder why you bother really. And the answer is:” If you want
\nanything done properly, do it yourself”<\/p>\n

>>>Very loud Arghh noises !<\/p>\n

[Entry #140]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Birthdays and other stuff 27th
\nNovember 2005 – 11:13 AM<\/p>\n

Yesterday was my other half Alisons birthday, I was trying to persaude her
\nto come to the gig last night, but she was not up for it.<\/p>\n

The crowd was a bit rowdy to start so I am not sure how comfortable she would
\nbe anyway and the other problem is she is rather shy and would have had to
\nfend for herself for an hour or so before we actually played, though the rest
\nof the band would have looked after her I think.She may come to one before
\nCrimbo. A good night and the band were playing fairly well on the whole, we
\ndo seem to be tightening up quiet a lot again.<\/p>\n

Still need a few new outfits so I must find time to fit in some shopping Luckly
\nLondon is cold but not snowy at the moment thank goodness.<\/p>\n

[Entry #139]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Have you seen the weather out there
\n24th November 2005 – 03:52 PM<\/p>\n

It’s horribly wet and windy and discusting, so I suspect tonights gig at Ryans
\nBar is going to be a bit of a letdown, I don’t think you would catch me going
\nout in this weather normally.Well my mood is not much improved from yesterday
\nwhich also gives me a sense of foreboding.<\/p>\n

Traditionally in winter one should retire to bed at least for the months of
\nFebruary and March as they tend to be totally crap anyway.<\/p>\n

[Entry #138]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nearly the end of the year 24th
\nNovember 2005 – 12:01 AM<\/p>\n

Pensive<\/p>\n

I have had a sudden burst of introspection.This year has been quite a rollercoster
\nride emotionally and has left me in quite a different place. A very steep
\nlearning curve too, and I feel more than a little shattered.It’s also give
\nor take a month or two the aniversary of my comeing off anti-depressants after
\nabout 5 years of being on them.Well I am not that depressed now, but I am
\nvery irritable, I feel as though I have woken from a dream.I can understand
\nhow people get addicted to drugs or alcohol or sex or what ever drug of choice
\nis required to get them through the day.<\/p>\n

I have recently become very disenchanted with my job and I feel that I getting
\nworse at doing it.Theres not much else I can do though so the reality is I
\nwill have to carry on with it until I crack completely, who knows maybe that
\nwon’t be too long. There have been many good things that have happened this
\nyear, but not in the work environment though.<\/p>\n

I still feel as though I am invisible
\ntoo, somehow what ever I do or achive seems to count for absolutely nothing,
\nI suppose thats the human condition though or maybe its low self esteem, or
\nmaybe low self esteem is the human condition or maybe its the weather. I do
\nfeel that I could do with a holiday of sorts, but I don’t feel able to take
\none at the moment, mostly for fear of some other disaster overtaking me.<\/p>\n

Out with the band tommorow night
\nin darkest Stoke Newington which is fast becoming my spiritual home so I will
\nspend a couple of hours in a different frame of mind at least whilst I am
\nplaying. This particular venue is quite small, so I guess if theres not much
\nof a turn out it we won’t notice much.<\/p>\n

I am doing a bit of re-mastering
\non a cd which I think is worthy of re-release…This time it will be comeing
\nout under my own name I think.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #137]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lauras Birthday Bash [2 comments]
\n20th November 2005 – 11:52 AM<\/p>\n

Amazing to see so many faces from the forum there, lots of people that looked
\nvery familiar indeed, spoke to on one or two though I did not really have
\nmuch time to chat, due to setting the bands up and so forth.<\/p>\n

A difficult room to play for sound as it was fairly small, but managed to
\nget something acceptable by the start time. A busy evening for me playing
\nwith the Shelf then the Treacles but I did get about a five minute break.<\/p>\n

Chatted briefly to Jenny Sand who was wearing a fabulous backless number and
\nlooked quite stunning, also managed to say hello to Sarah West who seems very
\nnice and Martine Val who is also a muso in darkest Essex and Liane Smith who
\nhas been thinking about comeing along to a gig so heres hopping we see you
\nsoon. Lauras cake was mind blowingly an enormous pink handbag of course.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #136]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tired but still standing almost
\n17th November 2005 – 11:53 PM<\/p>\n

Day jobs, who needs them. Arghhh… I have got the most enormous bruise on
\nmy leg too after tripped over about 3 times in succession, sometimes it best
\nnot bother getting out of bed. Still its Friday so there is some respite.<\/p>\n

I am in reasonable sprits though so I should not complain really.<\/p>\n

I can see daylight out of my office window which is a novelty for me, and
\nI am not sure I shall get use to it.I did a bit of staring out of the window
\nlooking for inspiration, theres a great view across westminster which is rather
\ndifferent to the gloom factory that I previously inhabited.On the flip side
\neverything keeps breaking at the moment and I am a little under pressure.<\/p>\n

Still one day they will sus out how useless I am and sack me….<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #135]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Rather tiring week 17th November
\n2005 – 12:08 AM<\/p>\n

Just getting settled in our new premises at work, still a lot to do there,
\nand at the moment one problem which I can’t find a cure for at all.Don’t panic
\n!<\/p>\n

Much…Spent a day trying to find a bug in one of our databases which is refusing
\nto work properly since we we moved on to a windows XP network.<\/p>\n

All the others work except this one, and I have spent a solid 8 hours so far
\ngetting nowhere with it. Very tedious indeed….<\/p>\n

I think I may need a devine intervention to get me out of this one.<\/p>\n

Last night out rehearsing with
\nthe Treacle Tarts for Laura’s bash on Saturday where I shall be wearing two
\nhats as keyboard player for both bands…<\/p>\n

Could be a lively night I suspect.Looks like a good venue and hopefully there
\nwill be a good turn out.<\/p>\n

[Entry #134]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Place’s not to go 12th November
\n2005 – 02:57 PM<\/p>\n

I am following the “places not to go” thread with some interest.
\nI think it really is a matter of taking sensible precautions, not going anywhere
\nthat you don’t feel comfortable.Your comfort zone extends of course depending
\non what you have actually done. I could not have imagined doing Prague,New
\nYork,Amsterdam let alone all the pubs in London & environs that I now
\nfrequent in the course of my musical endevours a couple of years back.<\/p>\n

The main thing about going out is that you will have to interact with people,
\nthey detect your body language first, before they even take on board what
\nyou look like. If you are very introvert then you wil have more of a problem,
\nregardless of who you are with.<\/p>\n

I had a long conversation with a girl at work about how much more open we
\nall are now to diverisity, and the crowd that comes to see the Shelf brings
\ncredence to this(Straight, Lesbian,Gay,Football supporters and Blues fans).
\nI am sure there are very unsafe places, but most places are not and belive
\nor not most people are not rabid trannyphobes, and just want to get on with
\nlife. They may be amused or unintentionally we may be found entertaining at
\ntimes, but often you will find that when they get to know you, you become
\ninvisible in the sense that they don’t see a tranny just a person.The only
\nquestion I was asked by a rather rotund footy fan whilst setting up at a gig
\nwas what sort of music do you play, which was the only thing that mattered
\nto him…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #133]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blush “I think I did actually”
\n9th November 2005 – 12:10 AM<\/p>\n

Well, Sunday and out the Trio Ms Vicky, Jesse Pie, and lil ‘old me to darkest
\nStoke Newington to play Blush, a very cosy but fun venue.Also present was
\nMichelle O’Brian who was pressed into service to flog the occasional CD,(no
\nnot what your thinking, and to snap a bit), and did both with aplomb.<\/p>\n

The audience was soon on our side and quite expressive too.<\/p>\n

Most amuseingly I was actually playing in the bay window, iluminated by mostly
\nred light, making me feel a little like an Amsterdam Prostitute who’s specialty
\nact was playing the fiddle.<\/p>\n

I was not sure quite how we would go down in Lesbian bar, (answers on a post
\ncard please), but we enjoyed playing,and were i think enjoyed, and we will
\nbe performing there again soon.Ms Pie was totaly awsome, and and soon had
\nthe crowd at her finger tips.<\/p>\n

And then it was Monday……<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #132]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Where we are now 5th November 2005
\n– 12:53 PM<\/p>\n

?? Glasscage Bi-Polar swing<\/p>\n

I made a list this morning of every thing that is worrying me, and it came
\nto about 16 things, most of which have nothing to do with being a tranny which
\nis good really I suppose. Out of that list there are only really only about
\n3 things I can really do anything about, everything else is down to someone
\nelse to deal with, and a lot of problems are work related, but I hate not
\nbeing able to finish what I started and its causeing my some stress, though
\nI can sleep alright, infact I am starting to have problems getting up now,
\nbut thats normal for me I think.<\/p>\n

I could also do with some time off too, thats almost impossible in the present
\nsituation, apart from the odd day, and I just feel so tired. I am going to
\ntry one of those SAD light things to see if that will make any difference.<\/p>\n

I have been listening to some of
\nmy old music from a couple of years back and I think its time for a retrospective
\nre-release, only this time I will get a decent number duplicated I think as
\nI still do get the odd request for CD’s and I can market a few now with luck.My
\nown music is very different from the bands and is more Electronica\/world and
\nindi style, though it has got the odd Faux Jazz style thing happening. I have
\na few more conventional style songs that need to see the light of day in live
\nperformance so I am going to have to think seriously about how I achive that
\nso that will be a project for the new year. I would only need a couple of
\npeople to do it really, so when the work side of things has quietened down
\nin my day job I will start putting things together I think.<\/p>\n

Got a gig at the “Orange Tree”
\nin Frien Barnett tonight, its a venue we have only played once, but its quite
\na comfortable place to play at.<\/p>\n

We have an agent coming a long to see us and it may lead to some better gigs,
\nthough we are very busy and booked till January as it stands. So I hope it
\nwill be a good one.We had a nice crowd the last time, and it looks like we
\nwill have a few of our usual crew along.Our crowd is some what diverse, Blues
\nfans, Football supporters, Lipstick Lesbians, the odd Tranny, and a few Pub
\nrock punters. They all seem to mix up nicely and get along Ok which is something
\nI really never imagined in my wildest dreams when I joined.<\/p>\n

Another gig on Sunday with the the Trio at the “Blush Bar” in Stoke
\nNewington which is a lesbian bar so that will be different I think….<\/p>\n

Interesting how my journal as usual
\nhas almost nothing relating to Tranny Issues in it at all, I could go on about
\nhow crap I think I look, but I am working on that.Mind you April Angel has
\ntaken a couple of pictures of me that were absolutely brilliant…<\/p>\n

I need to hit the shops before tonights gig so I had better go now..<\/p>\n

[Entry #131]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The slightly flakey one 31st October
\n2005 – 12:24 AM<\/p>\n

Another weekend, another 3 gigs, but I am very tired I must admit, and getting
\nthat same old feeling, the slightly flaky one. I am not comfortable with myself
\nat present as I just feel there is something missing. There are a few things
\nI realise I should have done many years ago, but those thoughts are turning
\naround and slaping me in the face vigerously now.<\/p>\n

Be carefull what you wish as they say. Is it better to be stareing over the
\nfence when something is so near that you can almost touch it but not quite,
\nor better to be in blissful ignorance, or still asleep in suburban dreams.<\/p>\n

What about when you know you really have missed the boat, and that you were
\nnever destined to be on it anyway ? How ever much confidance I think I have
\ngained I still can’t ask the right questions at the right time, so I end up
\ngetting sidelined or ignored or an assumption is made that I am happy with
\nthe way things are, when I am often not. I suspect that there are many people
\nwho would say that I brought this on myself and from where I stand now I think
\nthey may well be right.<\/p>\n

On a lighter note my friends Helen and partner Petra came along to the “Worlds
\nEnd” to see the me with the band, and they could not have come on a better
\nnight really as everyone was on good form.Great to see them again after about
\na year or so. A quite amazing evening really in everyway.<\/p>\n

[Entry #130]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<<<+++++>>> 27th
\nOctober 2005 – 10:18 PM<\/p>\n

Well I am tired and I am irritable and snappy so there.<\/p>\n

You can see why people drink too much or take drugs or get addicted to sex,
\nwe are all trying to fill in the gaps, the emptyness, or just to stop feeling
\nwhat ever we are feeling that makes us feel bad.<\/p>\n

[Entry #129]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Its the midweek dip 26th October
\n2005 – 06:35 PM<\/p>\n

might have<\/p>\n

Loads of problems on the work front that just don’t seem to be resolving themselves.
\nIts been one of the most frustrating weeks ever from my perspective I have
\nto say.I have a meeting tommorrow that could be rather stressfull in every
\nrespect..Its weeks like this when I can see why people pull sickie’s…. Just
\ndiscovered that we can’t move our 3 bt adsl lines but will have to terminate
\nthe accounts and start from scratch, which is going to cause some consternation
\nto put it mildly, and thats due to the way that BT re-selling works.<\/p>\n

I ordered a pair of shoes from
\nadditions which have not arrived and when I checked my order status they were
\nmarked returned, which is strange because I have not seen them at all, thats
\nreally annoying as I don’t have much spare time at the moment so hitting the
\nshops, especially when you are looking for size 9s is a problem. I think Evans
\nis about the only place.<\/p>\n

Some of my post seems to have disappeared
\ntoo which is very worrying, we have a new postperson and I think they are
\njust taking stuff to the wrong place.<\/p>\n

Started writing a new song this
\nmorning, think its not half bad actually, as I have not felt inspired like
\nthat for quite a while to be honest.I really need soem way of getting my stuff
\nheard other than the via the net now, but at present that seems as far away
\nas a small blue-green planet orbiting the right class of star. Actually its
\nquite good to have this journal, maybe I ought to do a proper blogg somewhere,
\ntoo pour out my troubles to.<\/p>\n

I am dreading the clocks changing
\nbut I go home in the dark anyway so maybe its not so bad.<\/p>\n

[Entry #128]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Another weekend bites the dust
\n24th October 2005 – 12:07 AM<\/p>\n

Not a bad weekend at all.On Friday the first night of the Bordello Club, great
\nfun but hard work as I was playing most of the night, and inbetween doing
\nthe sound with only a 2 minute loo break.Brilliant crowd too, and for a first
\nnight a very promising start. First Stoke Newington, tommorow the world…<\/p>\n

Then Saturday at “The Worlds End”, which looks like becomeing a
\nfavorite Venue for Elephant Shelf. A very friendly crowd chatty and a few
\nregulars along too, so nice to meet them and chat to one or too.<\/p>\n

I am still a bit tired, but no more than normal I suppose and I am just about
\ngetting enough sleep I think.Too many bags under the eye’s, I guess its just
\nthe march of time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #127]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Weekends are just too short ! 17th
\nOctober 2005 – 09:47 PM<\/p>\n

Trying not to take it too seriously..<\/p>\n

Another weekend and another 3 gigs, can’t remember what I used to do at weekends
\nbut I don’t get bored. I have not seem much of my old tranny crew though as
\nI we never seem to be in the right place at the right time, and its nice to
\njust have a chat, but I guess thats the way it go’s.I am sure I will have
\nplenty of time to get bored in the future but at the moment no chance.<\/p>\n

Got to sort my self out a few pairs of new shoes as i am getting through them
\nat quiet a rate, and being a nine its a bit of a pain to get stuff.<\/p>\n

I feel really out of place in my office at though, much more like I don’t
\nbelong at all. Its a real come down on a monday morning especially if you
\nhave had a couple of good gigs at the weekend.Well I have had a few times
\nwhen I have felt really low, so while the goings good I shall enjoy what I
\ncan.<\/p>\n

[Entry #126]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wierdest gig ever at the Rubber
\nBall [1 comment] 11th October 2005 – 05:07 PM<\/p>\n

A not bad weekend, quite strange on Saturday night, felt a bit of a voyeur
\nat the Rubber Ball.Played on the “Lady luck” stage for about 20
\nminutes with Jesse and Vicky, both of us wareing matching sunglass’es which
\nlooked A) very cool, b) rather silly and c) extremely kitch, we did a set
\nof Jesses mutated Jazz standards including the “Muff shaving song”
\n(Aint misbehaving) & “My Fanny Vasaline… Well you get the general
\nidea, though its difficult to play the stuff with out cracking up. After the
\nsound check we went for a Chinese meal. Came back about half an hour before
\nwe were due on and great fun to walk pass the throng cueing outside flash
\nthe artists pass to get in, tee hee, just like proper celebs.After we had
\nawander around the dungeon, and I have to say that mostly its “Too weird
\nfor me mate !”.On the other hand there were some rather nice young ladys
\nhanding out flyers who were very appealing to feast the eye on, in a non-sexist
\npost-retro- ironic but sexy sense.<\/p>\n

Jesse stayed on to do her other act as “Sploshy Pie” and as we left
\nwas busy preparing her huge bowl of Yogurt in preparation for her turn at
\n04:00 in the orning.<\/p>\n

We had drink after we played and ran in to a couple of Roses folk and had
\na brief chat, then of home.<\/p>\n

Woke up with a thundering headache the following morning. Over to see my sister
\nwho has broken a finger in her hand after a fall on a buss whilst she was
\ndooing survey work, and took a couple of pictures as her employer may be a
\nbit a bit difficult about it, and we need some proof of the inconvience that
\nit has caused her.<\/p>\n

Then off to a rehersal, but everyone was a little bit tired, we started rehersing
\na very nice new number that will be going in the set in a week or too.<\/p>\n

Monday night the washing machine ground to a halt as well,depositing quite
\na lot of water on the kitchen floor in protest.<\/p>\n

So today a day off work to clean up…<\/p>\n

Gosh I am tired too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Entry #125]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The weekend 8th October 2005 –
\n11:04 AM<\/p>\n

Can’t be arsed<\/p>\n

Finally got my old computer back which is usefull though I had forgotten how
\nnoisy it is, as I have been useing my S.O’s for a while which is ok but has
\nall the software I use on it, its on a wirless connection which seems to work
\nquite well on the whole. Amazing how many networks there are wizzing through
\nthis flat, It tried to log me on to 2 others apart from my own ….<\/p>\n

have a short gig tonight with Vicky and Jesse at the Rubber Ball in the “Midnight
\nLounge” so I guess we must be on at midnight ! Wake me up when its over
\nI guess is the answer to that one. Well the sun is shining and the trees looking
\nstunning now that the colour is begining to change too with some very rich
\ntones coming through.Hey far out man…the Colours.<\/p>\n

[Entry #124]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hello still here then are we ?
\n1st October 2005 – 04:19 PM<\/p>\n

sort of maybe<\/p>\n

Quite a busy week, things settling well on the home front too which is really
\nnice too a sort very comfortable sort of vibe.Out last night in St Albans
\nat the “Spotted Bull” playing with the trio.Interesting crowd as
\nthere were 2 birthdays going on and everyone was wearing Pirate outfits, the
\naudience not the band He he ..Michelle O’Brien also came along all the way
\nfrom Blackheath. The traffic was dire on the way over as well so a really
\nlong journey. Another gig tonight at the Victoria in highgate and there should
\nbe a special guest apperance from Ms Laura Handbag too.Should be fun.Not the
\nfull band tonight but a more mellow quartet.The Victoria pub was vandelised
\nearlier in the week and there was some doubt as to if the gig would go ahead.Its
\na shame as its a realy good venue very friendly and you can get food there
\ntoo..So if anyones in Highgate tonight I think they could do with your support.Come
\non you Trannys !<\/p>\n

I am debateing getting a couple of new wigs, they need to be a similar colour
\nI think but slightly different styles though not to different of course !<\/p>\n

Very difficult things wigs as you can never be quite sure what will work so
\nI shall have to investigate further.I think I am getting a bit towards the
\ncrusty side now so shorter is better but not to short.Where to start though
\n?<\/p>\n

I did pass a place called “dead cat emporium” , and I suspect thats
\nthe best place to look first, or may be something from national health designer
\nrange.<\/p>\n

[Entry #123]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Up and down 27th September 2005
\n– 04:01 PM<\/p>\n

Whoops>>>>>>><\/p>\n

Well curently doing a mixed state mood wise, can’t sleep but also tired and
\nnot able to concentrait properly either, which is not an ideal combination
\nso somewhat prone to mistakes too. So a slightly manic Episode !When I get
\nlike I have a fear of forgetting everything at work, and in a stae of anxiety
\nmy mind will go conveiniently blank<\/p>\n

[Entry #122]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I could be having fun ! 25th September
\n2005 – 11:55 AM<\/p>\n

Out with the band on Friday in a new venue in “The Victoria” Highgate,
\ngreat reception again.Michelle O’Brien was there and Darcy & friend too.Very
\nhot night and totally wiped out the next day. A bit scary as just before going
\non my Electric Violin started falling a apart, but luckly Vicky was able to
\nhelp me fix it just in time. A nice evening and everything worked well.Lots
\nof very nice feedback after the gig plus band photo with the landlady.<\/p>\n

Then last night played at “Mollie
\nMalones” in crouch end also went down a storm, had a couple of pictures
\ntaken with the punters.<\/p>\n

Interesting the turn of phrase some woman use, it is quite ironic when one
\nsees threads on Roses about feminine deportment, to go to a venue and be complemented
\nthus “Your F****ing great on that organ”….What can she mean ?<\/p>\n

Also one other lady there with a similar turn of phrase that looked so much
\nlike a tranny it was unbelivable, though she was on a mission not to go home
\nalone and I think she pulled it off. Vicky sporting a very 70’s look last
\nnight too.<\/p>\n

[Entry #121]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ho hum [1 comment] 22nd September
\n2005 – 06:30 PM<\/p>\n

Rather tediously someones tried to demolish Battersea Bridge, makeing my trip
\nto work a little longer and it will be closed for about 4 months.The really
\nannoying part is that there is no information as to the route they diverted
\nour local bus along , so you have to guess as to where you think it might
\nbe runing to and from.<\/p>\n

[Entry #120]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sunday night out again 19th September
\n2005 – 08:58 AM<\/p>\n

Spent the afternoon with the band recording a new country blues tune.Quite
\nfrustrating getting the right kind of feel on it as it needs to be fairly
\nminimal, but I think we have got it.Off to Camden in the evening to do a half-hour
\nspot at Bullett.Some interesting acts on last night including some atonal
\ninprovisers called “Tiny Horse” I think, and the maginificent “Nervious
\nElvisPaul Edergly” who sang a heart rending song, I think called “I
\nlike Pussy” as that line occured quite a lot, which I presume was about
\nhis cat that he was missing very much.He performed this in true one man band
\nstyle with a stomp box guitar bass drum and so forth.I could not escape at
\nthis point as I had been asked to work the mixer, so I stayed for a couple
\nof numbers.<\/p>\n

We got free Champaign too, I suspect this was due to the delightful Ms Pies
\ncharms rather than mine, but very nice all the same. We also dropped in to
\na bar up the Road for a possible booking,and watching Vicky sell the band
\nwas quite inspiring, thank goodness she is not in the double glazing business.<\/p>\n

Home at a reasonable hour for a change too<\/p>\n

[Entry #119]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Saturday Night Out 18th September
\n2005 – 10:17 AM<\/p>\n

Played the Orange Tree in Friern Barnett last night, interesting as there
\nwas a new landlady, and all the regulars were at a party at in the pub across
\nthe road but we did have a good turn out in the end as we had a few regular
\nShelf punters turn up plus the folk from the local GLBT as well an dsoem others
\ncame in towards the end of the evening.Interesting as I was told I should
\ncome along to one of their socials, I explained I was in I was from Battersea…Looks
\nlike potentialy a very good place to play too.<\/p>\n

We did at least half the gig with one side of the PA off but still went down
\nOk.I think we may have forgotten to plug one side of it in…<\/p>\n

We need a body to actually sell the Shelf CDs that we now take to gigs too.<\/p>\n

Interesting how many pubs are now looking for live music & entertainment
\nagain. Watch out DJ’s us Talent less pub bands are out to get you …<\/p>\n

Think I have sorted out the strange car starting phenomena, sprayed it with
\ndamp start, and it seems to have done the trick.I think it was pineing for
\nit previous owner or something.<\/p>\n

[Entry #118]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

More faces from the past 16th September
\n2005 – 09:33 PM<\/p>\n

~#~<\/p>\n

Played at the Queens Hotel on Thursday with Gloria opening for us.She went
\ndown really well.Two old friends from the past turned up, Stuart and George
\nwho knew nothing about Diana until they heard about the band.They seemed to
\nenjoy it and were not particularly phased by anything as far as I can tell.<\/p>\n

Stuart brought a CD and got the band to sign it.Still very tired fell asleep
\nover the PC this afternoon at work, don’t think any one noticed though.I am
\nvery irritable at the moment too.<\/p>\n

[Entry #117]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

getting weird 14th September 2005
\n– 09:06 PM<\/p>\n

extremely weird<\/p>\n

Well, I have been in a very strange mood most of the day, and its getting
\nworse.Hav’nt felt this bad in a while, suspect its the end of my manic phase.<\/p>\n

Should I go back on the drugs, maybe ? Perhaps I should post a poll on the
\nsubject, my moods change so quickly that tommorow I might be Ok or I migt
\nbe very very low…<\/p>\n

[Entry #116]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Historic pubs of Haringay 12th
\nSeptember 2005 – 09:15 AM<\/p>\n

Very good band rehersal yesterday, went really well ready for the CD launch
\nat the Queens Hotel this Thursday.Actually it went a bit too well really,
\nso I suspect we will be rubbish on the night.Then afterwards off to see a
\nnew Venue which is also a huge pub of the same vintage.They had a band on
\nwho very doing sort of Latin\/Flamenco tunes, with some very nice guitar playing
\nsort of Gypsie kings style plus a very attractive singer who swished her frock
\naround in an appealing way.Said hello to the landlord. It looks like it could
\nbe a very good venue for us as it has a very mixed clientel, and they do seem
\nto be there for the music too. We are going to get some lights, hopefully
\nby Thursday people will be able to see us and hear us. Gosh thats a scary
\nthought.<\/p>\n

[Entry #115]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rain 10th September 2005 – 01:31
\nPM<\/p>\n

Its so english to talk about the weather I know, but yesterday was quite something,
\ntroulble is after the storm it really did not cool down at all.<\/p>\n

I have still got a bit of a sore head as I hit it on the tail gate of the
\ncar on tuesday, and nearly knocked my self senseless, but its sort of OK now.<\/p>\n

Just getting around to reconecting my home studio stuff after the move, I
\nhave sort of finished it now. I am still finding places to put things but
\nI have got rid of a lot of stuff too, though the flat is still a bit overcrowded
\nto be honest. Amazing how many clothes I have that I never wear, or that don’t
\ngo with anything, so a lot of those have gone to charity shops.<\/p>\n

[Entry #114]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My new Violin 9th September 2005
\n– 10:59 AM<\/p>\n

My new violin….<\/p>\n

I have just aquired a rather wonderful old violin, it really sings and looks
\nrather good too, it has a rather nice relief carving of Ben Franklin on the
\nback, which is also a little unusual. It plays like a total dream.Woke up
\nwith a headache this morning but could not resist having a play.<\/p>\n

Last night in the pub after rehearsals as per usual, and took my sister along,
\nshe over heard a couple of girls in the loo one of whom was telling the other
\nthat she must come and see Elephant Shelf the next time we were on.Apparently
\nwe are known in north london circles as that band with the really good girl
\nsinger and two trannies in it……<\/p>\n

Also told by one of our regular punters that we really should get some lighting
\nso people can see us.That could be really scary thought Jesse Pie is always
\nworth watching.Its still too hot for me at the moment, I am glad to have had
\nsome time away from work hassles just for a change, and I am sort of getting
\nused to being back in Battersea again. I need to move my own computer back
\nhere soon, when I have figured out where to put it, as my other half aquired
\nher own when I moved out so it looks like we will have his and hers computers
\nnext to each other eventually.How sad is that.<\/p>\n

Also I think I have figured out how to start my new car, I had terrible problems
\nbut it has a dimobiliser fitted and its an auto so you have to performa a
\nroutine with the gear change first before it starts, or else it stays where
\nits is.Endless fun !<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

April 2 2008 I did my last day at the office on Friday and had the obligatory leaving drink and presentation which was embarrassing but I was also quite touched as I had not really expected it.A lot of folks turned up and I do feel a tinge of regret as I was there along … Continue reading Ancient History<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":1,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-31","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P6NRDR-v","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":131,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/songs-that-i-would-like-you-hear\/diana-stones-music\/dianas-cv\/life-my-universe-and-everything\/","url_meta":{"origin":31,"position":0},"title":"Life my universe and everything","author":"diana Stone","date":"July 31, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"How do we mark out time? It is Friday but it feels like a Sunday, possibly because I am listening to a prom concert from the Albert Hall and I still associate listening to classical music with Sunday nights as my father would listen switch the the TV of and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "whatever"","block_context":{"text":"whatever","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/history\/whatever\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":176271,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/stay-safe\/","url_meta":{"origin":31,"position":1},"title":"Stay Safe","author":"diana Stone","date":"December 20, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Cybersecurity is crucial for everyone, including seniors, as they are often targeted due to perceived vulnerabilities. Here are some basic tips to help seniors stay safe online: Cybersecurity is crucial for everyone, including seniors, as they are often targeted due to perceived vulnerabilities. Here are some basic tips to help\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":243,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/ancient-history\/in-trouble-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":31,"position":2},"title":"In Trouble again","author":"diana Stone","date":"August 12, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The \u00a0Elephant Shelf Album, its good and its got two \u00a0songs that I've written on it as well so what more could you ask. You can buy it right here \u00a0>> Buy it and give Simon Cowell the nightmares he deserves. Lets knock Jedward of the charts LOL Currently being\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "whatever"","block_context":{"text":"whatever","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/history\/whatever\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Elephant Shelf Album In Trouble Again","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/08\/Album-sales-page-300x229.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":719,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/songs-that-i-would-like-you-hear\/diana-stones-music\/dianas-cv\/my-old-blog-to-april-2008\/","url_meta":{"origin":31,"position":3},"title":"My Old blog to April 2008","author":"diana Stone","date":"February 16, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Date Posted: April 2 2008 I did my last day at the office on Friday and had the obligatory leaving drink and presentation which was embarrassing but I was also quite touched as I had not really expected it.A lot of folks turned up and I do feel a tinge\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "whatever"","block_context":{"text":"whatever","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/history\/whatever\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/about\/","url_meta":{"origin":31,"position":4},"title":"About Diana Stone & Music","author":"diana Stone","date":"July 23, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Post by The Labour Party. The Music I am a performing composer and musician playing Piano Violin & Guitar, synths and other stuff. She was a founder member of Rock\/Roots band Elephant Shelf and also the Delta Ladies. I compose in a variety of styles from pop to rock to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "whatever"","block_context":{"text":"whatever","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/history\/whatever\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/26677834_10159532291580467_1526762736906089022_o-1-300x235.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":270,"url":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/diana-stone-glass-cage-home\/","url_meta":{"origin":31,"position":5},"title":"Diana Stone Glass Cage Home","author":"diana Stone","date":"August 19, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Diana is a performing composer and musician playing Piano Violin and Guitar. She previously played with the Rock\/Roots band Elephant Shelf and now the New Delta Ladies & Gypsy who mix roots acoustic music and world music . She composes in a variety of styles from pop to rock to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "whatever"","block_context":{"text":"whatever","link":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/category\/history\/whatever\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/07\/village-bicycle.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/07\/village-bicycle.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/07\/village-bicycle.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/31","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/31\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1865,"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/31\/revisions\/1865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glass-cage.com\/dianas_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}