The fear factor

I seem to be just a little bit paranoid right now. I should really try and be a bit more trusting but at the moment its hard work . Today has been one of those days when I really could have done with sinking into the wall or at least hiding behind the sofa.  Sometimes my confidence vanishes completely and its a fragile beast at the best of times which has required a lot of  nurturing to keep it out of the dark places that where it usually reposes.

It’s just another day

I had a really good night out listening to Albert Lee & Hogans Heroes at the Castle in NW11. It was a mind bending gig. I have of course seen Albert Lee on TV and youtube, so I knew it was going to be good and it was.  It takes a lot to get me going but this gig was really great. Fantastic guitar playing, and a few surprises in the set list too, like ‘The world is waiting for the sunrise’, it couldn’t have been more varied and entertaining. Also the live sound is one of the best I have heard in any venue.

Diana Vicky & Albert Pic by Pete Mariosa
Diana Vicky & Albert Pic by Pete Mariosa
Albert Lee on stage Photo by Pete Mariosa
Albert Lee on stage Photo by Pete Mariosa

I was privileged to play there a week or so back with Elephant Shelf to a small but perfectly formed audience and prior to that I saw Georgie Fame, which was also a great gig. So thats the good stuff and it doesn’t get any better than that. Unfortunately the venue like many others is under pressure and is struggling to continue which is a great shame as its one of the really great places to listen to or play live music.  If you do see a gig advertised there its well worth the trip. They also offered me a job behind the bar 🙂 LOL. I don’t think I would be terribly good at it to be honest, (though there are a few people I know who’s personal fantasy is exactly that, bet lynch eat your heart out) and I might be tempted to drink the profits. They do Real Ales and good food to so that would have been OK.

Today has been mostly involved in working on some web stuff (which I find incredibly tedious these days to be honest) and  running through some stuff on the piano and violin and a bit of tidying up. I am also getting used to using a video camera after a gap of a few years as I intend to start including video as part of this blog too. The camera is a bit flaky at the moment but its starting to behave  so I might be able to start using it properly in a week or too with luck.

The Moon Rises in Battersea

The Moon Rises in Battersea. I am hoping to start video blogging occasionally from now just to give it   more variety.
Theres a brilliant full moon tonight. I shot it from my lounge….

A quiet week

I have been involved with a lot of non-musical stuff this week, various website projects and fixing stuff. Getting  a new PSU and and installing  it in my old computer, coaxing my video camera back in to life after its been mothballed for a couple of years, and one or two other things. The last few gigs with the Shelf and the Deltas have been quite eventful too. I have got the taste for a bit of make do and mend now as its quite satisfying to get stuff going often very cheaply too. In between the practical stuff I have been chilling out a bit as well and I am going to try and do a video blog, though it is likely to heavily feature my cuddly toys collection. I am also spending  a little time looking at other possible income options to augment what I am getting.  I also had not realised how stressed I had got with my personal finances or rather the lack of them and it seems quite bizarre to be receiving a pension as part of my regular income, but it gives me just enough to keep going if I am very careful which is of course I will be and have been for the last couple of years having left the tried and trusted working as an office drone.

The other thing that has greatly affected me is the realisation of the frailty of some much of what I and most people take for granted in life and the fact that the clock is ticking so the message is do it now. Actually having time and choices is quite empowering for a change, but I was never that good at making decisions for my self though I was great at doing it for other people.

Winter draws on

Any Les Dawson fans out there? Well there’s a lot going on right now, and most of it is fairly positive for a change.

On  a personal  level things are a little bit more stable now, though there is still a lot to be done. I am amazed at the number of people that actually visit this blog and I wish I had some stunning insights that I could share with you all but unfortunately I don’t. It’s been fairly hectic on the gigs front with the Elephants Shelf  & the Delta Ladies mostly out London which is good but I am suffering from a little bit of motorway fatigue as I have seen quite a bit of the M4 and the M25 in the last couple of months (mostly at about 03:00 in the morning).
It’s refreshing to find so many really good venues providing live music with really enthusiastic audiences, and we seem to have found quite a few lately.

My Diary from 1985

Just by chance I happened to open an old diary from 1985 and it felt open on a significant page.  The end of a somewhat odd relationship with a girl who had Bi-Polar. At the time I was not aware of the devastating effect that Bi-Polar has on peoples lives and I had not identified my the nature of my own mental problems either.
I worked back through the diary and discovered that the relationship had lasted 6 months almost to the day. I suspect that there were many reasons why it did not work out but I have no doubt that one of them was simply my being far too needy.  Also to be honest I was not terribly interesting company in those days and may well have seemed very boring indeed.  If I had been able to meet me then I would I think have found someone with very limited horizons doing a dead end job that was easily amused and incredibly naive and also in complete denial of their own nature.

What is strange to me is that I should find out 25 years later that she had taken her own life a few years after I knew her as I had always imagined her as the kind of person that would have succeeded at most things she wanted to do…

Life leads us down some very strange paths.

Stigma and discrimination

Stigma and discrimination

Stigma and discrimination can have a huge impact on the lives of people affected by depression and, for many, they are the single biggest barrier to recovery.

Stigma is experienced by people affected by depression when negative judgements are made about them based on the condition, usually as a result of stereotypes, misconceptions or fear. Stigma can take many forms. It may be someone making an unpleasant remark or ignoring you; or assumptions being made about the kind of person you are or your abilities. Discrimination is the active part of stigma, when someone is not only judged because of the condition they experience but is actually treated differently.

It may seem that understanding and awareness of mental health problems is
improving but many studies have shown that stigma is still widespread. Consider the following statistics:

  • The most common mental illnesses are anxiety and depression (22% of the
  • population) but when asked to describe mental illness 63% of people said it was ‘someone with schizophrenia’ (which affects just 1% of the population). This figure has increased from 56% ten years ago. (Department of Health 2007)
  • The number of people who believe that someone with a mental illness is ‘someone who has to be kept in a psychiatric or mental hospital’ has also increased over the past decade, from 47% to 59%. (Department of Health 2007)
  • Belief in the link between mental illness and violence has similarly risen, from 29% to 36%. (Department of Health 2007)
  • A fifth of employers say that they would not employ someone who had been in
  • receipt of Incapacity Benefit. (Chartered Institute for Personnel Development May 2006)
  • 18% of employers said that they would not employ someone who has experienced mental ill health compared to 10% who wouldn’t employ someone with a physical disability. (Chartered Institute for Personnel Development May 2006)

Institutionalised discrimination

Stigma and discrimination start at the top, creating a climate within which employers routinely exclude people with mental health problems from work and other organisations feel empowered to discriminate too. The state discriminates by:

  • Having legislation that allows internment on the grounds of a person’s medical condition (as opposed to whether someone is dangerous)
  • Giving less weight to witness evidence from people who have had mental illness
  • Barring people who have had mental illness from public service – for example, not allowing them to sit on juries
  • Barring people who have had mental illness from holding public office
  • The Royal College of Psychiatrists has recently drawn attention to a range of health professions whose entry criteria exclude people who have had mental health problems.
  • Even where people with mental health problems are not openly excluded, informal discrimination makes it hard for them to pursue a career in professions such as law, medicine and politics – a recent report by the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Mental Health found that 1 in 5 Members of Parliament has had mental health problems, but most felt they could not disclose this publicly.

Insurance companies may deny health, personal and holiday insurance to people who have had mental health problems, and can refuse to pay a claim where an applicant failed to disclose their history, even where this has no bearing on the claim.
Employers regularly exclude people with mental health problems from work –seeking to sack those who develop problems while refusing to employ those with a history of mental illness.

Self-exclusion

Another manifestation of discrimination is a process of self-exclusion in which people behave as if discrimination will always happen. For example, while someone with depression is right to fear that they might be discriminated against in employment, they would be wrong to believe this will always be the case. If, however, they avoid seeking employment, and fail to take advantage of the help available because of this fear, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Stigma in the media

The media regularly link mental illness with violence and homicide even though the number of homicides by people with a mental illness has fallen significantly over the last 50 years (during which time, the number of homicides has increased by more than 500%).

Elsewhere, the media regularly use stigmatising language on a par with some of the language used to describe ethnic minorities back in the 1970s.

While challenges can be made against television and radio coverage of mental illness through the regulator Ofcom, the Press Complaints Commission only considers complaints where an individual is directly affected by press coverage. So, for example, only Frank Bruno could complain about the “Bonkers Bruno” headline – those of us who feel it is inappropriate to use the term “bonkers” to describe someone with a mental illness have no right of redress. This said, we all have the choice not to buy newspapers and not to subscribe to TV stations that discriminate in this way.

Over-estimating severity

The majority of people with a history of mental illness choose not to disclose their condition publicly – or to be very selective about who they disclose to.

One problem that arises from this is that those people who are “out” about their mental illness are often those who have little choice in the matter – those with the most severe and enduring conditions; those in long-term contact with specialist services; those who have been in contact with the criminal justice system; those who have been excluded from employment; those in poor housing; those who lack social networks and intimate relationships.

This leads politicians, health and social care professionals, journalists, voluntary organisations, and user/survivor groups themselves to stigmatise the majority of people with mental illness as being much needier, much more dependent and much less self-resilient than is actually the case, by applying the characteristics of the 10% with the most severe and enduring illness to the 90% with common mental illness.

Many people with depression find it highly stigmatising to be legally categorised as “vulnerable” or as “disabled”, when most, for most of the time, are fully able to work and to function in society.